The Foundations of Christian Marriage

Christian marriage is one of the most important Christian traditions. Since God created the first man and woman, He intended us to create strong relationships with our partners, procreate, and participate in community life in this way. Marriage is the foundation of not only strong families, but also of strong individuals and strong societies. Therefore, Christians should continue to advocate strongly for the institution of marriage in spite of secular norms and trends that lead away from the marriage tradition.

The current trends that include a high rate of divorce, or partnerships that do not result in marriage, do not agree with Christian lifestyles. Moreover, these trends are relatively new and certainly do not reflect the tradition established by Christianity. The divorce rate has only been high within the past century, as previously it was not normative to divorce. Domestic partnerships that result in children without a wedding is also a trend so new, that it remains unacceptable in many traditional Christian communities around the world. Christians need to return to the roots and remember that trends are less important than Gods words in the Bible.

Christianity is also fundamentally opposed to violence in relationships. Unfortunately violence in marriages is not a new phenomenon. The Bible does advocate a male-controlled family structure, but the Bible does not in any way advocate violence towards women. Instead, the Bible teaches that marriages are built on mutual respect and on understanding the God-given roles in the family. A Christian marriage does restrict the freedoms of both women and men because of the patriarchal structure because "in a patriarchal culture all authority is vested in the husband-father," (Cooke 79). This means that the roles of husbands/men are as strictly defined by society as the roles occupied by wives/women.

Christian marriages have the potential to liberate the man and woman to pursue their spiritual and intellectual passions both within and outside of the family. One of the foundations of a Christian marriage is its role as promoting spiritual growth. Marriage in the Christian context is not just about raising children or economic interdependency. Rather, a Christian marriage is "a new human life of togetherness" in which the individuals are reborn just as Christ was reborn out of His love of humanity (Cooke 80). Christian marriage is a "sacramental relationship" based on "trust and hope," which is why even a patriarchal culture can have marriages based on mutual respect and trust. The Christian marriage concept can be best understood within the context the story of Christ, as Christ urged a relationship between the husband and wife that was fundamentally different from the marriage relationship that had previously existed (Cooke).

The Christian model of marriage is based on theology. When God advised Christians to "be fruitful and multiply," He did so within the framework of the traditional Christian marriage. Adam and Eve, the original Man and Wife, established the role models for all future marriages. When God created man and woman, He specifically did so to distinguish humans from the animals. God did not intend for people to procreate with anyone at any time, outside of the bonds of marriage, like animals do. The goal of human life is to serve God, not to create the maximum number of children possible. Marriage is a spiritual institution that can promote the development of emotions like love and compassion. Through the institution of marriage, the spouses improve their relationship with God by being willing to remain faithful.

At the same time, Christian couples should be counseled on the joys of parenthood, so that they do not put off having children until it is too late. A marriage without children is unheard of in the Christian tradition because the Bible presents only marriages that result in childbirth. The story of Abraham and Sarah is one of the first ones in the Bible to explore what happens when a married couple cannot conceive. In this Biblical story, Sarah feels that having children is so important that she authorizes her husband to copulate with Hagar the servant so that they can have a child; the child Abraham has with Hagar is considered their own child just as modern couples use surrogates. However, Sarah prayed that she might have a child of her own and God listened, giving Sarah her own child too. The story of Sarah is instrumental in showing what marriage means to Christians. Marriage is about trust in God, but it is also about having children. There are no married couples in the Bible who decide that they prefer to have pets instead of children.

Divorce is also not a practice that occurs in the Bible, which is why most Christians are opposed to divorce. Marriages are destined to create interpersonal conflicts, but those conflicts do not need to result in a divorce. Couples who are uncertain of their future together could receive counseling within the Christian tradition, to prevent emotional, psychological, and social problems that result when the two individuals are incompatible with one another. If a man and woman do believe that they have a future together, their bond and commitment will be a reflection of God's bond and commitment with humans.