Defining friendship and the nature of friendship

Psychology - Friendship

WHAT IS a FRIEND?

Generally, a friend is person with whom we choose to maintain a social relationship because we value their inclusion in our life. A friend may also be a relative, but not all family relations are necessarily friends and friends are not necessarily related to us. There are many different forms of friendship, because the basis of friendship may differ substantially from one relationship to another.

Superficial Friendships:

Friendship may be based on a common interest such as a sport or hobby, in which case, the friends may have nothing else in common besides their specific shared interest.

These types of friendships may continue over a long period of time without any other shared characteristics, beliefs, or core values. For this reason, friendships based exclusively on shared interests tend to be superficial because the individuals may have absolutely nothing else in common. In fact, they may actually hold diametrically opposite beliefs in the most important areas of personal values that would ordinarily make them absolutely incompatible as friends but for the shared superficial interest.

Other superficial friendships arise more from shared circumstances and personal affinity or compatibilities. For example, friendships often develop among coworkers by virtue of shared circumstances and the amount of time regularly spent together. Like friendships based on a common superficial interest, friendships formed at work may reflect nothing more than a social society of individuals thrown together by necessity.

Work friendships may sometimes form between individuals who happen to also share more substantial similarities, but ordinarily, the basis of work friendships is simply compatibility in terms of personality, preferences, and force of habit. Typical examples would include the friendships between individuals sharing common work areas or adjacent cubicles or even habits like outdoor smoking breaks. As a matter of fact, one phenomenon that is readily observable wherever smoking is permitted only in certain specific areas outside office buildings is that many people who work for completely different companies tend to form a superficial friendship within the group of smokers, despite the fact that the only thing any of them necessarily have in common is an addictive habit that requires them to stand outside of the building periodically throughout the work day.

In principle, all of these types of friendships are superficial because they are based personality, circumstances, and interests that are not related to meaningful aspects of life.

Whereas more substantive friendships are characterized by shared philosophies, fundamental beliefs, moral values, and principles, superficial friendships usually reflect nothing more than the fact that two individuals share a circumstance (such as a place of employment) or a superficial interest (such as sports).

Meaningful Friendships:

More significant friendships are those between individuals who choose each other's friendship specifically rather than the types of relationships between individuals who just happen to share circumstances or superficial interests. In fact, because genuine friendships are based on fundamental shared attitudes and beliefs, they need not necessarily share any other of the superficial bases of work friendships or hobbyists.

Genuine friends may have nothing in common in terms of interests or lifestyle; they may not even see each other very often compared to friends with whom we share workspaces or bowling schedules. Genuine friendships share essential characteristics of honesty and substantial (if not full) mutual disclosure of personal thoughts and feelings. They provide psychological support and concern for each other's well-being, even from a distance. In this respect, the essential characteristics of genuine friendships resemble the idealistic image that many associate with and expect from family relationships or romantic partners.

Romantic Friendships: