Older Many People Say, \"Life

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Many people say, "Life begins at 40," or "The joys of middle age." However, not everyone agrees with these very positive cliches. In her book Getting Over Getting Older: An Intimate Journey, Ms. magazine founder and journalist Letty Cottin Pogrebin paints a more rounded picture of what life is like at the wise age of half a century. Through her own personal feelings and experiences and those from a wide variety of others -- stay-at-home moms to movie actors and fellow authors -- she shows how people feel growing older. The positive aspect about the book is that "anything goes" as far as Pogrebin is concerned. The millions of men and women baby-boomers have the right to believe whatever they want about hitting the 50 -- there is no right or wrong way to view life in the slower lane. As the author states when asked whether her book about time and aging would be depressing or uplifting, "Both!" (p.15).

Pogrebin starts off her book dealing with the topic of time, which is such a large part of Western society. It comes as no surprise that so many people are hung up about becoming older, since so much stress is placed on time passing. This makes many "women become so preoccupied with physical aging that they are diverted from what they might do, contribute or accomplish," says Pogrebin. (p.13). Instead, she believes, it is best to be mindful of the importance of extending life, elongating time, and be "open to one's possibilities."

Similarly, she states, it is not helpful to mix up being adult with becoming old. Being grown-up does not necessarily mean that one is fully formed and all-knowing. Everyone, she adds, is a work in progress, or as 88-year-old William Fullbright's button claimed: "Aged to perfection!"

People always want to have a party for friends and family members when they hit the big 50, or even the not-so-big 40. Perhaps it is because misery loves company. Or, maybe it is because they want to make sure the birthday gals/guys know how much everyone loves them before dropping dead. In tribute these parties and her own, Pogrebin spends a chapter on her coming of age gathering with the friends and loved ones' stories about changes in their lives. Each of these stories, she says, was about gaining something such as wisdom, autonomy, and freedom that comes with growing older.

So, what should individuals do as they start going grey -- slow down or try to do everything they always wanted to do but always put off? Once again, the answer depends on the person. Pogrebin quotes author Elie Wiesel who, after Auschwitz, stated: "The main thing is not to waste time" (p.87). This is in contrast to the story about the artist walking down the street who took a long time to get to his next destination -- if he arrived early, what would he do with his extra time? "At the end of the day, each of us must live within our own relationship to time and no one else's," concludes the author (p.88). One of the expressed "joys" of middle age, is that people no longer worry about what everyone else says is right or wrong. Their self-esteem grows, and they are more certain of their own self-worth.

Thus, so what if some people become nostalgic for the past more than ever as they become older? It's fine as long as it does not completely make them immobile, but rather keeps them whole and stronger as individuals. Nostalgia does not have to be "mired in the swamps of middlebrow mushiness" or mean that "being impervious to the past is a badge of sophistication" (p.114). Being nostalgic can also mean gaining pleasure and learning from the past.

Let's face it, says the author, everyone also feels differently about physical changes that occur when becoming older. Is each new change with age a cause of shame or a badge of experience? Some people can easily abide the weight gain, wrinkles and flabby underarms. Others immediately rush off to the plastic surgeon to get lifted, tucked and botoxed. Anyway, who is she to reject vanity in others when her hair and makeup are always such a worry? Where does this leave her? To "work at my appearance to whatever extent helps me to feel good enough to free myself to work at what really matters to me" (p.153). This means keeping in good enough mental and physical shape, so she can do whatever makes her happy.

The bottom line, according to the author, is that some things are inevitable such as dying and menopause, so one has to make the best of them. Even more so, one has to decide what means the most in life, so the last decades can be lived to their fullest. Whether it is writing a book, spending time with friends, going out dancing, having sex with one's spouse, or spending time in solitude, each person has his or her own ways of going out in style. At the end of her book, Pogrebin gives some things that mean the most to her, as an individual.