Conflict Styles That Prevent Collaboration among Team Members

Personal Reflection Paper
Introduction
When it comes to my relationship with my friend Joey, we all seem to end up arguing no matter what the situation is. I have a very dominant personality as does he, and our conflict styles butt heads. In this paper, I will explore my conflict communication with Joey and analyze TRIP goals, power and conflict styles and how they apply to my relationship. Then I will explain how to improve my conflict communication and identify how I would help someone to use conflict communication concepts affecting the working of a team.
Explanation of the Concepts
TRIP Goals
According to Hocker and Wilmot (2014), TRIP is an acronym for topic, relational, identity and process goals. Topic goals are what each party wants (Hocker & Wilmot, 2014, p. 218). A parent may a son to show more discipline. A son may want to have more freedom. With my friend, we both want to be the one calling the shots for our group and we usually have our own ideas of what the group should do, neither of us wanting to relent.
A relational goal is a goal for a particular relationship—i.e., how one wants the relationship to be. For example, I want to be treated with respect by my friend and I want us to get along instead of always arguing. Identity goals focus on maintaining face and maintaining one’s sense of pride and self-worth. My friend sometimes accuses me of being bossy, which aggravates me because I feel that I am generally always accommodative. A process goal is focused on communication and conflict processes and determines how one wants these processes to occur. For example, I want to start applying the maxim, “Never let the sun go down on your anger,” with my friend, which should help me to resolve our differences in a timely fashion (Hocker & Wilmot, 2014, p. 220).
Power
Power refers to influence, i.e., who holds the most leverage in any situation and thus is most likely to control the outcome. In my relationship with my friend, we are both vying for the most power. Neither wants to feel out of control—that is the reason we both act this way. Yet, ceding control does not necessarily mean that one is handing over power. Power can be exercised in many ways, including silently and indulgently. People see their own power in subjective ways. For example, “if you see yourself as low power you are likely to keep silent even when you disagree - giving the impression that you agree when you don’t” (Hocker & Wilmot, 2014, p 107). However, if you see yourself as high power, you may keep silent out of a desire for compromise—which shows great restraint, self-control and power, too.
Conflict Styles
Conflict styles vary depending on personality, setting, and how others act. Some conflict styles are avoidant: “The avoider may sidestep an issuer by changing the topic or simply withdrawing from dealing with the issue” (Hocker & Wilmot, 2014, p 152). When Joey and I argue, our other friends demonstrate avoidance as their conflict style because they just walk away and leave the fight to us. I would like my conflict style to be more accommodating and more collaborative. I also want to work on having a more compromising conflict style as well because right now it is too competitive with Joey and I feel this is holding us back. If I show respect for Joey’s opinions and allow him to maintain face, it is likely that he will respond in kind with me when there is something that I really feel is important (Wallensteen, 2018). I have to be able to discern my own feelings and views and be willing to compromise on that which is really not that big of a deal.
How They Apply to My Relationship
My TRIP goals for my relationship with Joey are 1) to better communicate with Joey what my desire for the group is and to listen to him when he tells me what his desire is; 2) to have a positive relationship with Joey instead of a negative one; 3) to maintain face while allowing Joey to maintain face as well; and 4) to resolve differences with Joey in a timely fashion.
In terms of power, I have a high power sense and want to use the power better in terms of managing conflict with Joey. I can use power to reduce conflict by expressing my desires but showing my willingness to compromise as well for the good of the whole group. In terms of conflict style, I want to use less of a competitive style and more of a collaborative and compromising style. If I can be more accommodating, I will try to be so that Joey does not always feel like I am being combative.
How to Improve My Conflict Communication
To enhance my conflict communication with Joey, I want to use emotional and social intelligence more as these can help to facilitate communication and prevent blow-ups from happening (Sanchez-Nunez, Patti & Holzer, 2015). Some of the problems I have with conflict communication is that I fail to take account of others’ emotions and the social signs they are indicating. I imagine that my way is all that matters and the feelings of others do not matter. But this actually indicates a lack of leadership skills on my part. So what I need to do is to be more sensitive to the feelings of Joey and to identify the things I do that trigger him so that I can avoid doing them. He will appreciate the effort I am putting in to maintain our friendship and he will find ways to demonstrate his appreciation in return. Friendship is about making sacrifices for one another and being okay with that.
How to Help Someone Use Conflict Communication Concepts with a Team
For someone using conflict communication concepts with a team, the important thing is to be clear and to communicate what you want. Do not be shy about your expectations—but do not think that it is okay to force these on others. You put them out there so that they can be acknowledged and received and so that others can understand where you are coming from. But this is just the first step because conflict communication is about reaching middle ground and creating win-win situations for the whole team. It is important to use social and emotional intelligence so as not to rob others of face, for maintaining face is important for people’s sense of self-esteem and morale. Considering conflict styles and what the trigger points of others are and what your own weaknesses are can help to better prepare you to overcome conflict by accepting change.
Conclusion
Conflict communication concepts are helpful in understanding why conflict is occurring and changing steps and styles in how one communicates so as to mitigate the risk of conflict occurring. It takes two to tango, as the saying goes, so by focusing on yourself you can make the necessary changes to improve relationships and show others that you are prepared to work with them on achieving solutions to problems. One should be bold and not afraid to voice one’s opinions, but one should be mindful of others and respectful of their needs as well.
References
Hocker, J.W., & Wilmot, W.W. (2014). Interpersonal conflict (9th ed.). VitalSource Bookshelf.
Sanchez-Nunez, M., Patti, J. & Holzer, A. (2015). Effectiveness of a leadership development program that incorporates social and emotional intelligence for aspiring school leaders. Journal of Educational Issues, 1(1), 5-9.
Wallensteen, P. (2018). Understanding conflict resolution. SAGE Publications Limited.