Divorce on Children the Effects

¶ … Divorce on Children

The Effects of Divorce on Children

There is much controversy regarding divorce and the impact that it has on children, given that while some consider that it does not affect them negatively, others believe that it has a particularly harmful impact on their upbringing and on their later lives. Divorce traumatizes children and is very likely to be responsible for a great deal of negative outcomes experienced by children. However, while children are recognized as being victims of divorce procedures, most of them gradually recover from this trauma and develop into individuals that are perfectly able to integrate society from a psychological, social, and academic perspective. The masses are probable to consider that this makes it difficult for them to be against divorce simply because it affects a limited number of children, but the truth is that conditions are critical when considering these respective children and the way that they evolve.

The history and significance of Divorce

Research regarding the effects of divorce on children has traditionally focused on the first two years of the child's life consequent to the divorce. This prevented researchers from understanding matters from a more general point-of-view, given that the first years after a divorce are likely to put across great distress, both for the child and for his or her parents. In order for people to be able to get a better understanding of the effects of divorce on children, they need to study individuals for a prolonged period of time and to compare them with children who live normal lives in families that were not separated. This can be done through analyzing people in the contemporary society who went through a divorce in their early lives several decades ago, as such a study is likely to generate important results concerning the actual long-term effects that divorce has on children.

The number of divorces today by far exceeds the number of divorces in the nineteenth century. This is possible because of several factors such as the fact that women are no longer financially dependent on men and the fact that individuals started to get married with the intention to experience personal fulfillment while being part of a couple. Divorce has come to be one of the principal elements damaging society, considering the effects that it had on adults and on children. This is especially worrying because "adults and children from divorced families, as a group, score lower than their counterparts in married-couple families on a variety of indicators of well-being" (Amato).

It is difficult to determine whether divorce is beneficial in someone's life because it is possible for the respective person to experience distress as a consequence of conflicts or abuse happening within the family during the time when his or her parents are together. To a certain degree, children are most certainly better off in such circumstances, as it would be absurd for them to have to be subjected to significant amounts of distress simply because someone thinks that parents need to stay together. Irreconcilable divergences are in most situations the principal reason for which parents decide to separate and it is difficult for individuals to intervene or to fully understand the problems existing in a couple. Such factors make it possible for parents to feel that their actions are perfectly justifiable and that they are doing what is best for themselves and their children. Even with that, given that children are rarely the cause of divorce, they are typically victims of this procedure, as they are, in most cases, unable to intervene or to express their opinion in regard to their parents' way of thinking.

Divorce goes beyond culture, personal convictions, or religious philosophies, as it is an important sector of present-day society regardless of the values associated with the concept. The fact that the masses accept and encourage divorce reflects in the following issues:

Two out of every five children will go through the divorce of their parents at a certain moments in their lives.

Approximately 25% of all children are expected to spend a period of time in a foster family

A typical couple's marriage lasts for somewhere around 7.2, after which it is likely to begin divorce procedures

Divorce rates were much higher in the 1970s, with married couples gradually expressing less interest in getting divorced

There are over one million divorces in the U.S. every year and there are more than one million children under the age of 18 who experience their parents' divorce

(Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children)

III. Vulnerable children

People are generally inclined to think of divorce as being an unimportant process during which two people simple part ways and continue to live their lives without experiencing major difficulties. However, it is much more complex and it encompasses a wide range of events deteriorating people's feelings toward each-other. Couples eventually come to accept that there is no reasonable method to resolve their differences and turn to divorce as the only chance for them to feel less stress. Children can be more or less affected by a divorce depending on several important factors determining their level of understanding of the operation.

Elements such as age and gender are particularly influential when concerning a divorce's effect on a child. Even with that, when conditions related to a divorce are more critical than an individual's ability to cope with difficult situations, some of the most powerful children are likely to yield and to be unable to control their feelings. Many parents unwillingly subject their children to an increased amount of pressure during a divorce, making it especially difficult for them to think of their family as they perceived it before their parents decided to separate.

Gender is a determinant factor in the way that children cope with their parents being separated. Given that children normally come to live with their mothers because authorities believe that it is best for them to be provided with custody, boys find it difficult to live without their fathers. Boys are no longer able to identify with a same-gender role-model and thus find it increasingly problematic to develop healthily. Fathers who are awarded custody over school-age boys are better prepared with problems that these children deal with at this age and can successfully teach them to refrain from using aggressiveness. These children are also probable to experience less emotional problems than boys who live with their mothers. Similarly, girls who are raised by their mothers are taught in regard to values like responsibility and adulthood. These girls are likely to feel more mature than girls who live with their fathers. All things considered, even though gender is important when considering children living with single parents, the parent-child relationship is also extremely significant in determining the way that a child develops (The Effects of Divorce on Children).

Young children are unable to fully comprehend the chain of events leading to their parents' divorce and tend to feel severely affected by the fact that they no longer have both parents living with them. The fact that they are confused makes it less likely for the divorce to have negative long-term effects on these individuals. "However, problems may occur if a close relationship or bond between a parent and child is broken. Parents should agree on parenting and childcare arrangements so the child does not grow up experiencing conflict between his or her parents" (The Effects of Divorce on Children).

In contrast to younger children, preadolescent and adolescent children are subjected to greater pressure. They understand the divorce, but they are unwilling to agree to the perspective of their parents. While they might seem understanding in regard to their parents' decision to get divorced, they are actually hiding their feelings (Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children). A preadolescent or a teenager can come to believe that the parent who is leaving is abandoning him and that he or she is not employing enough determination in resolving the conflict that he or she has with his or her peer. The child might feel that it is essential for him or her to take control of the family and puts across extreme behavior in his or her attempt to do so.

A child can become vulnerable to performing high-risk activities or can try to be the perfect individual because he or she thinks that this behavior can bring the family back together. An older child believes that he or she is never going to have the ability to maintain a long-term relationship. In addition to this, he or she is likely to mature more rapidly because he or she thinks that he or she is the only one who can still do something to improve his or her lifestyle (DeBord).

Children are normally unable to learn the importance of money and they suffer greatly consequent to a divorce because a single parent is no longer able to afford some of the things that the family was previously accustomed to buying. This makes children feel that the parent who holds custody is unwilling to satisfy their needs. In reality, such a parent would have difficulty raising a child on his or her own and the finances that he or she previously invested in providing the child with entertaining activities need to be directed at buying more important resources for the child.

A parent who is no longer in charge of his or her child's life has practically no problems buying a great deal of things for his or her child and thus influences the child in feeling that he or she is not receiving enough attention from the parent holding custody. Children can also be affected by the fact that parents often believe that there is a competition between themselves and their peers concerning who receives the most appreciation from the child.

IV. Children's development

Whereas people are well-aware that divorce can be harmful for a large number of children who see their parents getting separated, the masses generally tend to ignore the effects of divorce on children as a whole. "Children of divorce are more depressed and aggressive toward parents and teachers than are youngsters from intact families. They are much more likely to develop mental and emotional disorders later in life" (Leo). Generations can practically be disrupted as a result of the effects that divorce has on children, considering that these individuals gradually come to lose their ability to express feelings with regard to their parents. Parents who get divorced are likely to receive little to no assistance from their children when they grow older (Leo).

The American society apparently experiences fewer difficulties in the present because the number of divorces has lowered. Even with that, one cannot consider that matters are no longer critical when it comes to the effects that divorce has on children. Some emotional problems do not emerge for a long period of time and only reflect on children as they become adults. As they experience problems in their relationships, children acknowledge that they are predisposed to getting separated from the persons that they love.

Individuals apparently experience a larger amount of stress at the moment when they become adults. These people initially appear to cope with the difficulties arising as a result of a divorce and experience practically no problems until the moment when they become adults. According to Ulla Palosaari and Hillevi Aro, "girls who initially adapted well, developed feelings of anxiety during adolescence in relationships with men."(Palosaari, and Aro). By looking at romantic relationships, the way that they work, and the way that they develop into parents, one is likely to understand more about the effects that divorce can have on individuals later in their lives. Antisocial behavior can be observed in many individuals who went through a divorce early in their lives and they mainly come to act inconsiderately because they feel that society betrayed them.