Inequality Issue Behind Why Men

¶ … Inequality Issue Behind Why Men Cheat

In America, if it makes it to TV, then you know it's a common problem. If it makes it from the episodes of Sex and the City to Oprah, then you know it's a problem that almost everybody is thinking and talking about. The question of why men cheat, though, was enough to inspire two Oprah shows and quite a lot if Internet conversation. Professional marriage counselor M. Gary Newman showed up on the Oprah show twice to talk about cheating, answer questions, and work with couples who appeared on the show. So, why is everyone talking about this issue. Well, for one thing, Newman's research found that one in 2.7 men will cheat, and that cheating can be prevented, but it's how Newman advocates stopping cheating that is, to some, controversial. Newman's book, the Truth About Cheating, while written to empower women, according to the author, suggests that women's actions and attitudes can inspire the cheater. In other words, he argues that most men cheat, not because they want sex with a younger, different, or more beautiful women, but because of a feeling of under appreciation and other emotional reasons. Although Newman is correct in identifying cheating as a result of gender inequality, he does a disservice to women by implying that they can prevent their husbands from cheating by changing their actions.

During his appearance on the Oprah show, Newman suggested that men cheat because of some emotional need that is being unfulfilled in their lives. Several guests who had cheated on their wives identified feelings of under appreciation or that their wives were not interested in them as impetuses for their cheating. Newman commented that busy lives often lead to couples being further and further apart from each other, and this is ultimately the truth. Busy lives lead to many responsibilities, and one or both spouses may feel under appreciated or unloved because the other spouse is simply trying to complete all of the tasks needed to survive. Gender inequality is often present here. Often, one spouse takes on too many roles, either because the other spouse is not willing to take on these rolls or because the first spouse is, inherently, an overachiever or perfectionist. In this circumstance, it is easy for the spouse who is overwhelmed to become frustrated with his or her mate because he or she feels that the mate is not holding equal responsibility in the marriage. What has been suggested by many feminists and marriage counselors is that couples need to work together to share roles equally in the household, each taking on the roles most conducive to his or her strengths. Also, it is important for each spouse to recognize the contributions that the other makes to the family and thank him or her for these contributions. In this case, then, gender inequality will not exist, and couples will feel appreciated in their homes.