Headshot He Has This Way

¶ … Headshot

He has this way of looking at me like I've said the wrong thing -- if I'm lucky. If he looks at me like I've said something wrong, it means he at least heard what I said. Most of the time he looks at me with a passive smile, artificial nod of the head, and eyes that are either looking directly through me or are making every attempt to try. He is not a nice man. But he knows what's best. This isn't "his first rodeo" and he would never do anything to jeopardize my life's dream. He loves me. He cares for me and about me. He knows how it feels to want something, do everything you can to try to achieve it, and sometimes fail in its pursuit. But he'll be there for me when I need him. Just as long as I keep paying him his percent off the top. My most colorful, and challenging, interpersonal communication dynamic is with my agent.

I am, and I believe always have been, an aspiring actor. As a part of that career path, I have had the unfortunate pleasure of selling myself, my look, and my personality to the highest bidder. But I use the word "my" loosely. That's where my agent comes in. He is the master architect of my future. He tells me how to cut my hair, what to say, how to think, where to go, what is funny, what isn't funny, and most times, who to be. There is no a better depiction of my agent's control than my discussions with him about my headshot.

Headshots are everything. People say a picture is worth a thousand words, and its true, which is why they are so important. Further, a headshot is critical to having a successful and profitable career. In a stack of a thousand aspiring actors, sometimes a three-second glance at your headshot is all you get. Accordingly, any discussion about headshots can lead to some interpersonal communication breakdown. However, mine is worse. I am of Armenian dissent and love that I have an exotic look that separates me from the average aspiring actor. My agent, however, thinks this separation will hurt my career more than help it. In his book, Nonverbal Communication, Albert Mehrabian stated that body positioning can play a meaningful role in social situations, and may facilitate or harm the interpersonal communication of "liking." He continues to explain that the communication by one person that they "like" the other. The effect of this "like" is illustrating in the tale of my agent and me. The first time my agent and I sat down to discuss my headshot, we were in his office. His office is impressive, professional, and conveys the sense that he is well established and learned in his profession. His furniture is well made, his attire is classy, and he speaks slightly louder than he needs in order for me to hear him. In all, he does everything he can to ensure he is in control from the very beginning.

When I first walked in, he pulled his chair alongside mine in a friendly manner and positioned himself so we were facing in the same direction. Although I didn't think much of this at the time, I now understand he was likely trying to gain my trust -- a sort of "we want the same things" type of non-verbal message. Taking from Mr. Mehrabian's theory, when my agent physically aligned himself next to me, facing the same direction, I got the impression that he liked me, and we were working together towards a common goal. In hindsight, his communication of "liking" also allowed me to let my guard down, and further empowered him to take control of the situation.

As I stated before, my cultural identity is important to me. I am proud of my Armenian heritage, and I am proud of the fact that I am unique. I want a headshot that conveys the same message. My agent does not. We began our discussion with a look at my current headshots. He began by criticizing the way my hair looked, the tone of my skin, and the way I was dressed. He basically said everything except for "you look too Armenian." He wanted to see me in jeans, in t-shirts, in American looking things. He wanted me to look more youthful and fresh. He basically wanted me to look like anything but myself.

While I understand his advice and I understand that he likely does have my best interest at heart, I simply do not want to standardize my identity for the sake of a successful career. Is there not a world where my Armenian-self and my successful-career-actor self can coexist? However, this sense of inner frustration was immediately put at ease simply by his body placement. While I hated the actual communications being made, it was easy to remember that he "wanted what was best" because we had the same goal in mind and we were both literally and figuratively facing the same direction. I had recognized his influence and had agreed to a different "more American" looking headshot.

The concept of influence was addressed by John Scott in his article, "A Formal Theory of Social Power." Scott breaks power down into three postulates: interpersonal power, attraction power, and legitimate power. While I will admit that aside from the above-mentioned "liking" sensation derived from the placement of my agent's chair next to mine, my agent scores extraordinarily low on the attraction power scale. However, his interpersonal and legitimate power are great.

Interpersonally, my agent is articulate and can convey his message without the need for much verbal noise. Time is money in the agency world and he does not have the time to convince me or anyone else he represents of anything. What he says goes -- sometimes to my detriment. However, I sometimes interpret his sense of urgency as excitement, which is comforting. I am very excited about my possible career and I enjoy the idea that the person behind the steering wheel is excited as well. That said, the conversations rarely amount to real conversations, which would imply a sort of give and take and exchange of ideas. Sadly, our conversations regarding my career (and my headshot, specifically) end of feeling more like lectures.

My agent also likes to touch while he talks. He likes to touch me gently on the back of the shoulder or on my forearm when he is telling me something he knows I will not like to hear. I see it as a preemptive strike, like a mother telling a son that everything will be alright. I also believe it is a way to make sure I stay put. His hand lingers for an uncomfortable amount of time. It is not a sexual touch, or a romantic touch, in the least, but a touch that pins me down to my chair while his eyes search for mine. I never look at him when he does this. It makes me uncomfortable and I now realize that if he is going to touch my arm, I will not like what he is about to say. This invasion of personal space is just one more example of how my agent uses the method and form of communication to gain power over my headshot, my career, and me. I hate it, but it is effective and a lesson that I have learned and likely a method I will use when I need to gain power over a situation.

Perhaps the worst part of our interpersonal communication regarding my headshot is his ability to anger me. I know, through class, that any form of emotion can be detrimental to an effective interpersonal communication, but this is an emotion I simply cannot control. I hear his words and I hear how quick he is to sell my culture up the river for the almighty dollar and my jaw tightens and the voice of anger inside my head becomes so loud I can no longer hear the words he is saying nor can I formulate my own. I simply sit with my hands gripping the chair, with every ounce of control in my body telling me not to get up and scream. Again, he will lend a comforting shoulder touch or a forearm touch, likely because he sees the veins popping out of my forehead and arms, and it settles me for a moment until I remember that everything to him is a game. My career is a game, my headshot is a game, and my cultural identity is a game. This topic of conversation and the negative message he is delivering is a combination for communicative disaster.