Challenges in one's writing

¶ … natural as speaking. On the other hand, writing can be a genuine struggle. I've been writing extensively since I was in junior high school and have kept a personal journal sporadically throughout my life. Writing just for me is easy: there are no deadlines, no pressure to compose a coherent essay, no need to worry about spelling, grammar, or even clarity. I can write a stream of consciousness in my journal and never have to wonder whether someone will like what I have to say or not. No subject matter is off limits either. Formal writing assignments are a totally different story. In a formal writing assignment I can't shake loose the fact that I am being critiqued, assessed, graded, and analyzed. If I had to summarize the greatest challenge of writing it would easily be self-consciousness.

I have composed in-depth term papers on numerous school subjects. I have also entered essay and creative writing contests. Although I do relatively well on both, I never feel satisfied unless there is no evidence of a red pen. If I make one error I feel like giving up altogether.

Formal creative writing, as in short stories or poems, is just as difficult as formal expository writing. In both cases, I consciously aim to please a specific audience; I can no longer write for myself and not worry. Consequently, the writing style has to be just right for the job and so does the content. I start censoring what I have to say. Writing a story doesn't offer the unlimited creativity that most people imagine it does. Creative writing is no easier than writing a dry essay or a sellable article; they each involve their own set of rules. In all cases, my greatest weaknesses include self-censorship, clarity, and verbosity.

In spite of my extreme self-consciousness, I still enjoy writing. My writing style has improved with practice and with good constructive criticism. I don't mind writing for school assignments. My grades are good enough that I haven't developed a writing phobia like some of my friends have. I write well under pressure and occasionally find myself enjoying the process of research and term paper composition.

A admire good authors and writers so I often try to follow what they do. Reading avidly has made me a better writer. However, no matter how many Pulitzer Prize-winning books I read or how many collegiate writing classes I take or how many how-to-be-a-writer-in-30-Days books I read, I will never improve my writing unless I become willing to listen to criticism.

A initially received a lot of praise for my writing when I was in school because compared with the other students in the class I wrote well. My A's were a sign that I was adept, talented, and full of potential. However, when I got older the competition grew stiffer. Suddenly I was not the best writer in the class and my confidence level dipped. For years I struggled with overcoming self-doubt and self-criticism, believing that my writing skills were no longer good enough. My fears led to a destructive pattern of self-censorship that I am still working to overcome. Learning how to deal with criticism has been and continues to be one of the greatest challenges in my writing.

A respond to criticism by censoring what I write and by avoiding writing altogether. Instead of using criticism as a springboard to better writing, I take it to mean that I am a bad writer. Criticism is hard for me to over come. I internalize and distort the comments, turning them into what can be called writer's block. Writer's block is not some mystical illness that besieges writers. My writer's block is directly connected with low self-esteem: it is a self-imposed blockade.

Because writer's block stems from self-censorship it can best be overcome with stream-of-consciousness writing exercises. For example, journaling for a set period of time even about nonsensical matters can help loosen up the mind. Forget about forming full sentences; forget about sounding clever. Stream-of-consciousness means blindly plowing ahead, going forward, and never stopping to listen to what I just wrote. The deadliest enemy to writer's block is re-reading what I just wrote and analyzing it.

However, getting past the stream-of-consciousness stage is even harder than getting started. That's when I start realizing that other people are going to read what I write. No matter how I feel about it, a deadline is looming and I have to produce. Being disciplined is essential at this stage because only pressure can keep the pen or keyboard going. Even when I am not interested in writing about myself in a diary I can use stream of consciousness to compose the first draft of an essay. With stream of consciousness I can write without worrying about how it sounds, even to me. I can get into a mind state beyond any self-criticism. I can worry about technicalities later.

The technicalities are easier to deal with when the raw content is there. Writing without stream-of-consciousness is like trying to make gasoline without tapping an oil well. At some point I have to engage in the mundane process of tapping the well. Once I strike oil, then I can worry about refining the product.

With the basic grammar skills I have from grade school, I can revise a basic stream-of-consciousness piece into a coherent and decent piece of writing. I don't need to think about the Pulitzer Prize panel at this point, just the teacher. It sounds easier than it is, because this is probably the stage at which I have the greatest trouble. When I write something, my natural instinct is to walk away from it and do something else. I put a lot of energy into my stream of consciousness and don't want to have to revisit all the thoughts and feelings I had when I first wrote. Preferring to move onto another project, I tend to procrastinate at this point.

Procrastination is another sign of writer's block: a good friend and a better enemy. In spite of all the admonitions against procrastination, I have managed to turn procrastination into a motivational blessing. Pundits, parents, and teachers warn about the perils of procrastination, but I find that waiting until the last minute creates some positive pressure. With too much time I can get caught languishing. Procrastination creates time constraints that I have no choice but to overcome. Nothing can motivate me more to write than an immanent deadline and usually I come through just fine. When I have a deadline I hammer out final copy like there is a tomorrow: a tomorrow with a cut-off date. At that point I have no choice, which is why it's easier to overcome writer's block with a deadline than without.