Soul Mate Victoria Beckham Recently

Soul Mate

Victoria Beckham recently commented about her husband, superstar soccer player David Beckham, "I believe in love at first sight. I met my soul mate with David," ("Victoria Beckham: David is My Soulmate"). Beckham isn't the only celebrity to use the term "soul mate" to refer to a romantic partner. Recently, Jim Carrey's wife referred to her comedian-actor husband as a "soulmate," (cited by Wightman 2010). The term soul mate is a difficult one to define, especially given that there are no accepted academic or scholarly explanations of what a soul mate is -- or even whether or not soul mates exist. Many would argue that the concept of soul mate is a dangerous one because it suggests that human beings are born incomplete and must find a mate to make them whole. In fact, the term soul mate is often defined exactly as that: "When this person comes into your life, you become complete and your love relationship becomes perfect," (Quansah 2004, v). Other definitions are less hyperbolic, and more realistically describe what many people experience when they experience a deep, meaningful bond with another human being. Webster (2001) defines soul mates as "a strong bond between two people that has existed through many incarnations," (p. 3). This expansive definition shows how soul mates can be family members and friends as well as loved ones. Soul mates exist with every bit as much certainty as love itself.

Within the New Age spiritual community the term soul mate is an important one, one that is linked to the theory of reincarnation. Reincarnation is an ancient spiritual concept espoused by world religions like Hinduism and Buddhism. The concept is an old one, and so is the theory of soul mate. According to Webster (2001), reincarnation is "the doctrine that says that we evolve spiritually by living as many lifetimes as is necessary to achieve perfection," (p. 3). Quansah (2004) concurs that soul mates enable the achievement of perfection. Thus, the belief in soul mate is far from being dangerous. To aspire towards perfection is a lofty desire for all human beings.

The term soul mate is a relatively new one, although the concept is not. In the Symposium, Plato writes in depth about Love. Through the character of Aristophanes, Plato writes about the power of Love: "Mankind; he said, judging by their neglect of him, have never, as I think, at all understood the power of Love." One of the reasons why the concept of soul mates is dismissed by academia is that Love itself is too elusive to be discussed in a scientific manner. Love is described as "the helper and the healer of the ills which are the great impediment to the happiness of the race," (Plato 360). Aristophanes goes on to describe an anecdote about how human beings once comprised three genders. These proto-human beings became too powerful and eventually they revolted against the gods. To retaliate, Zeus cut each person in half:

"After the division the two parts of man, each desiring his other half, came together, and throwing their arms about one another, entwined in mutual embraces, longing to grow into one, they were on the point of dying from hunger and self-neglect, because they did not like to do anything apart; and when one of the halves died and the other survived, the survivor sought another mate, man or woman as we call them, being the sections of entire men or women, and clung to that," (Plato 360).

It is directly from Plato's anecdote that the modern concept of soul mate has evolved. Plato's definition also refers to the sense of incompleteness many if not most human beings have until they meet the partner of their dreams. When a person goes through a string of unsuccessful relationships and continues searching for someone to share their life with, that person is looking for a soul mate. When Jim Carrey says, "Jenny is the first person I've been with where I don't have a giant question mark above my head," he is describing the feeling all human beings have when they finally meet their soul mates," (cited by Wightman 2010). Unfortunately many people go through their entire lives without meeting their soul mate. Finding a soul mate can be so difficult that scores of books offer help to anyone dedicated enough to locating the man or woman of their dreams.

The soul mate book industry is lucrative enough to prove some merits to the argument that soul mates may indeed exist, even if science does not yet agree. Books with titles like How To Identify Your Soulmate become best sellers. The general population believes in the concept of soul mate, based on the popularity of soul mate books, Web sites, and other resources. Psychological counselors address relationship issues often within the context of helping their clients receive greater fulfillment through a relationship. Counselors can and should incorporate the theory of soul mates into their work.

Incorporating the idea of soul mates into counseling work will not just help individuals to enjoy more fulfilling romantic relationships. Such relationship counseling will also help individuals find greater self-fulfillment. The process of finding a soul mate, or reconnecting with a soul mate, is itself a journey of self-discovery. As a person uncovers the layers of who they are as an individual, it becomes more possible and more likely that the person becomes open to situations and people. For example, a single woman who is deeply unhappy may receive counseling and she discovers that she has always wanted to study pottery. She then takes a pottery class and meets a man who she later marries and lives happily ever after. Whether or not the counselor describes her husband as a "soul mate" is irrelevant. The client did find a life partner and did achieve lasting happiness and fulfillment. Therefore, the concept of soul mate can be called finding an appropriate partner or anything that suits the scientific community. Whenever relationship counselors help their clients they are always guiding them towards their soul mates, whether they admit so or not.

One popular way of looking at the concept of soul mate is to accept the fact that there may be more than one soul mate per person. Webster (2001) notes that soul mates form in groups and people may indeed have more than one soul mate. Soul mates are not always romantic partners, either. A best friend or a sibling can just as readily be a soul mate as a romantic interest. The concept of soul mate should be broad enough to allow for non-romantic soul mates. This is because the connection between two human beings who love each other does not necessarily need to be sexual. Moreover, two soul mates might not actually be good life partners. "A soul mate relationship can end in divorce or death," (Webster 2001 p. 75). Soul mates share a karmic bond, which is what draws them together lifetime after lifetime. Webster (2001) recounts a Nigerian belief that "people can arrange to be reborn together in their next lives to enable them to do things together," (Webster 2001, p. 74).

From the scientific point-of-view, soul mates simply do not exist. Science disavows the existence of the soul itself because there is no proof that human beings possess a soul. Similarly, science denies reincarnation because of the lack of hard evidence. A scientist would claim that a soul mate is simply a friend or loved one with whom a strong connection is felt. That connection is based on common interests or mutual attraction. This argument falls apart especially given the fact that many soul mates have nothing concrete in common, but they are inextricably drawn together. Also, the scientific point-of-view does not account for why two people might share an uncanny ability to read each others' minds, or why mothers feel so strongly connected to their children.