Promoting marital communication through self-esteem and self-love

Public Service Announcement

It is generally agreed that the institution of marriage appears to be in crisis. Indeed, the divorce statistics are frightening. The reasons cited for this have been as varied as the people citing them: some hold that divorce has been made to easy, while others feel that there is a general breakdown of interpersonal communication that could be solved by counseling. A third group holds that it is a religious problem: people have turned away from what they see as fundamental truths, and therefore commit the "sin" of divorce. Perhaps it is true that couples all too easily opt for divorce rather than working out what could be minor problems. Perhaps the high divorce rate is a combination of all the problems mentioned. Nonetheless, the issue is a manifestation of the hurried lives we live, with little time for interaction even with ourselves, much less with our partners. The public service announcement (PSA) will therefore focus on techniques to regain contact with the self, and through this, reestablish contact with a partner.

Overview

According to authors such as Bob Narindra and Sandra T. Spalding, communication is one of the most important foundations of a good marriage. However, the way in which this communication occurs can become problematic. One of the partners may for example communicate by fighting all the time, while the other partner responds by being fearful for the majority of their lives together. Others may interact with silence, facial expressions, and gestures. Communication styles differ among people. The particular style is not of importance. What is important, is that communication should occur effectively. Each partner needs to be able to interact in a way that makes him or her feel satisfied and valued. This often does not happen, and I believe that the core of the problem is a lack of self-esteem in at least one partner. This can be remedied by self-love.

According to Spalding, loving oneself is not selfish. Indeed, it is the one thing that will ensure that those with whom the person interacts are also happy and valued individuals. The problem with complete self-sacrifice for the marriage partner or other persons in the household is that it creates resentment. The self-sacrificing person feels that he or she is being used without ever receiving anything in return. Having chosen such a lifestyle, the person is then unable to articulate how he or she truly feels, and is therefore obliged to carry on suffering, either in silence or with harsh words towards the other people in the household. This leads to a breakdown in effective communication.

The problem related to this is the fact that the mental processes mentioned above occurs on a subconscious level. Hence not even the person failing to communicate effectively understands the reasons for this being so. This makes it very difficult to understand that the problem can be addressed and solves, and therefore the marriage has a higher likelihood of ending in divorce.

The topic of the PSA will focus on these issues by announcing a workshop specifically addressing what it means to love oneself. The heading could be something along the lines of "Loving you, loving me: rediscovering your perfect spouse." The premise will then be that a person can only love someone else effectively if he or she values and loves him- or herself.

The PSA poster can then perhaps have hearts, stars, wedding rings, or some similar graphic to symbolically indicate love. Underneath the heading, there will be an invitation to the workshop, with the time and place. The poster will also indicate some of the major topics to be addressed in the workshop, for example: "On the brink of divorce? Stop. Learn how to value yourself and love your partner. Stop the self-sacrifice and start the self-love. Be free, and share yourself. Create a beautiful life with your partner." These phrases could be presented as bullet points underneath the invitation. The opening question could be emphasized by printing it in a different color or in larger text than the rest of the poster. The central aim is to curb the divorce problem by showing couples techniques to reestablish effective communication and love one another without giving up their own right to self-esteem.

Learning objectives

The main learning objective is that the readers of the PSA need to understand that something can be done about problematic marriages. It may not be necessary to file for divorce if both partners are willing to provide both themselves and each other with love and respect. It is possible to be happy in marriage. This is a further objective.

Many people, both in life and in their marriage, are unhappy. The PSA should therefore include graphics and phrases that indicate how self-love and communicating effectively within a marriage can bring them greater happiness. Self-sacrifice leads to resentment and unhappiness. A person who loves him- or herself takes enough time for hobbies, rest and other activities that fulfill him or her in some way. This provides the person with a sense of self-actualization, which leads to self-esteem. Self-esteem is vital in communicating effectively.

Finally, the most important thing about the PSA is that it should attract the correct kind of people to the workshop. It should therefore state very clearly that the target is couples who feel that their marriage is in trouble. It should also clearly state the objectives of teaching self-love and effective communication to create a better and happier marriage.

In conclusion, I feel that all people have within them the ability to make their marriages work. The present divorce rate appears to indicate otherwise. However, I believe it indicates nothing more than an unwillingness to look beyond resentment and personal pain to find techniques that each partner can use him- or herself. It is easy to blame each other for marital problems. The workshop will move the focus away from this paradigm to find techniques that are both more effective and less difficult to live with. When completed, the posters will be put up at public place to draw the maximum amount of participants. If successful, and if necessary, more such workshops will be arranged.

Sources

Narindra, Bob. Three keys to a successful marriage. Lovingyou.com, Inc., 2007. http://www.lovingyou.com/content/advice/self-help/content.php?ART=3keystomarriage

Spalding, Sandra T. Relationships begin with loving yourself. Spalding Educational Products, Inc., 2008. http://www.spaldingeducprod.com/pages/text/relation.html