Sacred marriage: history, theology, and cultural significance

Sacred Marriage

One of the core concepts of Gary L. Thomas' (2000) Sacred Marriage is that the union between a man and a woman is not merely for self-actualization on earth, but is designed for a higher spiritual purpose. Marriage teaches individuals about the need for God, the need to truly open up their hearts to love, to honor others, to respect others, and to pray. Marriage is a vehicle to explore God, not to measure the spouse in terms of how they come up "short" in terms of false, romantic ideology (Thomas 31). All human beings are imperfect in the eyes of God, and marriage is an institution of learning and teaching, not personal pleasure and fulfillment.

A devout Christian, Thomas acknowledges early Church father's ambivalence about the marital state. But Thomas believes that marriage is not simply a way of avoiding greater sexual sin, but analogous to God's love for humanity, and the Church and God (Thomas 33). Divorce is anathema to this spirit of reconciliation and divorce means that at least one partner in the marriage has ceased to put the Gospel first in his or her life. It is impossible to teach children about fidelity if one does not practice this concept of putting the Gospel first -- which means avoiding divorce, for Thomas. Marriages are platforms for evangelism for Thomas, for they embody the spirit of togetherness and sacrifice in a 'me first' culture. However, even divorce may be acceptable in cases of irreconcilable differences and infidelity -- still, divorce is seldom a solution to what is really ailing a marriage. God provides the energy to sustain a marriage, but both partners must be willing to receive it (Thomas 115).

Although Thomas argues his points from a largely conservative and evangelical perspective, he does take a very positive and healthy view of sexuality within the context of marriage, urging men and women to approach one another without guilt or shame. In fact, he says that if it is selfishly pursued, celibacy can be an unproductive path to holiness (Thomas 92). Selfless concern for another human being must be reinforced physically, emotionally, and spiritually in marriage. Thomas urges people who have had bad sexual relationships in the past to seek counseling, just as he does people who have had bad relationships in general (Thomas 208).

Thomas admits that his philosophy will be problematic for a couple seeking a personalized approach to romantic love. Also, many couples might point out that it is seldom one person's fault -- that divorce may not be about moral blame or different values, but about clashing personality habits. How can living in a state of petty anger be facilitating to spiritual growth? Thomas admits that constant arguing can lead to a "poisonous heart," but stresses that in our society, which regards relationships as disposable, much can come of committing to something and really trying to make a relationship 'work.'