Parenting approaches and developmental outcomes

Parenting

No one would say that marriage and childrearing are easy. Yet many people believe that starting a family is a key to happiness and that might be one of the greatest myths currently floating around in our society, according to Polly Shulman. In the article "Great Expectations," Shulman argues that the idea of marriage as a means toward personal fulfillment is relatively new in our culture. Not only is the idea new but it is false, because another person cannot possibly make up for a person's lack of self-esteem. Similarly, Will Mosier points out that low self-esteem is a major cause of relationship problems in our society. In "The Essential Elements of a Healthy Relationship," the author shows how many people find it is easier to blame the partner for personal problems than to examine one's own faults and responsibilities. Shulman and Mosier's articles draw attention to the need for increased personal responsibility in all relationships.

In "Spanked Children Lose Trust," Shirley King shows how parents also need to apply personal responsibility to their childrearing practices. When a child acts out, parents need to open lines of communication. King argues that spanking only closes lines of communication. Instead of talking with the child, the parent cops out by using corporal punishment. Spanking helps parents avoid the difficult task of addressing the issue verbally or with love. In addition to preventing meaningful methods of discipline, spanking can have serious detrimental long-term effects. King states that spanked children often become rebellious and resentful towards their parents. They may become abusive towards others later in life. Spanking can also lead to more severe types of child abuse. While I have heard different opinions on spanking, I did not know that children who are spanked can become more resentful toward their parents. It makes sense that a spanked child learns negative ways of expressing his or her anger. King's article will change my outlook on corporal punishment and make me think twice about ever raising a hand to my children.

Also, I gained a lot of childrearing wisdom from the two articles on romantic relationships. Although they discuss mainly marriage, Mosier and Shulman's articles can address healthy ways of relating to children. For example, adults should never believe that having a child will be a panacea for their problems. Similar to the myth of the soul mate, the myth that a child will change everything is a sure way of creating more problems. Having children for selfish reasons can lead to major problems for both the parents and the children. Parents also need to maintain their personal interests when they have children. Sacrificing their interests, pressuring children to become like them, or nagging their children to be different are all ways that can destroy the bond between parent and child just as those negative behaviors can destroy the bonds between spouses.