Single parents: challenges, support systems, and outcomes

¶ … Parenting

The single parent is a commonality in the United States that has grown to encompass approximately fifty percent of all children - that at some point in their development from birth to eighteen, half of all children will live with only one of their biological parents. This demographic includes nearly twenty-million children and makes it the most common form of the non-nuclear family. There are a multitude of contributing factors to the growth of this demographic: teen pregnancies nearly always result in single-parent homes, divorces create this situation immediately, and a significant number of people are choosing to have children outside of the traditional structures of marriage. Single-parenting can no longer be considered an anomaly given that it shares equal numbers and frequency with the "traditional" parenting situation in which a child lives with both biological parents. The divorce rate alone of being nearly fifty-percent guarantees that this number will likely remain the same. So, given that single-parents have the same numbers as married parents, that the children of single-parent homes are part of society in equal numbers as those who grew up with both parents in the home, it makes sense that the issues of single parenting be given the same weight and importance within our social structure as does parenting within the traditional structures. Exploring the unique set of issues that the single parent faces, then, makes real sense and unlike the social clime from several decades ago when this was not the case, a practical discussion of single parenting is both useful and helpful.

Americans are often considered to have a relatively 'light' adherence to traditional social norms when it comes to parenting and family connectivity. "In America families are valued tremendously -- so much so that most people will have at least two of them. Americans are religious, but have one of the highest divorce rates in the world. They are ambivalent about abortions but have a lot of them. Government has worked hard to make public policy as contradictory as private choices," ("Home Sweet Home," 27). During the 1990's the debates over what defines family, how should families get and receive support services if needed, focused on trying to determine responsibility. Who is responsible for the upbringing, healthcare, education, etc. Of all of the children of the nation? How do we provides support for children who do not have a parent in the home for at least eight hours a day? "Americans have still not come to terms with the gap between the way we think our families ought to be and the complex, often messy realities of our lives," (Skolnick, 87). Given that there are so many children affected by this social reality, it is time that the nation actually focus upon providing services that are specific to the needs of single-parent households.

Who are the single-parents? Where do they live? The vast majority of single parents are women, are of African-American or Latin American racial / cultural origin, are below the national average for household income, are below the age of thirty when they first became a single parent, and therefore a significant number of the children of single parents are living in conditions that would be potentially much better were there to be two wage earners in the home. Approximately two-thirds of the children of African-American and Latin American families live with a single mother below the poverty level. So, given this rather staggering number, one must ask as to what the motivation is for our nation to pay so little attention to the support needs for single parents? Perhaps it is because "some people do not want to hear about this problem because it will require them to change their lives, to adopt habits of responsibility (including sexual responsibility), and to commit to life as a parent, which is something that our current social order does not require of men in particular, (Carlin, 35).

Even though half of all families with children are single-parent homes, that does not mean that the effect on the child is lessened with volume. "Since many of the ideas now so rapidly and totally admitted to full normality are tied to behaviors, we must live with the behavioral consequences [of single parent homes]. There are now millions of children being brought up without fathers partly because society had no adequate prejudicial defenses against the one-parent family," (Anderson, 50). The assumption then, is that since there are specific problems that occur for children and families of single-parents that are unavoidable realities, problems that would be mitigated or eliminated by there being a father in the home, then by making it harder to become a single parent through social and economic pressure to alleviate the problems caused by fathers who are absent in the lives of their children.

But, what are those needs? What are the challenges being faced by these parents and children? Marital conflict and divorce are so prevalent within our society that family physicians, teachers, and virtually any other person of authority in peoples lives are being asked for help with the management of a family in which the parent never really gets a break or respite from their responsibilities. The stress and strife that is so often associated with divorce (in particular) can cause significant behavioral and emotional adjustments for children that result in a greater need for social services, for structured post-school activities, and assistance with coping with the changes they are experiencing or have experienced. Children who have been part of a divorce have been observed to demonstrate corollary behavior; aggression, anger, distrust, overt hostility, and a greater likelihood of being a single parent themselves in their future (Anderson, 51). Also associated with divorce are depression, frequent illness, abdominal pain, difficulties in school and in interpersonal relationships, eating and sleeping problems; "single parents are frequently invisible because of the ways they dealt with parenting without their spouse. Without detailed longitudinal data, it is impossible not to lose sight of all men and women who - in the absence of a spouse - attempted to raise children but subsequently failed and had to give them up for adoption, surrender them to relatives or orphanages, or abandon them altogether (Bradbury, 211). The children of divorce or parental abandonment exhibit a greater frequency of conduct problems, a higher frequency and intensity of psychological problems, lower academic achievement, more social problems than children growing up in a two-parent household, (Bradbury, 213).

Single parents often work. Those jobs are not always 7am to 4pm Monday through Friday. Often single parents have night -shifts, swing shifts, work weekends, and the like. This means that there is a significant need for daycare for children, for after school activities, and the potential for a great deal of mischief.

Economically, this puts an even greater strain on the single parent because they not only have to pay for room and board for their children but have the added financial responsibility to pay for childcare, transportation to and from childcare and school, and the increasing pressure / stress to be felt about the amount of time they are spending at work and not with the kids. Nutrition, sleep, play, familial connection, security and support are all critical elements of a child's life that often are negatively affected by being within a single parent environment.

Teen pregnancy is the leading cause of single-parenthood. Without teens having children, the single-parent population would shrink enormously. Teens are not adults. They do not have careers that can support a family, they do not typically get married so they automatically start out in life in poverty as single parents without the opportunity to truly grow up at a normal rate - therefore they are children having children. "It is true that single-parent households do less well than two-parent households in raising children. The children of these families are less likely to do well in school and are more likely to deviate from social norms," (Dornbusch, 33). Every year nearly one-million teens become pregnant and nearly half of those pregnancies result in a birth, which then results in single-parenthood. The risk factors for teen pregnancy include early sexual activity, poverty, poor academic performance, low or no educational goals, unemployment, and living in a single parent home already. "What we need is a "parents' contract" that would link child care and work firmly together. All parents (including married ones) should be invited to sign on for training or work when their children reach nursery school age at three (Phillips, 24)."

Now all of this is not to say that it is inherently bad for people to either be single parents or to be the children of single parents. There is no guarantee that the child will experience any negative consequences associated with a single mother. but, given the prevalence of these problems in children any way, and given the sheer number of children who are living in conditions that are potentially negative having comprehensive support structures in place to assist single parents take care of their children. What are these advantages? Simply put, everything that the single-parent household does not have. Again, this is not to indicate that automatically a single parent home is worse than a two-parent home. But when the parents are involved in their children's lives, are non-abusive, and are relatively happy with each other, then virtually all of the negative effects of growing up in and being part of a single-parent home go away.