Joys Parenthood, Reconsidered by Robin

¶ … Joys Parenthood, Reconsidered by Robin W. Simon

Calling parenthood "the quintessential job that never ends" Robin Simon, in this 2008 article from Contexts, inadvertently makes a Kevorkian like case for mothers and fathers everywhere to terminate the joys offspring bring into their lives. Sociologists have found that parents in the United States "experience depression and emotional distress more often than their childless counterparts." This research suggests that the little bundles of joy that grace our lives should come with a lifetime prescription of Xanex.

About 80% of all the adult population has biological children. Simon asserts the reasons for all this masochism have to do with how we are taught to view parenthood and societal pressure. Our culture equates childlessness with feelings of sadness, emptiness, purposelessness, and meaninglessness. The benefits of procreation are assumed to be derived as the children grow and their parents slip into their "golden years." This is a time where children and grandchildren are supposed to fill the void and give life meaning. On the other hand, couples who dare not to procreate are assumed to be miserable and emotionally unfulfilled. The 80% characterize the other 20% as selfish, unhappy, and it is assume that one day, after it is too late, they will regret the decision not to bare children.

Misery loves company.

According to Simon, societal research based on national surveys reveals "an association between parenthood and depression, emotional distress, and other negative emotions." Living with minor children has been linked to significantly lower levels of psychological well-being. Parents with children in the home report considerably less frequent positive feelings such as calm and contentment, and appreciably more frequent negative feelings such as fear, anxiety, worry and anger. Go figure.

As for the supposition that the "golden years" are more enjoyable to those who dared to conceive, research indicates that empty nesters report similar levels of well-being as childless adults. In fact no group of parents reports significantly greater well-being than the childless. What counts in contributing to feelings of well-being and mental health are factors such as social status, employment and socioeconomic status.

Parents are exposed to a greater number of stressors that negate and even exceed the emotional rewards of parenthood. As if this were not enough, this stress is considered by many a personal matter and an indication of their inability to cope with the normal demands of having children. Is the shame the horror or the horror the shame? In either case this exacerbates feelings of inadequacy.

The exorbitant cost of child rearing also contributes to the feeling of unwell-being caused by raising a child in today's world. The U.S. Department of agriculture estimates that families spend anywhere from $134,370 to $269,520 raising a child to the age of seventeen. This does not include the cost of college. For couples with children that is a lot of relaxing weekends on the beach lost.