Resolving Conflict by Taking a Break

Family Therapy Response

I would have to applaud you for your use of active listening, open-ended questions, and taking a break when conflict seemed on the verge of escalating into something unmanageable. In the end, the two of you agreed on a compromise. I am not sure what I would have done in your situation, but my go-to response would probably be authoritarian, saying something like, “Guess what, I don’t care what you think, you’re going to school”—however, because I’m also understanding I probably would have actually sided with him and said something like, “You know what? You’re probably right—take the week off, you deserve it.” But—of course, I have no idea what I would have really done in your situation. I think you handled it pretty well, all things considered.

I suppose that my big concern when it comes to family situations like this is that I don’t want to encourage anything negative or harmful. Like if I thought that allowing a week off would encourage laziness and sloth, I would feel like I was being a neglectful parent. If I thought that forcing him to go another week was pointless, I feel like I would be obliging him to waste his time. I would like to have something constructive for my kids to do at all times, so that they are making the most of all situations, of their time and energy, and opportunities, and so on—but just being able to do all that requires one to really be on the ball. I’m not sure if could manage that.