Personal Experience Project Improving Conflict

Personal Experience Project

Improving Conflict through Reframing

Recently I have had a personal conflict with a very old friend. He and I have had difficulties in the past when it came to communicating because, though we have known each other for well over a decade, we are vastly different people. One of the most common problems that we have is when I come to him simply to chat about a topic, or a situation with another person because I find it interesting, or wish to explore the idea using him as a sounding board. He is very much a "type A" individual who expresses his caring for people through an almost obsessive desire to solve their problems. He often comes to these solutions through, what he feels, is an especially enlightened perspective. This is usually communicated to me as a rather superior attitude, making me feel as if he believes I am not intelligent enough to come to these conclusions on my own. Not only this, but it is especially frustrating because he does not seem to understand that I just tend to talk about things as a mental exercise, and I am not looking for a solution because there isn't actually a genuine problem, it's just a little verbal entertainment.

Reframing of the argument that recently occurred, and likely many of the arguments that we have had would be a highly efficient and I suspect effective way to resolve the communication issue between us. This is especially poignant since I feel that he and I are approaching the situation from two completely different frames of mind, which makes it incredibly difficult to get him to understand the real reason why I am upset. If I were able to breakdown the situation and somehow enable him to understand the mental position I am approaching the topic from, then I believe the argument would be completely dissolve. If he were to understand that what he took to be a dilemma, or a decision on a dilemma was in fact NOT a dilemma, just an observation on my part with no subsequent decision, then he would see how his advice and judgment of my perceived thought process are fundamentally moot.