Red - Edits Are Made in Blue

¶ … red - Edits are made in blue

The Price of Beauty

Plastic surgery, which is popularly known as cosmetic surgery, is not only a costly affair but also has proven to have many dreadful side effects like bruising, nerve damage and other infections. It is not worth the money, time, danger and psychological outcomes. This surgery is very different from a regular operation, because unlike regular procedure, this one is requested by the patient. Despite all the potential side effects and many unsuccessful surgeries, the numbers in these procedures are only increasing. [Introduce this quote] "The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery estimates that nearly 10,000,000 plastic surgery procedures were performed in the United States in 2009, a 147% increase from when these figures were first tracked in 1997." Have we come to the point where our life is worth less than our beauty? How far are we willing to go for the perfection or someone's approval of ourselves? [Your introductory paragraph needs more focus. See outline at the end of the essay for ideas]

Plastic surgery can result in psychological disorders in those who were dissatisfied with the results. [The first line of each paragraph is called the topic sentence. The topic sentence lets the reader know what the paragraph is going to talk about. Your topic sentence in this paragraph makes a statement about "psychological disorders," therefore the rest of the paragraph should present an objective analysis of psychological disorders. More than giving an opinion that plastic surgery causes disorders, tell the reader what these disorders are called by name and demonstrate exactly how failed plastic surgery causes them. When you change topics, start a new paragraph.] A test should be performed before any cosmetic surgery in order to determine client's psychological and emotional stability. Psychological distress can result from a lack of preparation for example, when clients are warned about the danger of aesthetic surgery, many times the dangers are ignored and then when something goes wrong, costumers have a rude reality awakening when procedure goes wrong and they wake up to a disproportioned body. [Make sure the reader knows how each sentence connects to the topic by adding introductions or transition phrases. Suggestions/examples are given in blue. Make general statements first, and then follow up with details such as examples, data, or explanations that support the general statement] It seems that slowly we are all becoming a part of Frankenstein world as described by Shelly:

"His limbs were in proportion, selected his features as beautiful. Beautiful! -- Great yellow skin scarcely covered the work of muscles and I had God! His arteries beneath; his hair was of a lustrous black, and flowing; his teeth of a pearly whiteness; but these luxuriances only formed a more horrid contrast with his watery eyes, that seemed almost of the same color as the dun white sockets in which they were set, his shriveled complexion and straight black lips" (1).