Technology's positive and negative influences on modern dating

¶ … Technology With Regards to Dating

Academic Institution

Dating is an activity typically used by people to choose potential romantic partners and to initiate the process of finding a mate (Strong & Cohen, 2013). The process of dating has undergone many changes through the course of history; however, technological innovations have dramatically altered the process. This paper will discuss how technology has influenced the dating process in both positive and negative ways. First the concept of dating is defined and explored followed by a discussion of how the dating process has been altered by technological changes.

How Technology has Influenced Dating

The first and possibly the biggest influence of technology on the dating process is that it is much easier to find someone new now than it has ever been before (Slater, 2013). Social media, Internet dating sites, services such as Skype, the wide availability of smart phones, etc. have made it possible or individuals to communicate with people who prior to these technological advances they would have never had an opportunity to meet. The widespread use of social media has a defined the term friend from meaning a close, personal "in the flesh" relationship to a relationship where two people may have never actually met physically, but nonetheless are able to communicate quite intimately via the Internet, social media, smart phones, etc. (Slater, 2013). Services such as Skype and Twitter allow people to engage in more than text conversations and the use of smart phones allows individuals to communicate with one another at virtually any time of the day anywhere.

The obvious advantage to this phenomenon is that one's potential dating pool is expanded exponentially and in theory this makes it easier for a person to find someone who is compatible with them or has certain desired characteristics. The downside to having access to this expanded pool of potential dating/romantic partners is that it can potentially result in a type of partner shopping where an individual communicates and perhaps even dates one or more other people but is not committed to maintaining any type of long-term relationship with that person. Instead, the individual is always on the lookout to find someone better and maintains their current dating relationship/relationships for convenience until they find someone else (Morey, Gentzler, Creasy, Oberhauser, & Westerman, 2013; Slater, 2013). Thus, while this may actually improve the quantity of dating partners a person has it may result in a negative effect on the potential quality of the relationships that people experience. One person may be invested in developing a relationship, while the other is not. In fact if this increased pool of potential partners was an advantage that would produce more quality or compatible potential relationships one could expect to see a decline in overall divorce rates, since dating is still viewed as a stepping stone to a more permanent relationship; however, this has not been the case (see Brown & Lin, 2012; McDermott, Fowler, & Christakis, 2013). Therefore it appears that the increase in the potential pool of available dating partners and the increase in the availability of communication with these potential dating partners may foster an increase in the quantity of potential dating partners a person has, but not in an increase in the overall quality of relationships that people experience.

In fact, before the Internet revolution in 1980 only seven percent of singles in the U.S. were divorcees, whereas in 2009 this percentage doubled such that 15.6% of singles were divorcees (Brown & Lin, 2012; McDermott et al., 2013). Some have suggested that technological changes influencing the dating process are at least partially responsible for a rise in divorce rates in recent years and a higher percentage of people who are not getting remarried following a divorce (Brown & Lin, 2012).

Moreover technological innovations have resulted in infidelity becoming easier for many people in relationships and there is the potential for less accuracy to be reported in Internet dating profiles (Slater, 2013). Many individuals simply make up a persona and lie about their marital status or their relationship status. Some researchers have reported that only a very small percentage of the profiles on dating sites are fully accurate (Nelson, 2012; Slater, 2013). It is not uncommon for people to lie about their relationship status, post pictures that are not current, not be forthcoming about their work status, etc. Casual relationships are much easier to find as a result of Internet dating services and this may result in a lowered overall quality of relationships as well (Slater, 2013).

The increased ease of meeting people as a result of new technology such as the Internet and social media has also resulted in the potential for individuals to be taken advantage of in other ways (Nelson, 2012). People looking for potential friends/dating partners are being scammed out of money or other valuables at an increased rate and of course the potential for acts of violence, rape, etc. are also enhanced as a result of the increased pool of potential contacts one can make via the use of technology (Nelson, 2012). Moreover, even people with good intentions may find themselves expecting too much from these services.

There is the potential when using social media and Internet dating sites for individuals to engage in a form of psychological projection (Mischel, 2013) on individuals that they meet. What this means is that an individual conversing with someone on an Internet dating site or social media site will tend to attribute the type of positive aspects that they desire in a person to people they meet on these venues with very little actual evidence that these people possess these attributes. Thus, in the early stages of contact there is a potential to develop a false, fantasized, viewpoint of a person because there is actually no real physical contact and one cannot gather all of the types of evidence/information needed to make a real judgment about the person (Yurchisin, Watchravesringkan, & McCabe, 2005). However, increased access to information can also be a protective factor against being taken advantage of.

For those individuals who are a bit more cautious in their approach new technology offers a way to avoid being lied to or scammed by Internet contacts, social media contacts, dating site contacts, etc. With the advent of new technology there are also services that make it relatively easy to get information on nearly anyone if you have their name, the general area where they live, and some very basic information about the person (Slater, 2013). Thus, one can actually find out if a person is married, has a criminal record, even works at the place of employment that they claim to work at, etc. If they are willing to spend a little time investigating. Of course the downside to this is that it is extremely hard to hide anything about which you may be embarrassed such as a prior criminal offense, pending divorce, etc. For those individuals were willing to investigate the background of their potential dating contacts this can be seen as an advantage and can be extremely helpful in weeding out potential undesirable contacts. However, it can also result in weeding out people unnecessarily if one is too strict in their criteria of choice (e.g., ruling out someone who may have had a criminal record due to a shoplifting offense or some other rather innocuous event when they were very young). Thus, technology has made it much easier to rule out potentially undesirable people as dating partners and yet at the same time made it much harder to hide embarrassing information about oneself.

Technology such as social media has also made it possible for events that were known only to a few or discussed between only a few people to become very public. People cannot vent about a bad date in social media without being found out or without their statements being seen by others (Ellison, Heino, & Gibbs, 2006). This might have the effect of making people become either very discrete or more honest regarding the reporting of their experiences or it might also result in quite a bit of mud-slinging when people are angry or feel that they have been wronged. Nonetheless, technology has made the once relatively private events that occur in many first dates potentially very public (Ellison, Heino, & Gibbs, 2006). However, this technology has also expanded how people think about one another.

The Internet and other forms of technology represent a powerful medium for helping to spread information regarding breaking long standing dating rules and tolerance for new forms of relationships and tolerance for others. Because these dating sites speed up the process of getting-to-know someone these dating sites can offer select pools of people and result in a more focused approach and speed up this process further (Bradley, 2010). Thus, busy singles find using the internet as a convenient method for selecting potential dating partners, increasingly women are making the first move online, and there is a type of sexual liberation happening online where sexual minorities and other forms of diversity are able to come together. .

However, according to Rozler and Lavinthal (2010) because of the increased access to information online technology has ruined the traditional first date experience. The increased amount of initial online contact that occurs before the first date makes the first date feel unnecessary because this contact creates a false sense of intimacy between two people. Much of the traditional first date conversation such as asking someone their favorite movie, food, etc. that used to be part of the learning process no longer occurs on the first date. Therefore, the traditional process of getting acquainted on a first date has changed dramatically. Rozler and Lavinthal (2010) view this as resulting in a loss of the romance that was once associated with the early stages of dating. Moreover, the process of becoming physically intimate with dating partners may be accelerated for many due to this notion of a false sense of intimacy. However, the upside to this is that people only need to actually spend real time with other people that they believe might be compatible with them as opposed to sorting through potentially incompatible dates. So the traditional "first date" has become a thing of the past for many people and relationships move at a quicker pace. On the other hand the false sense of intimacy created by online and social media contact could set people up for potential big letdowns if they meet and find out that there is no spark in person (Ellison, Heino, & Gibbs, 2006).

Finally, technology has changed how people communicate. For example, text messaging has developed a whole new language with its own abbreviations and emoticons that allow for all sorts of mixed messages, flirting, and other forms of intercourse that would typically take place in person. For some people, texting and online communication fulfills the basic need for belongingness and companionship (Mischel, 2013); however, this form of communication is much shallower than actual physical contact. Thus, traditional courtship rituals such as dating required actual physical contact, strategic planning, courage, and some investment, whereas technology allows people to make numerous contacts without any real investment or risk (Slater, 2013). On the one hand this does allow individuals who would normally not have many social contacts to expand their circle of acquaintances; however, the actual quality of these relationships could be considered lacking when compared to more traditional avenues (Slater, 2013). Moreover, the actual quality of the messages using texting and within social media has lost a bit of its romanticism with the new "tech speak" (Ellison, Heino, & Gibbs, 2006). The process of romance may have become much less "romantic" as a result of the influence of technology on dating.

Conclusion

Dating is the traditional process used by people to search for a potential romantic partner. Customarily dating has been viewed as a precursor to engagement or marriage and the potential pool of dating partners was limited by demographic factors such as one's geographic location. Technological innovations such as the Internet, social media, smart phones, etc. have resulted in many of these limitations being removed and people have a wider access to potential dating partners. While increased access (quantity of potential partners) does allow a person the possibility to find more compatible dating prospects (increased quality of dating partners), this is certainly not always the case. The potential for other complications in the dating process such as more casual dating without commitment, a lowered quality of personal interaction, the loss of privacy, and the increased potential for to be taken advantage of by others are byproducts of increased accessibility. As the dating process continues to evolve people who begin dating with the new innovations of technology already in place should not be as naive and those who began with the more traditional dating process and had to adjust to the changes that technology has brought on dating. Thus, technology has levied a new set of standards, expectations, and rules on the dating process. One rule that has not changed as a result of technological innovations to dating is that increased quantity is not always associated with an increase in quality. Over time it will be interesting to see how the process of dating continues to change as a result of new technology.