Sex, power, and intimacy in human relationships

Sex, Power, Intimacy

How does Beyonce's "If I were a Boy," music video illustrate the key concept -- "social origins of desire"?

In Beyonce's song entitled "If I were a Boy," the singer says that if she were male, she could "throw on what I wanted then go," drink beer (and presumably not care about her figure), and also turn off her cellphone (and presumably not care if her boyfriend called). Implied in her song's message is that because she is a 'girl' she has to carefully monitor her appearance and prioritize her success in relationships over her real, true feelings, interests, and desires. Her desire for her 'boy' is not about the special nature of the man she lusts after, but because as a woman it is assumed that without a man she is less worthy of social value, and is somehow incomplete.

Also implied in Beyonce's song is that despite the fact that she is not supposed to want to wear casual clothes and no makeup, eat and drink what she chooses, and to chase after boys and not care or be judged by other people -- she does want all of these things. However, the social constraints of the female role prohibit her from being carefree. She cannot fulfill heterosexual norms of attractiveness and expect positive male attention if she does not model her desire in a certain way. That is the reason she longs for male attention -- without it she has no identity, given that attracting such attention is defined as what makes a woman in our society.

Part Two: The link "Orgasm" explores a recent finding re: differences between men and women regarding orgasm. What is that finding?

Male desire is often constructed as rapacious and unassailable. Female desire is supposed to be based more in feelings and emotional needs. The lack of expectation for a female to experience intense pleasure when enjoying sexual intercourse may be one reason that so few women are able to achieve orgasm, according to recent findings. Female sexuality is modeled as passive, male sexual activity is seen as active -- despite the fact that men are more often the passive receptors of oral sex. Ironically, many women require oral sex to reach orgasm, even though they are less likely to receive it.

Part Three: In "Romance: Sweet Love," bell hooks writes about the problems of "romantic love," and "being out of control." What does she think is wrong with it? What is the alternative? What do you think of her argument?

According to bell hooks, romantic love within Western culture is idealized as a feeling, rather than actions. Instead of caring that is shown in a material fashion, it is depicted as something utterly inscrutable and indefinable. This idealization paradoxically produces cynicism, as more and more young people are convinced that love cannot be found, because finding the perfect partner is impossible. The craving for love is as deep as childhood, given the vital necessity of love for children to flourish. Yet love has become so objectified and commodified, that when someone speaks of a yearning for love, it is assumed that he or she simply needs a partner of the opposite gender, and is not engaged in a philosophical inquiry or deep-rooted search for meaning. Having a partner is not the same as love, stresses hooks. Look how many partners hurt rather than nurture their lovers -- is this an act of true love?