Nonverbal Listening Patterns Observe Yourself

Nonverbal Listening Patterns

Observe yourself on two separate occasions holding conver-sations with two people you know. Choose one person with whom you enjoy spending time and another person with whom you feel less comfortable. Analyze your nonverbal lis-tening behavior during the conversation with each person. Use the categories listed below to describe exactly what you did in each category with each person. Review both columns and look for areas showing strength and areas showing a need for improvement. Under the category marked Ways to Improve, list ways you could improve, strengthen, and maintain your nonverbal listening behaviors. Consider some of the skills and activities in the project booklet as exercises to practice.

BEHAVIOR

WHAT YOU DID DURING CONVERSATION #1

WHAT YOU DID DURING CONVERSATION #2

WAYS to IMPROVE

Posture

Leaned my chin on my hand, crossed my legs

Walking next to the speaker

Greater physical closeness, occasional light touching when unable to make eye contact

Eye Contact

Steady

Eyes forward, occasionally looking both ways to cross the street, occasional eye contact

Eye contact can be difficult while moving; Speaking seriously & excess eye contact=discomfort

Facial Expressions

Mouth in a slight frown, brow furrowed.

Slight smile

Try to relax face when showing attention

Gestures

Crossed and re-crossed leg, shifted weight on chair.

Swinging arms as I walked

Make more of an effort to be physically open (uncrossed legs and arms); make more use of physical gestures

Nonverbal listening patterns: Two incidents

When engaging in a close observation of my nonverbal conversational patterns, I chose to select two very different types of conversations, in two very different settings. The first incident involved a serious conversation with a friend of mine, who was worried about his job prospects after college. I felt far less comfortable in this conversation than I did in the second conversation, which was a casual conversation that took place while I was walking with a friend, and talking about what we were going to do that evening.

In the first scenario, out of sympathy with my friend's predicament, I found myself mirroring his tense facial expression. As this was a direct, face-to-face conversation, my eye contact was largely steady and unwavering, except when my conversational partner was talking about an emotional issue and averted his eyes. Because of the tension in our dialogue, I found myself often crossing and re-crossing my legs and arms. I did not want to say I felt that he was being too negative. I was sitting for most of the exchange and because our talk was lengthy, I shifted my weight a great deal and rested my head upon my chin. I think my body language was appropriate, except for my crossed legs, which could have given an impression of being emotionally closed off, and my shifting weight may have communicated my discomfort. I could have made more of an effort to connect nonverbally by relaxing and keeping eye contact during the emotional parts of the conversation.

The second encounter had different challenges: I was talking to someone while walking on a busy street. I had to juggle my focus between my conversational partner and the various obstacles in front of us and on the ground. I think I could have done a better job keeping in nonverbal contact with my friend, either through touching him or her when we could not make eye contact to indicate my presence, or turning to look more frequently at him. Although this dialogue was pleasurable, it can be difficult to show interest and attention while moving, and avoid tripping or getting hit by cars. There is always a balance between showing attention to what is going on in your surroundings, and engaging with the other individual, particularly as I wanted to set a time and a date for meeting with him later in the evening.

I was surprised that many of my non-verbal listening postures involve 'folding up' when I was sitting. Walking with another person was very freeing. Partially, this had to do with the topic, which was more cheerful than the first, indoor conversation. But I think when I am sitting and talking with someone without much going on, I am inclined to try to show that I am paying attention, and my crossed arms and furrowed brow can come across as a lack of emotional sympathy. But in the other scenario, walking made steady eye contact difficult. I noticed that I had more trouble listening when I was not making eye contact and my focus was on the world around me, rather than my conversational partner. Eye contact is usually one of my strengths, but it can be hard to maintain on a busy street. I think that incorporating more physical contact, relaxation, and proximity to my partner could improve my nonverbal communication.