Creative nonfiction: forms, techniques, and contemporary applications

¶ … Public Cellular Phone Use: A Major Pet Peeve

Cell phones are undoubtedly a tremendous modern convenience. On the other hand, they are the mechanism for one of the most pervasive social annoyances: namely, the obnoxious habits of people who habitually use their cell phones in a pathetic cry for attention in public. That is not to say that there is necessarily anything wrong about using a cell phone in public at all. In fact, if one uses a cell phone appropriately in public, it is perfectly conceivable that one could do so in restaurants or even libraries. The problem is that many people seem to enjoy broadcasting the details of their lives publicly under the guise of a phone conversation. Consider that virtually everything ever overheard from an obnoxious cell phone user is flattering to the speaker: people love to bark out orders or give advice to others in their public cell phone conversations; but one never overhears anybody schedule a dermatology appointment or ask to borrow money.

Appropriate use of cell phones in public generally means conducting conversations with as much respect for the rights and sensibilities of others in your immediate vicinity. The primary way of doing so simply relates to the volume of your voice: the appropriate volume is simply the same approximate volume that would be socially appropriate and considerate of others if the speaker were addressing someone in person within the vicinity of other people. (This is not exactly rocket science.)

In that sense, there is no reason that cell phones should necessarily be banned from restaurants or even libraries. Consider that nobody objects to a face-to-face conversation between two people over dinner, although one could also imagine particular types of conversations and volumes of speech that would be considered inappropriate in a public restaurant. Likewise, most libraries do not absolutely prohibit in-person conversations, provided they are conducted at a volume and context appropriate for a library. In that regard, a deliberately quiet exchange between colleagues on a matter important enough to discuss in the library is usually permitted in person. But for the rules necessary to address wholly inappropriate types of conversations (and volumes) of obnoxious cell phone users in restaurants and libraries, such harsh rules would be unnecessary.

The reason cell phones must be banned, absolutely, from restaurants, libraries, and even gyms is simply because people whose cell phone habits are completely obnoxious ruin it for the rest of us. People who use cell phones appropriately tend to share certain traits: (1) they speak in the lowest possible volume necessary, (2) they purposely turn away from others and shield their conversations with their bodies as much as possible, (3) they cover their other ear, (4) they understand the difference between situations where "necessary" conversations are acceptable but purely social conversations inadvisable or offensive, based on social context, and (5) they understand that all the same principles apply to the ringing of a cell phone as well.