Teaching chastity and Catholic sexual ethics to adolescent males

Date of Ministerial Experience: 7/10/2021 Pastoral issue:
How can I help young people to realize the importance of living chastely so as to be disposed to receive the gifts of the Holy Spirit in a world that inundates them with impurity and pornography virtually everywhere they go?
Learning goal for this session:
I must learn to present the gospel to the young population in a way that makes it feel vital to their development and essential to their salvation so that they are disposed to want to form good, virtuous habits.  
Background: 
I am doing my ministry at St. Mary’s, from 11 am to 12 noon on Saturday. In this group are 12 young men, adolescents from ages 13 to 18. All of them come from Catholic homes and are interested in growing in the faith. Among the participants, there is a high degree of maturity and regard for the Catholic faith, but because they are males living in the world, dealing with changes within themselves, and developing their personal identities at the same time, they have many questions and concerns, particularly when it comes to sex and how to navigate these tricky waters. I have noted that some of them are interested in movies and shows and music that expose them to impure themes and ideas that could foster in them vices if indulged. It is important to me that they develop good habits in purity so that they are not struggling with these issues all throughout their adult lives.
One of the themes that I wanted to stress with this group is that sex is for marriage and that marriage is a vocation. Some of them may have a vocation to the religious life, either as priests or as brothers; others will hopefully become husbands and fathers. I want them to know that sex is an important and natural function in the married life, but that it is dangerous and deadly to the soul if it is pursued outside of the marriage function. I want them to understand that everything God has given them in their nature is good but only insofar as it is used in the manner that respects God’s commandments and His will. God did not give to man the sex instinct so that he could live a carnal life like a heathen but rather to populate Heaven with more children who will give glory to God. My goal is to frame discussions of purity within this perspective so that the big picture idea of what sex is for can take hold and help to direct them in their daily lives.
On top of that, I wanted to encourage a habit of prayer and devotion but also awareness that as Catholic young men they need to set the standard for others, particularly for friends who may not be Catholic and who may be tempted to lead licentious lives. These young Catholic men must be mindful to show the way forward because they have been blessed to receive the light of faith and the light of truth that comes from Jesus to them. I wanted them to be mindful of the special gift of faith they have been given and how vital it is for them that they live that faith and honor it by maintaining pure minds, hearts and wills. I wanted them to know that God will bless them 10-fold for their commitment to His will if they live holy, chaste lives in accordance with their vocation. I also wanted them to know how destructive the vice of impurity can become if they let it take hold in their souls. There are plenty of examples that I can choose from in the real world, but one that I have selected for this particular discussion is the story of Chris Farley, who was a Catholic who struggled with addiction and impurity, and did not have a good death as a result. We pray for him like we do for all the dead, but his story should also serve as a warning to the young men of the reality of the dangers they face out in the world. I wanted them to be forewarned and forearmed so that they can all the more resist temptation. My worry going in was that the youths might not respond to what I was saying, and I like to get some feedback to know whether I am connecting at all.
Description: 
To really see whether I was connecting, I had to use my social and emotional intelligence skills. These helped me to read body language, to see what the youths were thinking and feeling without having to ask them directly. What I noticed right away was that half of the group knew of Chris Farley, and half had never heard of him. This showed to me the discrepancy in the group: some have been more sheltered from the world than others, which is not a bad thing. A couple of the young men laughed when I mentioned that I would be sharing with them a story about Chris Farley today because they had seen a popular movie called “Tommy Boy” and they thought it was hilarious. I let them know that we would not be discussing the movie but rather the life of the man who made many people laugh but who himself suffered terribly in his soul because he did not develop good habits of purity in his early days. In this way I was able to announce the theme of the workshop with this group of young men without making anyone uncomfortable at the outset. I have noticed in the past that if I bring up the topic of purity right away, it causes some young men to feel flustered, others embarrassed, and others are put off by it because they feel it is such an unrealistic ideal as they have already been too exposed to immorality. By broaching the subject by way of the story of Chris Farley, I am able to come at indirectly, without anyone really realizing right away what my main point is going to be.
We first began with a prayer to the Holy Spirit: “Come Holy Spirit, kindle in us the fire of they love and send forth thy spirit that they may be created….” By opening ourselves to the Spirit of God, we can dispose ourselves to receive His gifts—but it requires also some formation of the mind and will. To emphasize the need for this personal formation and commitment to leading a holy life in the faith of a world that wants to lure so many young men to Hell through impurity, I then disclosed that I would like to tell a story about Chris Farley. As I have stated there were two young men at the upper ages of the age bracket in the group that I was dealing with who had heard of him and had enjoyed his comedy. I was particularly mindful not to say anything critical of his comedy, since they liked his humor. The lesson I wanted to impart was quite distinct from his comedy.
So I told the story of Chris Farley, how he came from a Catholic home in Wisconsin, played rugby in college, had a friend who went off to become a priest, and how he himself went off to pursue comedy in stand-up before landing a job on Saturday Night Life, where he made millions of people laugh. I then told them that Chris also developed many bad habits, including living an impure lifestyle and abusing drugs and alcohol. He never abandoned his faith, however, and he was a very conflicted person. When he would return home to Wisconsin, he would go to Mass and meet with his priest friend and talk about his struggles. For a few years, he led a sober life and avoided the temptations. But after a while he fell back into his bad habits. Those bad habits eventually killed him. He died in his room, alone, after being abandoned by an escort he had hired to spend the evening with him. When his body was found, a friend placed a rosary in Chris’s hand, but no one knows the state of his soul at the hour of his death. As Catholics, we pray for him, as many loved him, but it is also possible that he resisted God’s grace to such a point that he is now burning in Hell. We do not know, but we should all fear such an outcome. If it can happen to one such as Chris, it can happen to any of us, if we do not develop good habits. The world is waiting with its traps and its giant jaws to drag souls to Hell, and we must be mindful to stay in union with God so as to avoid those traps. I then explained that this was nothing new, that these temptations have always existed and that the Gospels and Epistles of the New Testaments warn us about them.
Some of the young men responded with affirmation, but I could tell that the older boys were not as emphatic in their acknowledgment of the truth of what I was saying. They made excuses, such as, “Well, Chris Farley got rich so he could do whatever he wanted. Most people can’t do that, so the temptation for us is not that great. Besides, it’s just a little fun; it’s not realistic to avoid everything.” One young man noted that he had had girlfriends in the past who would “do anything” with him, and he asked an earnest question: “How do you say no to that? I mean, if they are willing and even eager to do stuff, it’s like hard to avoid that, you know?” And so I said, “Yes, that is what I think Chris was dealing with. It is hard for everyone, and those temptations, as you point out, will be there for everyone.” I decided I had to tell another story that I had not planned on telling but that I know thought might be helpful to show how important it is to steer clear of temptations and to adopt a lifestyle of virtue that is pleasing to God.
So now I told a story about Shoefoot, a shaman from the Yanomamo tribe in the Amazon. Shoefoot was a shaman who lived a very wicked life, calling upon spirits in the rainforest to slay his enemies in other tribes, and abusing women whenever he felt like it. The members of his tribe lived in fear of him. But one day, two Christian missionaries arrived in his tribe. Shoefoot had just come from one of his very wicked customs and was not in a good state. He was naked and feeling ill—but the Christian missionaries told him about Jesus Christ, the God whom all the devils of the rainforest feared. Shoefoot understood the truth of what these missionaries were saying, for he trafficked in spirits and knew from afar that there was a great God he had never met but whom the other spirits were afraid of. So he went into the forest to pray to his good God Jesus Christ, and he prayed that Jesus would free him from his demons because he was after all very unhappy in his wicked ways. The demons immediately began making so much noise that Shoefoot could barely think, but he kept praying asking for the help of Jesus. Then Shoefoot looked up and saw Satan himself running through the forest after him, and Satan grabbed him by the arms and began making him dance and chant the old chants, and Shoefoot prayed all the more to be saved by Jesus from this horrible situation. And then, just like that, God struck like lightning and Shoefoot heard a voice of total authority command Satan to leave and never come back. God said, “He is mine now.” And Shoefoot became a Christian on the spot. But most importantly Shoefoot began to read and learn Scripture and he discovered that God wants Christians to leave the old ways of the pagans and heathens because their culture is from Satan. God wants Christians to have a God-centered, Christian culture, which is possible—but it takes commitment, fasting, penance, prayer, and learning. Many people in Shoefoot’s tribe never converted but instead continued on with their old ways, their wicked dances and fighting and customs, all of which came from Satan. Later missionaries came who viewed these customs as good and Shoefoot was horrified by this because they did not know how he had been enslaved by demons as a direct result of living in accordance with these wicked customs. He warned others that to be Christian they must have a Christian culture, but few listened to him. Many of them perished in wars because they never understood that to be Christian requires a change from the ways of the world, which invariably lead to destruction and death, to the ways of God, which are the ways of peace, light, truth, and love.
After this, we discussed some of the virtues that can help us to orient ourselves to the Holy Spirit, including humility and generosity. And finally we touched on very briefly the purpose of marriage as a vocation in life and how an insufficient view of marriage can cause many people to choose the wrong vocation. That was not much time left for questions, and we ended with a prayer.
Personal Reflection:
It was difficult for me to tell if I was making any headway with the young men, as it quickly became apparent that there was a lot of ground to cover here, and some of the group had a rather worldly conception of what is meant by love and others had more of a traditional Christian view. This clash of perspectives created a bit of tension in the group, and I was not certain how to defuse it. I thought that by telling the two stories as bookends of the main point that I sought to make—which is how important it is to resist temptation in this world—I could nail home the point. But I could tell that the oldest boys were nowhere near being satisfied with what I was trying to communicate to them. They seemed to be already half-taken by the temptations that this world affords young men. They looked at me almost as if they felt sorry for me, and yet it is really the other way around, because I felt most sorry for them: I could tell they were going to have a hard time of it as they, in their pride, were refusing to understand the point that I wanted to make to them.
I began to worry that they might be a bad influence on the other children, but God says to call all the young people to Him (2 Chron. 20:13), and Deut. 6:4-9 indicates that the commandments of God must be made known to the young as well as the old. Thus, while I briefly considered asking them to no longer attend, as they all but admitted to my face that they enjoyed entering into temptation with young women, I thought that perhaps I should instead speak with their parents first. After all, 1 Tim. 4:12 states, “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” Likewise, the Lausanne Occasional Paper (2004) states that “God works in and through young people. If we are to do what we see the Father doing, the church must make it a priority to draw youth into His Kingdom and train them up as disciples.”[footnoteRef:2] So I did not want to prevent them from returning if at all possible. However, as Titus 2:3-5 notes, if the virtues are missing in the parents, they are likely to be missing in the children. Thus, I realized that I need to make contact with the parents as well as the children because it is a battle that has more than one front, and it is not going to be won or lost in a day. That is what both the Old and the New Testaments make clear—the young and old must be the recipient of the message of God, and the minister must work with both.[footnoteRef:3] [2: Lausanne Occasional Paper 52: The 12/25 Challenge Reaching the Youth Generation. 2004 Forum on World Evangelization, Pattaya, Thailand.] [3: Borgman, D. 1988. Biblical and Theological Basis of Youth Ministry. Center for Youth Studies.]

So I now need to think about how best to approach parents. I think the best step is to organize a meeting with fathers, so that the men of the parish can come together and we can discuss the real battle that we are all facing together. This is a spiritual battle that I hope and pray they will all be attentive to, but I fear that some will take it more seriously than others. For that reason, I want to think about how to approach this issue in a way that everyone will realize its importance. I think that the story idea was not a bad one, but that I need to maybe come up with an even better story that will help fathers to understand how important their role in teaching virtue to their sons really is.
At the same time, I want to keep up the plan on the youth front: by engaging the youth I can also help to strengthen the spirit of the parish, as they too can set a good example, even for the older generations.[footnoteRef:4] They cannot be set aside while I focus on working on the fathers, but must also be brought in fully to the faith.[footnoteRef:5] [4: Bunge, M. J. 2014. Christianity’s Commitments to Nurturing and Protecting Children: Biblical Foundations: Children are neighbors worthy of love and respect. Child Abuse & Neglect, 38(4), 576–584.] [5: Konz, D. 2014. The many and the one: theology, mission, and child in historical perspective. In Theology, mission and child: global perspectives. Portland, OR: Wipf & Stock Publishers.]

Professional/Pastoral:
From a pastoral point of view, I was careful to listen to the perspective that the older boys were giving to me, without making them feel that I was judging them. As Clinebell points out, one must not discourage others from talking, but must at the same time look for the cues that are given in nonverbal ways. [footnoteRef:6] I certainly did this and could tell that the boys were being genuine in their communication. They were not putting on airs to make others laugh: their eye contact was direct and their tones were authentic. If I had paid attention to their words only, I might have missed these cues and might have become defensive, but instead I calmly took what they were saying and instead of making a direct answer that might antagonize or belittle them and their experiences, I introduced them to the person of Shoefoot by way of story. I can now return to his story, as it is available online and has many gems in it that can help me with my mission with the young people.[footnoteRef:7] I could tell that they were lacking in experience and their perspectives were very one-sided, which is why I wanted to introduce them to a different perspective that could paint a better picture for them of the reality of the battle that they are facing out there. [6: Clinebell, Howard. Basic Types of Pastoral Care and Counselling (Nashville: Abingdom Press, 2011), p 66.] [7: Shoefoot interview. https://www.mpaviation.org/garys-interview-with-chief-shoefoot/]

I also realized that this is not an issue that will be addressed after one meeting. It is really about cultivating a Christian way of life, in which a commitment to developing virtues that dispose one to the Holy Spirit can be achieved. That is why I must bring the fathers into this and try to encourage them to practice and promote virtue in their homes, for the sake of the young. At the same time, I want to give the young something to do with their time so that they are not exposed to more temptation. I must think of an activity that will promote humility or generosity that I can get them to take part in and that will facilitate the development of good habits in them. One thing I think that might help is to start a book club, and I could select a book or play that I think will help them. I am considering something such as Flannery O’Connor’s Wise Blood, which is really a good book about a young man who wants to be part of the world yet in the end realizes that God’s law is what matters most. If I can get everyone reading this, with the fathers’ permission, I think it will help to generate some great discussion and some thoughtfulness in the young.
For me the most important lesson is to keep in mind John 1:14, for this is the very center of our human history, the point that matters most: “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth” (John1:14). If we are not mindful of this epic moment in time and how it has changed the course of history, then we are not living in a state that is God-centered. This is the central point of the Gospels, and John historically relates it to the creation of the world, and notes that the Word was always there, but that the Word took human flesh to atone for our misdeeds. This is also the central point of O’Connor’s Wise Blood, which is why I think it could be very helpful reading for these youths and their fathers.
Cultural Context:
The cultural context in which I was operating was fairly standard. These were all youths from the parish and thus from middle class Catholic families. The main difference was that some of the youths were home-schooled and some went to a private Catholic school, and some went to public school. Thus, they were all getting exposed to a different type of education in their day to day lives, and this affects them all differently. I know it is going to be hard to counter a worldly education that many of them are receiving because the world teaches a doctrine that is often contrary to the doctrine of the Church, particularly when it comes to purity. I need to do more to create a culture in which there is a love for purity. Perhaps if I discuss some of the saints, such as St. Augustine or St. Boniface of Tarsus, both of who overcame sins of impurity to become great saints, I may be able to connect them to the realities of our great Christian culture all at once. At the same time, I must be sensitive to the fact that each youth is going to be different and is coming from a different place. The individuals are all being exposed to different cultures and that will mean I must take time with each one individually. I would like to be able to have one-on-one time with them all, even if only for a few minutes, to discuss some of the things that they themselves feel to be important. All youths have questions and concerns and I can use that time to address them at an individual manner without others watching and perhaps giving pressure. What I would like to do is have it set up where I can meet with them before Benediction or before Mass and go over whatever things they would like to talk about, and set aside time for each one in this manner and then follow it up with prayer.
Theological:
A theology of culture might be a good place to start to help bring some of these ideas together. John 1:29-34 conveys the first days of Jesus’ public life as Man, when he was being asked by the Jews and Levites, “Who are you?”[footnoteRef:8] I would like to turn this around to ask the youths and their fathers the same question: “Who are you?” That is to say, I would like to know what they believe defines them. If they are going to be Christians then I want them to realize that they are asked to be separate from the world, as stated in Corinthians 6:17: “Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.” If they cannot say that they are separate from the world, then I want to challenge them to explain how they think they are going to be welcomed in by God. This is not a question I ask but rather one that the New Testament asks. But if the parish is not thinking along these lines, and if the fathers of the parish in particular are not thinking along these lines, then it is going to be difficult to expect that the youths will do any better. [8: Francis Moloney, The Gospel of John. Collegeville, Minnesota: Liturgical Press, 48.]

Corinthians 6:18 likewise states that if we go to the Father and leave the unclean world behind, He will be a Father to us and we do not need to fear being alone. Getting over the hump of the attachment to the things of the worldly modern culture is the major obstacle.