Person I Interviewed Will Be

¶ … person I interviewed will be called Chiun Lai for the purpose of this report. Chiun is a young Chinese-American, who is also of a homosexual orientation. I began the interview by asking questions related to his history, including his experiences resulting from his minority status as Asian-American as well as homosexual. His answers provided me with insights regarding the challenges faced by groups that are often ignored by the media.

In the general American mind, so often dictated by the popular media, the concepts of homosexuality and the Asian ethnic group are mutually exclusive. The media usually portrays gay couples as being either white or black, with most of the other ethnic groups in the country generally being ignored when it comes to homosexuality. The very public announcements regarding their sexual orientation by actresses such as Ellen Degeneres and stars such as Elton John and George Michael tend to reinforce the concept of homosexuality as a mainly white issue. Asian homosexuality is an issue that is all but ignored not only by the popular media, but also by academic institutions. Indeed, very few studies have been conducted to study homosexuality among Asian communities, and particularly among young people. The tragedy is that these young people often need social and professional support, as I could also seen from my interview with Mr. Lai.

Chiun grew up in a Chinese neighborhood of New York City. His family was and still is very traditional. Chiun's mother cares for their home, their finances and the education of the children, while his father operates the American branch of the family's business. Having been in the United States for two generations, the family is fairly affluent, with Chiun and his 4 siblings receiving a high quality education and a good home. Chiun has two brothers and two sisters, all of whom are younger than himself, and none of whom have displayed homosexual tendencies.

Chiun first became aware of his sexuality when he was around 13 years old. All his friends were beginning to date girls and bragging about how far they could go with them. Chiun became aware that his sexual interest lay not with the girls, but rather with his friends. At first, this shamed and confused him. Chiun thought there was something wrong with him, and tried everything to cultivate his interest in girls. He had no support system to help him through this difficult growth stage.

His parents provided emotional support only within a framework that they believed was proper. They were otherwise a close family, but Chiun was unable to approach them regarding his particular problem. His parents, seeing that something was bothering him, attempted to question him, but Chiun could not bring himself to be honest about what he regarded as his "perversion." In the Lai household, this was the word used to describe homosexuality whenever it came up in conversation or in the media. Chiun began to feel very isolated in his home and school environment. He did not receive the emotional support he needed from his family, nor did he receive social support from his friends, who were only concerned with chasing girls. His friends also frequently made derogatory remarks about homosexuality, which discouraged Chiun from discussing the issue honestly with them.

His years as a teenager were very lonely. He dated girls only to please his parents, but was unable to enter any serious romantic relationships. He was completely isolated from himself as a homosexual person by the prejudice of his family and his friends, and therefore saw himself as a perverted individual rather than someone with healthy sexual needs.

In addition to this issue, Chiun also faced small daily harassments from racist groups at his school and in his social community. Although the United States professes equality for all, this is often not the case in reality. Prejudice on the basis of race and religion is often an issue faced by minority groups in the country. Complicating the issue is the fact that Chiun is a devout Buddhist, following the religion his family has held for centuries. Most of the friends he had in school were Christians, who often took their religion seriously enough to make attempts at converting Chiun to their religion.

When Chiun finished school at 17, he was desperately unhappy on both the social, emotional and personal levels, and decided that the teaching profession might help him to shift his focus away from his own problems. He left home to study at a college in San Francisco. It is here where he learned for the first time that he could have a normal life as an Asian-American homosexual man. He made a new set of friends.

Chiun's school friends were all Chinese. At college he made friends from other races for the first time. For the first time, he also made friends with different sexual orientations. Talking to such people allowed Chiun to feel that he could belong somewhere and not feel like a pervert with a dated religion. He was able to join the homosexual community at his college and began dating people he was really interested in. Chiun began to experience a semblance of the happiness that had eluded him during his teen years. Although he still experienced discrimination against his race and sexual orientation, at least Chiun had now begun to feel that he was not a pervert in a world of decent people; he was one of a community.

This realization however brought new problems. Chiun decided that it was time to tell his parents of his sexual orientation. Their telephone conversations had become increasingly uncomfortable, as they were asking questions about the possibility of marriage. Chiun was close to his parents and did not want to hurt them, as he feared he would when telling them the truth. However, facing a lifetime of unhappiness for himself and a wife he did not love was an even worse prospect. He resolved to come out with the truth to his parents during his first break from college, when he made a visit home.

The encounter was traumatic for both parents and child. Being the eldest son of an Asian family, Chiun's father had high hopes that he might be willing to forget his teaching aspirations and take over the family business. His mother was hoping for grandchildren. Both believing that homosexuality was a "perversion" that could be corrected, the parents resolved to make every effort to make their son see the error of his ways. They began this by threatening to disown him if he did not take a wife. The weeks that followed were dark.

When the threat did not work, Chiun's parents turned their attention to religion. Believing that college was the main culprit in corrupting their son, they removed him from tertiary education and entered him into a Buddhist resort for young men close to their home. Here he was educated in the intricacies of his religion, and in the proper ways for young men to behave. Chiun now became negative not only towards his parents, but also towards his religion, and once again felt very isolated from those he loved most.

After his resort period, Chiun made it clear to his parents that he needed to return to college if he was to have any chance for future happiness. He had to ask their permission, as he was still a minor. He carefully explained to them that he would obey whatever they told him to do, but that he would return to college as soon as he was of age. Not accepting him for what he was would mean the risk of losing him as a son forever. Chiun asked them to take whatever time they needed to make their decision.

Chiun emphasized that he had always been close to his parents, despite the difficulties surrounding his sexual orientation, and his self-concept as a perverted person. Today he is not bitter towards them at all; he believes that all they did was what they thought to be in his best interest at the time. When his love for them came into conflict with his opportunity to be happy, Chiun knew that he had to try and resolve the issue before giving up on their love. On the other hand, he also knew that he could not forever remain blindly loyal to family tradition if this meant a life sentence to unhappy duty.