Demonstrative communication: nonverbal and unwritten forms of expression

¶ … communication includes nonverbal and unwritten communication and involves facial expressions, the tone of a person's voice, body language, and related issues. Smiles, handshakes, crossed arms, raised eyebrows, and comments that appear to be "dripping" with sarcasm are all part of demonstrative communication (Barnlund, 2008; Montana & Charon, 2008). Both listening and responding are involved in the interaction between individuals who use demonstrative communication, because this kind of communication can be something that begins a conversation and elicits a response, or something that is used to create a response to communication that has already been presented by someone else (Berko, et al., 2010; Heyman, 1994). For example, "icy" treatment and other clearly hostile or passive-aggressive communication can be used to keep people away or to elicit a response from another person. If communication is unacceptable, demonstrative communication can also be used to show another person that there is no desire to have a talk or discussion (or any kind of interaction). This kind of communication can be used everywhere, from a night out on the town to an important business meeting.

One of the most common forms of demonstrative communication is the way people greet one another (Barnlund, 2008). This often involves a smile or a handshake. In some cultures, it can also involve bowing or curtseying. Many people also speak during a greeting, but those who are watching carefully for clues to the other person can easily determine whether the spoken part of the greeting is genuine based on the way a person's demonstrative communication comes across (Berko, et al., 2010; Heyman, 1994). In other words, if the person uses polite words but the body posture and tone of voice are clearly unfriendly, it is likely the person is not actually feeling friendly or kind toward the person he or she is greeting. This discrepancy can be very subtle or very obvious, and that can depend on several factors. Sometimes people make an effort to hide how they really feel but they are not very good at it, and others make no effort to hide how they truly feel about a person they must interact with, even if they know that they technically have to be polite.

Conversely, this difference between what is said and what is shown nonverbally can also be seen when people are trying to hide strong, positive feelings for someone else (Barnlund, 2008; Berko, et al., 2010). When someone cares deeply for another person, that caring often shows in that person's body language and in the inflection used in that person's voice, even if the person does not actually say anything that would indicate his or her feelings. This is often referred to as "wearing one's heart on one's sleeve," and is generally easily noticeable by others who see the interactions between the two individuals. Whether people are showing they care or showing they definitely do not care about the welfare of another person, demonstrative communication can give them away even when what they say is perfectly in line with what would be expected of them and does not show that they have anything more at stake than the situation should allow for.

In other words, a business meeting or any other kind of transaction can be carried out, and by just listening to the words it would seem as though nothing is amiss. If one listens to the inflection, however, and looks at the body language and other cues the people are giving to one another, it can be very obvious that there are underlying feelings that are not coming out in the actual words being said. This is how rivalries get started, and also how many office romances are detected. Demonstrative communication is very important to people in all walks of life (Heyman, 1994). They use it consciously at times, but they often use it without realizing what they are doing.

With this in mind, it shows their true feelings better than the words they speak or write. Those who are paying attention can deduce how others feel by watching them and listening to the way they form their sentences and the information and feelings that are implied and not actually expressed. This can be complicated and more difficult to do when there are cross-cultural issues involved (Barnlund, 2008; Montana & Charon, 2008). Communication between people with the same cultural upbringing is difficult enough, and different cultures mean even more understandings (Berko, et al., 2010). The words that are used can make perfect sense, but if the demonstrative communication does not match with the words in the receiving person's culture, confusion can easily arise.