Childhood lying and impulse control in preschool development

Psychology - Developmental

Scenario #1

The single mother comes home after a long day of work. The little girl, (Sara) is approximately 4-5 years old. Her mother realizes that someone there are small pieces of M&M's sprinkled around this kitchen floor, and assumes that her child has been eating the candy instead of waiting until after dinner. The mother asks Sara if she has been eating candy, and Sara looks down at the floor and adamantly denies that she has had any candy. She states that she has spent the afternoon watching television and painting pictures with grandma. Mom and child have been working on learning the difference between telling the truth and telling a lie and the mother is certain that the little girl has indeed been eating the candy. Telling lies is typically of children in this age group. Children may lie for several reasons, including trying to get something they want but typically they lie to avoid getting into trouble (Parents, 2003). Mom can tell that Sara is trying to avoid getting into trouble.

Developmentally the little girl has not developed impulse control yet and probably couldn't stop herself from eating the candy. She did not eat the candy out of malicious intent. Sara most likely did not have the forethought to see ahead in the future and assess what the consequences would be if she ate the candy before dinner. Her motor skills are not yet developed enough either to prevent her from spilling some of the candy on the floor unintentionally, and her observational skills not yet as acute to make her realize that spilling candy on the floor might reveal her transgressions to her mother.

The mother stays calm in the hopes that this will make it easier for Sara to tell the truth. The mother states, "Gee, I wonder where that bag of m & m's is, I was hoping to make some cookies after dinner tonight!" Sara claps her hands together and runs into the pantry, grabbing the open bag of candy from the bottom shelf. "Here it is!" she exclaims jubilantly, excited at the prospect of having cookies after dinner, and not realizing that her mother has attempted to point out that the little girl must have opened the bag of candy.

How interesting, I thought this bag of M&M's was closed when I brought it home from the store, but perhaps we have some mice running around the house!" The mom smiles at her daughter, who looks up at her in horror. "No way mom! We don't have any mice; I opened the bag myself earlier today!" The mom smiles at her child's admission that she got into the bag of candy. Sara looks at her mom apologetically and wrings her hands, and decides to take a seat in the chair at the table. The mom realizes that it is important to teach her daughter how to undo her mistakes and not overreact.

A understand you might have been scared to tell me the truth about eating candy before dinner. I remember when I was a kid my mom made a huge batch of brownies for a party we were having. They smelled so good and I watched her making them all day. I couldn't wait to try one. My mom placed them all in a pretty dish and then left them sitting on the counter. I was so excited to have a brownie at the party, but my tummy kept rumbling and rumbling. When my mom went to put the trash out, I grabbed one of the brownies and ate it in the bathroom. Later that night uncle Jim came over and he didn't get a brownie, because there weren't enough to go around. I realized that if I hadn't eaten that one brownie earlier, and one at the party there would have been enough brownies for everyone. I felt very sad and cried to my mom when I told her what happened."

Sara looked up at her mom wide eyed and lip quivering. "I'm sorry mom, I just wanted so bad to have candy. Maybe we shouldn't have cookies tonight because I had some sweets already today. Can I help you make dinner instead?"

Mom smiles and realizes her daughter has learned that she does not have to be afraid of telling her mother the truth, and that sometimes it is hard to control our urges but important to try to do our best. Sara also comes away knowing her mom understands her and sympathizes with her needs.

Scenario #3

Sara is getting together with her dad this Saturday to go to the park. At the park Sara smiles at her dad and plays in the sandbox with several other children. Her dad knows that she has been taught to share and typically interacts well with other children. Sara keeps glancing over at her dad, as if she is afraid he will wander away and get lost if she doesn't keep an eye on him. She is establishing a pattern of fear because she knows that sometimes daddy goes away for long periods of time.

While playing in the sandbox, Sara begins to build a castle. Several other children sitting around her are also building sand castles, but they are working together in groups. Sara occasionally glances over at the other children and watches them laugh and play. She mumbles something to herself silently however and continues to work on her castle alone. Her dad glances over at her, a frown forming in his brow. He is concerned that his daughter is becoming anti-social, and wonders why she doesn't want to socialize with the other children in the play ground. Most children at Sara's age begin shifting from parallel or solitary play of their toddler years to more interactive activity (Parenting, 2003). One of the other children comes over to Sara and asks her if he can help her with her sandcastle. She frowns for a minute and shakes her head no. She continues to work solitarily at her castle yet constantly looks up at the other children together.

Her dad notices a friend at the park who has brought his six-year-old to play. He asks if he didn't mind if he took the little boy over to Sara and introduced them. The man agrees.

Hey Sara, this is Bruce, I thought it would be nice if the two of you met. Bruce is very fun and creative. He used to live by the beach and knows a lot about building castles!"

Sara smiles up at her dad excitedly. "Hi Bruce. I am building a sand castle but I have never lived by a beach. What do you think of my castle?"

Bruce smiles and carefully examines the surroundings. "Cool but let's make it bigger!" Bruce takes a seat next to Sara and the two of them start building the castle together. Dad observes that Sara willingly allows Bruce to change some things about the castle. The two of them smile and laugh as the time passes. Later that day, dad talks to Sara. "Wasn't it fun playing with Bruce today in the park? Sometimes other people have great ideas and can help make our own projects even more interesting!" Sara smiles and quickly grabs her dad's hand, showing her admiration and trust for her father. "I like playing with other people, maybe next time I see you we can invite other people over to the house to play!"