Woman and disablities

Women, Disability, Sexuality and the Image of the Ideal Woman

Women, Disability Sexuality and the Image of the Ideal Woman

The proposed course of research here is on the subject of women, disability and sexuality. The expectation of society is that disabled women are disabled sexually as well as physically because society cannot perceive women with disabilities in a way that is compatible with society's image of the "ideal woman." That is, the woman who is physically, emotionally and psychologically healthy; educated or intellectually alert, financially independent, reproductively healthy and capable of producing offspring; and able to balance all these things in a way that does not reveal her weaknesses.

This paper will attempt to gain a sense of the psychological, physical, emotional, and social realms within which disability impacts women's sexuality. That is: How does society respond to women who are physically, noticeably disabled; and how does society respond to women whose disabilities are not observable? How do women suffering noticeable and unobserved disabilities express themselves sexually? How do they touch their femininity in a way that allows for them to be fulfilled sexually? Do Stereotypical images of "the ideal woman" impact a woman's disability beyond the physicality of that disability?

In researching the topic and seeking answers to these questions, the research will rely upon existing studies and research to reach conclusions and understanding of the subject matter. Those works will support the introduction to the study with input from a woman whose own disabilities have served to inform her study on women, disabilities, and sexuality; Susan S. Stocker, 2001.

Alexander McKay's (2001) research on women, disability and sexuality and reproductive health will serve for forming a basis in thought for connecting to women and their reproductive health and sexuality.

An example of an "extraordinary body" will be taken from the study by Rosemary Thomson, and will serve as an example of how society arrives at an image of the ideal woman, versus that of the flawed, disabled, or freak woman.

Insight as to new perspectives on sexuality will be gained through the work of Zira DeFries, Richard C. Friedman, and Ruth Corn (1985). Although these insights will be contrasted with perspective in 1985, and today.

Gelya Frank (2000), will be relied upon extensively to supply the case of Diane DeVries, a physically disabled woman, who achieved a full and sexually active and satisfying life in spite of her disability. Frank's case study provides the perspective from which society perceives women with disabilities.

Women who suffer "invisible" disabilities, and whom are affected by reproductive disability, will be informed by Satya B. Bellerose and Yitzchak M. Binick (1993). Their work will contribute to the understanding of how women who are not able to reproduce are actually severely disabled by nature of the condition that renders them incapable of being reproductive, and by virtue of their inability to bear children.

Finally, G.J. Barker (2000), will serve to provide closing remarks, contributing insight to this research as to men's overall reaction to women with disabilities. Male attitudes are the product of the image of the ideal woman, which is an image that disabled women are challenged with overcoming, in addition to their disabilities.

Introduction

Susan S. Stocker (2001), writing for Frontiers - a Journal of Women's Studies, discusses at length her own experiences as a hearing disabled woman, and how her disability shaped her life from a very young age, including her sexuality (p. 154). Stocker's first-hand experiences, and her forthright discussion in detail of her emotional rollercoaster ride during which she struggled to overcome her disability and its saturation of her overall well being, identity, family relationships, and, as an adult, her sexuality (2001, p. 154). Stocker creates the basis for a broad insight into understanding disability and sexuality from the perspective of the woman who suffers a disability, beginning with her earliest life recollections (2001, p. 154). Stocker also discusses her sense of perfectionism that arose out of her desire to compensate for her disability, and that this sense of perfectionism was constantly in competition with the disability itself, in an effort to overcome it (2001, p. 154). While Stocker attributes her obsessive level of quest for perfectionism, which, in her case, manifested itself in athletic superiority and shaping her body into one of a superior athlete; women who become disabled later in their lives, especially as young adults, and as women who have not had the opportunity to compensate for their disability in the way that perhaps Stocker did, are no less, and perhaps even more so, impacted by that disability and its affects on their sexuality. Like Stocker, most women are obsessive in their pursuit of physical perfection, even if they are not physically the image that contemporary society associates with the physically ideal woman. Thus, when women are confronted with debilitating and life threatening disabilities, they tend to suffer not just the physical affects of their disability, but the emotional trauma and crisis in confronting their physical imperfection in a way that has a life altering impact on their sexuality.

This study explores the impact women's disabilities on their sexuality, the most intimate aspect of their femininity. The attempt here is to bring to light the problems that arise for women with respect to their continued expression of their sexuality, their intimate relationships, and what they perceive as the quality, or lack thereof, in the sense of personal sexual fulfillment post disability. The questions that will be explored here are: How does disability impact intimate relationships between a woman and her sexual partner? How do women whose relationships withstand the pressures and the trauma of disability manage their relationships to continued success in spite of disabilities? How does disability alter women's perception of themselves sexually?

These are very personal and difficult questions, and an attempt is made here to explore and answer these questions in the most frank and forthright manner that research of existing studies allows. The goal here is to present the research from the perspective of women, but it will rely upon input from the intimate partners of the women who are the focus of this study too.

The Ideal Woman

Most men, when asked to describe their ideal woman will give a name as a visual reference. For instance, today's man might say Angelina Jolie, the actress, who has in recent years gained as much celebrity for being the ultimate "earth mother," as much as she is famous for her naturally puffy lips, large almond shaped eyes, and great body and for being savvy enough an actress to have parleyed it into large sums of money for each film she makes. Agreeably, there is a lot there to admire, and it would reflect, too, the man priorities of a man who might use her name as a visual reference. Such a man would want a woman who was a professional, capable of earning a salary that could, if she so elected, to support her independent of a husband's income. It would suggest, too, that he was interested in a woman who was as comfortable in her role as a mother, charitable, but as intelligent as she was beautiful and charitable.

Finally, a man who might use Jolie as a reference for his ideal woman would also be suggesting that he would like his woman to be sensual and, presumably, going by the actress' reputation, a woman for whom sexual intimacy with her partner was as much a priority in her life as were all these others things previously mentioned, and that she would be capable of balancing her sexual intimacy with all these others interests and responsibilities and never falter at them - at least not that we know about. It is also likely that he has absolutely no idea who Angelina Jolie is, or how she actually goes about balancing her life, which, because she's a human being, albeit a human being of the female gender; she is likely not the image of perfection that a man using her as the image of his ideal woman would like to think that she is.

The point here is that no woman, probably not even Jolie, can live up to the "image" of Angelina Jolie the actress, mother, world ambassador for children's welfare, and power paycheck without missing a few of the juggling balls and even letting at least some of them become completely out of control on occasion. The ideal woman expressed in the example of Jolie, or any other "image" of perfection that a man responding to the original question might suggest; is just that, an image of perfection, which the ordinary woman is hard put to live up to. However, for the contemporary woman, this image of perfection has shaped the way in which many woman perceive themselves, and is the driving force behind multi-billion dollar industries in cosmetics, diets, exercise, fashion, and, today, surgical reconfiguration of her natural body that encourage women in their pursuit of self perfection.

Susan S. Stocker, deaf since birth, admittedly attempted to compensate for her disability, her imperfection, through the relentless pursuit of achieving perfection physically and athletically, and even when she excelled, Stocker confesses, for a long time she remained emotionally tortured by disability for which no amount of body shaping or athletic skill in sports could change that disability (2001, p. 154). Stocker's struggle with her self-image, her identity and hers sexuality were in large part shaped by her disability.

While it is not an attempt here to disparage Stocker, or to belittle the significance of her disability; Stocker is a woman who suffered her hearing impairment from birth. Stocker suffered emotionally as a result of her disability, struggled with it for most of her life in the ways in which it impacted her self-esteem, self-image, and sexuality. So, might not a woman who acquired a disability at that point her life when she was approaching, or in the throes of young womanhood and who, like Stocker, relentlessly pursued the "ideal woman" perfection, and whether she accomplished that perfection or not; be equally, perhaps even more so devastated and traumatized psychologically, physically, and sexually by her disability? The answer is: of course she would be.

Consider this scenario: The everyday ideal, a young woman, professional, lawyer, working towards a partnership in the law firm where she currently works as an associate, doing legal grunt work. In order to be professionally competitive, she must compete not just with the other fifteen associates, all of whom have the same goal as she; but she must compete within the existing partnership group to prove herself one of them, without offending them. She is operating professionally in a largely male environment, and by virtue of the historic role of women in education, business and income earning potential, she is competing amongst more women associates than she is women partners. She is single, in a serious relationship, and she shares a downtown high rise executive apartment with the man she will probably one day marry, and with whom she will build a family and life with. A routine visit to the gynecologist reveals she has ovarian cancer. Her life has, with this diagnosis, been professional, financially, physically and psychologically sidetracked. How does she return to her life post diagnosis? Does she give her employer this devastating news? Does she give her live-in partner this news? There are many questions that she has to answer for herself, but what becomes immediately clear, is that her life is in danger at the time of the diagnosis, and, to compound the health problem she is facing, her life, in every other way is about to change.

Women and Reproductive Disabilities: The Inside Perspective

Women suffering reproductive disabilities, such as ovarian cancer, manifest those suffering in a way that is slightly different from the woman whose physical disability if more visual; though not less all around devastating.

Alexander McKay (2001), in a journal article appearing in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, stresses the need for women suffering any kind of a disability to seek "comprehensive sexuality education and sexual health services that are appropriate to their specific needs (p. 65)." McKay cites a study conducted by Walter, Nosek and Langdon comparing women with physical disabilities and women who had no disabilities, and the study revealed that both groups of women were as well informed on their sexuality, but that women suffering disabilities had fewer sexual experiences than did those women who had no disabilities (p. 65). Women who suffer disabilities and who have fewer sexual experiences as compared with those women who have no disability, are, by virtue of their disability, further sexually impaired. Their quality of life is not just impacted by their physical disability, but by the reduced or even absence of sexual intimacy.

Sataya B. Bellerose and Ytizchak M. Binik (1993) write on the subject of women and their body images, referring specifically to women post surgery, during which their cancerous ovaries were removed (oophorectomy) (p. 435). The authors stress the importance of understanding how the procedure, oophorectomy, affect women's health, emotionally and physically (p. 435). Emotionally and physically mean body image, mood, and sexual functioning (p. 435). First, and very important, the procedure increases the patient's risk for heart disease, osteoporosis, and genitourinary atrophy (Cutler and Garcia, 1984; Henderson et al., 1988; Hreschyshyn et al., (1988), "and it is therefore recommended that exogenous hormones, typically estrogens (estrogen replacement therapy, EST) or less commonly, a combination of androgens and estrogens (combined hormone replacement therapy, COM) be prescribed (Bellerose and Binik, 1993, p. 435)." Subsequent research, however, brings into discussion the usefulness and the extent to which long-term hormone therapy should be employed as a post surgical treatment (Egeland et al., 1988; McKinlay and McKinlay, 1984) (Bellerose and Binik, 1993, p. 435).

Bellerose and Binik cite a studies (Andersen and Jochimsen, 1985; Krouse and Krouse, 1982), that showed that women experiencing oophrectomies had more difficulty adjusting to their post surgical body images (Bellerose and Binik, 1993, p. 435). Suggesting that even though the disability was less physical than the comparison group, women having undergone mastectomies, that the unseen disability was more difficult for the women to deal with and to reconcile with their physical self when wearing swimming attire (p. 435). The weakness of the study was that there is no measurement, standardized measurement, by which to measure comfort levels with respect to a woman's comfort with her own body.

However, because gynecological surgeries as a result of cancer or other conditions that warrant such procedures, impact the mood of women, their self-identity, and body images, suggesting that they have trouble reconciling what their body has experienced, the trauma of having lost organs that regulate to some extent a woman's sexuality. There is probably no way that this experience does not intrude upon the woman's intimate relationship, creating self-consciousness about her physicality, and about her ability to, in some cases, manifest the ultimate expression of a man and woman's bonding by an inability to become pregnant by her partner, and to give birth to his child.

How do men respond to women who have undergone these kinds of procedures? Well, first, whether or not men do respond negatively to this kind of information is second to how a woman might believe they respond to this news. Given our "ideal woman," and her scenario, her fears might be obvious: she is on a professional fast track with a partner whose expectation is that she maintain her earning power and contribute to their financial security by minimally being able to support herself. In this respect, she might not be impacted post surgical recovery. However, their relationship would change on an intimate level because the ideal woman has become flawed, physically, because she now undergoes hormone therapy; reproductively, because now choices like adoption must be considered. When studies such as those cited by Bellerose and Binik suggest women experience problems with body image and mood swings, this arises out of the way in which women, if not researchers, connect to their sexuality as it is defined in personal terms of satisfaction arising out of intimate relationships with their partners.

The fact that a gynecological disability, having been rendered incapable of childbearing, is proven to take no less a toll on a woman's overall health because the disability cannot be seen by others.

Physically Observable Disability and Women's Sexuality

Gelya Frank (2000) writes of her friendship and study of Diane DeVries, who Frank describes as,.".. A woman born with the physical and mental equipment she would need to live in our society - except arms and legs (p. 1)." Devries was an undergraduate student when Frank met her, and Frank recalls vividly observing for the first Devries as she entered the lecture hall. Frank describes it this way:

It as the spring quarter, and Diane was enrolled in the large introductory lecture course on cultural anthropology, for which I was a teaching assistant. From my vantage in the back of the lecture hall I watched a blond woman enter the classroom in an electric wheelchair. She looked to be in the fullness of womanhood, wearing a sleeveless white top with narrow straps. Her tapered arm stumps seemed daringly exposed, and the mysterious configuration of her hips was encased in tight blue jeans that ended where he legs should have begun (Frank, 2000, p. 1)."

From Frank's description of DeVries, we can see that the young woman made every effort to touch her femininity, her sexuality, beyond her disability. DeVries addressed her physical image with fashion, and was clearly strive to either achieve or maintain her feminine image, and perhaps even her self-esteem.

As Frank goes on to further describe that which could not be seen about DeVries, Frank's thoughts are revealing of what many in society might expect when meeting DeVries, as well as the disadvantage that DeVries' disability created for her in society, without people knowing her on a personal, much less intimate level. Frank writes:

As I observed this woman, I imagined that she lived at home with her parents in a sheltered and socially isolated household. I supposed that she would never marry or have sex. I guessed that she couldn't even masturbate. In short time I was proved wrong on all these counts, and perhaps I should not have been surprised. There was something of the sexual rebel in Diane's appearance, a touch of the "bad girl," that may have engaged my voyeurism and sexual fantasies at the same time that I tried to suppress and ignore them. My preoccupation with Diane's ability to marry and have sex revealed much more about me than about Diane. I hadn't met her. I didn't even know her name (p. 2)."

It does not just reflect what Frank did not know about DeVries, it reflects what society wants to believe about people with disabilities. It is, agreeably, an indication of our own inability to relate and to accept people with disabilities, but it is nonetheless the roles that we for the most part relegate to people with disabilities. In the case of DeVries, Frank was unable to immediately relate the messages DeVries was sending about herself to Frank, in a way that Frank might have immediately associated those messages that a woman who was not physically disabled might have been sending about herself. Frank's first base with the image of DeVries was one of putting DeVries in the position of victim, and further disabling the victim by adding to the physical disability a sexual impairment.

Frank goes on in the book to detail a subsequent twenty year relationship with DeVries that yielded vast amounts of data on women and disabilities, but also notes that women suffering disabilities, and women's rights in general, were not synonymous movements, although the women's rights movement did facilitate the rights of women suffering from disabilities (Frank, 2000, p. 3). Over their twenty year relationship, Frank made perhaps as many startling discoveries about herself. On this discovery, Frank writes:

My fascination with Diane prompted me at once to explore the sources in myself that made the image of a woman without limbs so intriguing. Through systematic self-reflection I probed my identification and empathy with her situation, uncovering my own invisible disabilities and then disentangling them from the way Diane sees herself (p. 4)."

DeVries, in fact, was a woman who achieved a full life not in spite of her disabilities, but being disabled. She had a meaningful and complete relationship with a man, lived with that man for nine years before they were finally married (p. 146). This is not to say that DeVries life was all fashion, sex, and no problems. She is a woman born without her extremities, and who has had to overcome first, her own disability, then that of the public at large, as we know by Frank's reaction; and then the challenges of meeting and becoming psychologically, intellectually, and physically involved with a man who would become her husband.

Most men, and I would suggest, no men, would, when asked to describe their ideal woman, begin by describing Diane DeVries, or a woman who was disabled, or who was born deaf or without her extremities. Nor do I think that a woman seeking an alternative life style relationship would be any more prone to describe that as her ideal life partner than might a man be. Here is a truly equal ground upon which stand both men and women. Thus, given these enormous individual social blocks to achieving fulfillment as a woman, a sexual woman, when disabled, it is noticeable that even if a woman overcomes her own fears and concerns with her image, she has to overcome those same fears and concerns with her image in the minds of others before she can engage in a fulfilling sexual relationship. She is not anyone's ideal woman - at least not that a man might immediately recognize as such.

Expressions of Women's Sexuality When Disabled woman's sexual identity is a combination of multiple factors, not the least among which are 1) her relationship to her mother, 2) reconciling her susceptibility or lack therefore to becoming pregnant 3) her body image 4) her age and mortality, anxiety about loss of youth, and 4) her career, or the power with which she feels embodied in her life, and, finally, 5) her relationship with her life partner (male or female).

These expressions of sexuality are not diminished by disability, whether that disability is observable or not; but are furthered enlarged by the disability. The immediate psychological need that is imposed by disability is a need to compensate for the disability; thus, when a disabled woman looks to compensate for the disability, she is, as compared to other women, over compensating for those other factors that form or impact her sexual expression of herself.

Zira DeFries, Richard C. Friedman and Ruth Corn (1985) discuss women and sexuality. Their comments on pregnancy reflect attitudes and perspectives on sexuality that support the contention here that reproduction, or lack thereof, is a major element in a woman's expression of her sexuality (p. 3). That reproduction has positive and adverse impacts on a woman's sexuality, the authors write: