Love Marriage Is an Earthly

Love

Marriage is an earthly representation of Jesus's new covenant with God. As Flores (2010) points, out, "the Lord elevated marriage new covenant established by God through the Blood of his Son," (p. 2). As a sacred covenant, marriage should absolutely be taken seriously by all who should enter into its contract. Love is the foundation of all marriages, and must be an enduring love to become a part of a successful marriage. Enduring love is a spiritual principle, and yet one that must be rooted in the most mundane aspects of everyday life. No marriage -- indeed no human relationship at all -- can thrive without effort, ethics, and core principles. Among the core principles that underlie enduring love include forgiveness, kindness, patience, self-acceptance, and conflict resolution. When these five principles are cultivated via daily work and concerted effort, marital love can indeed become elevated to a spiritual level. Marriages that are elevated to a spiritual level are the ones that will endure the test of time.

Conflicts are important parts of any relationship, and especially marriages. Inevitable and unavoidable, conflicts can become blessings when they are recognized and accepted. As Hall (1996) points out, no marriage can be without conflict and in fact, partners who claim to never fight are suspicious. "Marriages in which no one ever fights are those in which one side has badgered the other into silence," (Hall 1996, p. 72). By applying the lessons learned from encountering conflict into improving the relationship, individual partners can build up their resilience and therefore become more able to deal with stress when it arises. Conflict can therefore illuminate the steps toward strengthening marriages and creating enduring love.

One of the keys to conflict resolution in a marriage is to be willing to confront the partner honestly. "When sinned against, we are required to speak to our offender with honesty and humility -- to confront him in a loving manner," ("Resolving Conflict: Two Principles" n.d.). However, not all gripes should be aired or become problems. Individual partners must at some point be willing to tolerate the partner's imperfections. "Through deep and mature love, many minor offenses can be covered...According to I Corinthians 13:5, "Love does not take into account a wrong suffered," ("Resolving Conflict: Two Principles" n.d.).

In this sense, then, conflict resolution is a critical component of enduring love. As Luskin (2002) points out, forgiveness is a science. Research shows that "learning to forgive improves mental and physical well-being and heals relationships," (Luskin 2002, p. 31). Forgiveness minimizes the build-up of resentment in a relationship. Forgiveness teaches the core principle of humility, which is essential to enduring love. No one is perfect; therefore, no one should expect a partner in marriage to be perfect. Similarly, no one should expect themselves to be perfect. This is why self-acceptance is one of the principles of enduring love.

Self-acceptance should never be confused with the self-love that comes from ego or selfishness. No relationship can endure the test of time when one or the other partner is self-absorbed. Similarly, no partner in a relationship should try to be completely self-sufficient or self-contained, lest the other person become isolated. "The man or woman who claims to be self-sufficient or self-contained, who claims to be without needs, is in need of a mirror," (Hall 1996, p. 73). Needs must be shared, and conflicts must be dealt with together.

Stacy and Brian have been married for seven years and Stacy has recently been experiencing the proverbial seven-year itch. Always an attractive woman, Stacy has recently become aware that other men find her attractive. She enjoys the attention she gets when other men flirt with her, and finds that the attention she receives from them is harmless and empowering. Because Stacy has felt emotionally and physically neglected by her husband during the past few months, she thrives on the flirtations she has with coworkers and opposite-sex friends. Moreover, Stacy and Brian have had sporadic sex over the past year and when they do become intimate it feels like a dull routine. Stacy and Brian both feel that the passion as left the relationship.

After a few weeks of conscious flirting, Stacy realized she developed a crush on Dave. Dave complements Stacy, whereas her husband Brian has not paid her one complement in over a month. One day after work, Dave and Stacy go to the bar for after-work drinks and a coworker notices their frequently touching each other. When they say good night, Dave kisses Stacy on the mouth. The kiss shocks Stacy, who realizes she is playing with fire.

The story of Stacy and Brian illustrates some of the core issues at play in a marriage with a potential conflict. Stacy has not yet cheated on Brian, but she seems dangerously close to doing so. The conflict is only shallowly related to sex. Although sex is surely an important component of an enduring marriage, the root cause of Stacy's behavior is her feeling neglected by her husband.

To resolve the conflict between Stacy and Brian, it would be important to focus on what the couple can do to rekindle their love and romance. Stacy needs to feel greater self-acceptance rather than relying on the attention given to her by other men to feel loved. At the same time, Stacy needs to confront Brian about her needs and Brian needs to be willing to listen. Brian must be able to rely on his core spiritual reserves of kindness and compassion instead of reacting defensively when Stacy eventually confronts him. If Brian can discover why he might not be paying enough attention to his wife, then the conflict between the two individuals might be resolved before infidelity takes place. Stacy also needs to be able to forgive Brian for his emotional and physical detachment and be willing to let go of the rush she feels when flirting with other men. Both Stacy and Brian need patience to get them through this difficult period in their relationship.