Soloist: Lost Dream, an Unlikely

¶ … Soloist: Lost Dream, an Unlikely Friendship, and the Redemptive Power of Music

For reporter Steve Lopez, helping a mentally ill musician is anything but a 'solo' effort

Reporter Steve Lopez's book the Soloist: A Lost Dream, an Unlikely Friendship, and the Redemptive Power of Music illustrates the complex relationship between a reporter and his subject, when a reporter decides he wants to get personally involved in a story he is covering. While a casual reader might want Lopez's book to suggest that salvation for the mentally ill comes easily, provided a reporter simply shows compassion to his fellow human beings, the Soloist demonstrates that taking on the responsibility for caring for others, and trying to change their lives, is not as simple as just trying to 'do something.' Every time anyone, whether a reporter, relative, friend, or acquaintance, gives aid, that aid has consequences, both good and bad.

The Soloist is a work of creative nonfiction, detailing Lopez's relationship with a schizophrenic, homeless former music prodigy whom he met on the streets one day. Nathanial Ayers was playing Beethoven on a violin "caked with grime and a white chalky substance that looks like a fungus" with shocking virtuosity (Lopez 7). Lopez was intrigued, and with his reporter's instincts and legwork he discovered that Ayers was a former Julliard student and classmate of Yo-Yo Ma. "You name it, they were there. I was in the same orchestra as Yo-Yo Ma. I couldn't understand what the constant attack from people was all about" said Ayers (Lopez 73). It might sound crazy for a homeless man to make such a statement, but class records and Ayer's playing skills were testimony to the truth of his words. Yet Ayers could not cope with the pressures to prove himself at music school, especially as he was one of the few African-American students in attendance, and he sank into despair, paranoia, delusional mental illness, and homelessness. "Does the illness come up in a person randomly and without warning" wonders Lopez, upon hearing Ayers' story (Lopez 15).

Lopez wrote a column on Ayers, and many readers sent in musical instruments, to help Ayers get back in touch with his music, including violins, a cello, even a stand-up bass and a piano. "Four readers offer to pack up and ship violins. A violin maker offers to build one from scratch" (Lopez 21). But soon Lopez began to wonder if he was doing Ayers more harm than good, leaving him prey to muggings and violence. "He's out there now with two violins and a cello, inviting a mugging" worries the reporter (Lopez 25). Trying to find Ayers shelter rendered the two men more dependent upon one another and further deepened Lopez's involvement in Ayers' life. Lopez persists because music seems to offer a way for Ayers to concentrate and silence the demons in his brain. "Music is an anchor...His head is filled with mixed signals, a frightening jumble of fractured meaning, but in music there is balance and permanence" (Lopez 35). Paradoxically, musical talent made Ayers vulnerable to a breakdown, because of the social and self-imposed pressures he experienced at Julliard, but he also loves music and finds relief and stability within its concentrated format of notes, harmony, and melody.

Lopez writes that his relationship with Ayers is both a gift and a burden for them both: "I've got no time to play music-room monitor. I've set a trap for myself without knowing it, and readers aren't letting me forget it" (Lopez 25). Some of Lopez's interventions prove difficult, such as his attempt to reconnect Nathaniel with his family. "Stigma, March says, keeps families from accepting a loved one's illness and seeking treatment for them, and it also marginalizes those who are afflicted" (Lopez 76). Interestingly, Lopez writes, undercutting the accepted idea of the biological basis of mental illness, "I've been unable to find any evidence of mental illness in the history of Nathaniel's family (Lopez 77). The deeper Lopez becomes involved, the more paradoxical Nathaniel's madness and relationship to music becomes, and the more difficult it is to find out what is the cause, much less the solution, to the question of how best to fit Nathaniel back into society. Lopez is good at finding out the facts as a reporter, but answers to the problems his research provokes prove elusive regarding Ayers.

Lopez finds less and less time to spend with his own family and the payoff is uncertain: "The extra time I'm spending on Nathaniel is time I don't get to spend with my family. I wouldn't mind it so much if I knew I was making a bigger difference in Nathaniel's life" (Lopez 83). Lopez tries to get Nathaniel involved with the Lamp community, "a downtown Los Angeles agency that works with mentally ill homeless people" (Lopez 26). Lopez makes a tremendous investment in getting Ayers treatment, at one point even considering calling the police to force Nathaniel into intensive drug treatment and therapy for his schizophrenia. He calls Ayer's estranged sister, and demands that Lopez find a home and community connection at Lamp, if only to store his valuable instruments. By the end of the book, Lopez reflects: "Maybe I'm now at the point of letting go, of recognizing the limitations posed by so severe a disease as schizophrenia" (Lopez 268).