Rules of politeness in social interaction

Breaching Experiment

One of Garfinkel's observations is that social norms and rules are so commonly accepted and integrated as part of natural human interaction that they are only noticed consciously when they are violated. In order to observe the extent to which this is true, this experiment will focus on saying "please" and "thank you." These expressions of desire and gratitude are so commonly ingrained in human consciousness that they are used thousands of times in daily interactions. As human beings, we say "please" and "thank you" to adhere to commonly-held rules of politeness. It is one of the first things children learn when they begin to acquire speech. I believe it will be interesting to observe how people react when they do not receive the required phrases of request or thanks when asked to assist.

Description

Specifically, the experiment will be conducted in a shopping mall and a restaurant. The idea is to request assistance without saying please and not to say thank you when the assistance has been provided. During the experiment, one of my experiences was that it was surprisingly difficult not to follow a request with "please" and assistance with "thank you." My interpretation of this difficulty is that I have myself been so conditioned to adhere to this social norm that it has become a habit I do not even have to think about. I, like most others in society, have been taught the rules politeness from a very young age, and this habit is therefore extremely difficult to break. I had to consciously remember not to make polite utterances while interacting with shopkeepers and waiters.

Population

The population for the experiment included personnel working in stores and restaurants. Mostly, these were shopping assistants and waiters. On each occasion, I did my shopping and dining with a friend. To maintain the variety of the population, a different friend accompanied me on each occasion. The friends were not given any information about the experiment, and therefore formed part of the experiment population.

Results

There were three common reactions among the shopping and restaurant professionals to my breach. Most commonly, I received somewhat hostile stares. When I did not say please when asking a clothing shop assistant for help, for example, she stared at me in confusion for a second or two, after which both her look and attitude became somewhat hostile, although in a reserved way. I also saw her exchanging whispers with one of her colleagues as my friend and I left the store. In the restaurant I visited on the same day, the waiter who served us was not openly hostile, but he was far more distant than the servers at that establishment usually are.

The second-most common reaction I received from servers and assistants was simply being ignored. I observed no change in the behavior besides a small pause in one of the shopping assistants who helped me on my second day. After I asked for assistance without adding "please," the assistant seemed to pause for a brief time before continuing to smile and assist me in a friendly way. In one restaurant, I observed absolutely no change in behavior or pause in the server. He simply continued to serve us without any observable change.

The reaction I received least was open hostility in the form of verbal questioning or scolding, and a refusal to assist me. This occurred only in one of the shops I frequented. When I failed to say "please" after a request for assistance, she stared at me for a long while. When waiting brought no results, she asked me why I was so rude. I simply repeated my request for assistance, upon which she refused and told me that she would not assist a rude person like myself.

My friends' reactions were also somewhat varied. They all displayed some confusion at my observed rudeness. Two of my three friends simply kept quiet, but were visibly somewhat disturbed by my behavior, since I was usually quite the polite person. They displayed their disturbance by avoiding eye contact with me and clearing their throats every time I violated the politeness norm. When I was at a restaurant with my third friend, she finally could no longer handle my rudeness and asked me if I could stop it. She did so in a very calm and polite way. None of my friends displayed any hostility towards me.

Interpretation

It was very interesting to observe the diverse reactions among people who did not know me and those who did. Shop assistants and restaurant servers simply assumed that I was a rude person. My friends knew me better than this and were therefore both confused and dismayed at my lack of adherence to the social politeness norm.