How I resolved a frustrating situation and its effects

¶ … roommate can be both an asset and a liability. On one hand, a good roommate can share living costs, help with chores, and provide companionship. On the other hand, a bad roommate can cause many problems, including late rent and bills, a messy apartment, and annoying behavior. I do not have an especially bad roommate. She pays her share of living costs on time and consistently completes her share of chores. However, we did have a few issues during the first six months that we began to live together.

My roommate did pay her half of our bills on time, so I did not expect to have any financial problems with her. But we ran into trouble when she began to drink my coffee every morning and then fail to replace the empty can, and she never seemed to have any extra money when we needed toilet paper, dish soap, or laundry detergent. She did help me to keep our apartment clean, but her standards of cleanliness seemed to be below mine. She was satisfied with cluttered drawers and cabinets, and she felt that the bathroom only needed to be scrubbed once or twice a month. The biggest problem is the most personal one: she is an extrovert and I am not. I began to resent her incessant small talk and meaningless chatter, especially in the evenings when I was exhausted from the day and wanted nothing more than peace and quiet by myself in front of the television.

I knew that I had to take action to resolve this frustrating situation. In general, my roommate and I got along very well. She was a responsible and thoughtful person to live with. This is hard to find and I did not want to let petty aggravations ruin our living situation. So I decided to use the communication skills that I have been learning recently and simply talk to her. I approached her with a pleasant and non-confrontational attitude. I used "I" statements and described to her the way I felt without blaming her or trying to make her feel bad in any way. Then I gave her several ways that she could pick from to resolve the issues. We had an open and productive conversation and the effects were mutually beneficial.

I explained to her that I felt frustrated and taken advantage of when I went to make coffee and realized that I did not have any left, and when I constantly had to go to the store to replace other groceries that we both used. She was very apologetic. She explained that she lived on a very limited income and had personal bills that I was not aware of, which was causing her to run out of money before she was getting paid. The effect of this was that we wrote out a budget for our common household products. We scheduled when we would each buy these products so that we did not keep running out and so that I would not have to spend more money on coffee and toilet paper than she did.

Then I discussed the cleaning issue. I explained that I felt very frustrated when the bathtub had hair all over it, and when the kitchen drawers and cabinets were so messy that I could not find certain utensils that I needed, and when sometimes things actually fell out of the cabinets when I opened them. Again, she was apologetic. She was working two jobs and was having a hard time with time management. She did not always have enough time to make sure that things were in perfect order in the kitchen. I agreed to help her out by handling the majority of the chores on the days that she had to work at both of her jobs, and she would scrub the bathroom every week on her day off.