Impacts of Long-Distance Relationships on Interpersonal Communication

What are the Impacts of Long-Distance Relationships on Interpersonal Communication?
Introduction
Long-distance relationships can essentially go one of two ways: they can make relationships stronger and fortify the bond between people, or they can reveal that distance is too great an obstacle for the relationship to be sustained. One of the major factors in determining which way the long-distance relationship will go is the factor of interpersonal communication and what the two parties expect, need and can deliver. If the distance cannot meet expectations or needs and support delivery, the interpersonal communication variable is likely to be negatively impacted. This paper will explain how it depends completely upon what type of communication is needed by the individuals in the long-distance relationship and what kind of relationship they have had in the past. Distance is unlikely to be the only issue to impact interpersonal communication; however, it is the one that this paper will examine. In doing so, this paper will show how long-distance relationships can both fortify interpersonal communication and undermine it, depending on the people involved, what they expect, need and are capable of delivering to the other person.
Stories and Statistics
With the advent of social media, long-distance relationships have become more possible than ever before. The digital age allows for communication to be instantaneous and for people to connect in the virtual world in a world that is much difference from the real world of face-to-face interaction. In a way, social media interpersonal communication has replaced face-to-face contact for many people. As Dr. Paul Booth at the College of Communication at DePaul University of Chicago has pointed out, “There has been a shift in the way we communicate; rather than face-to-face interaction, we’re tending to prefer mediated communication…We’d rather e-mail than meet; we’d rather text than talk on the phone” (Keller, 2013, p. ). However, for some social media interaction is only a weak form of interpersonal communication (Keller, 2013). They prefer face-to-face intimate contact. They want the distance to be diminished. They look forward to the day when they are no longer separated—but until then they try to keep up the communication as best they can using digital devices and mobile phones.
It is not uncommon for this situation to arise, especially for young people. It is estimated that nearly 50% of college students who leave home for school will try to maintain a long-distance relationship while at college (Maquire & Kinney, 2010). How the individuals in the long-distance relationship respond to the challenges of being apart will determine the extent to which their interpersonal communication suffers or grows over time.
Instances Where Long-Distance Relationships Fortify Interpersonal Communication
Instances where long-distance relationships fortify interpersonal communication are those wherein the individuals involved see the use of technology as a way to enhance their communication abilities and to stay united even while apart. It also depends upon the bond and the level of commitment that the people share (Farrell et al., 2015). As Farrell et al. (2015) point out, partners’ humility, “as well as their levels of commitment to the relationships, relationship satisfaction, and forgiveness of their partners” are all factors that will impact the outcomes of the relationship and, needless to say, the extent to which interpersonal communication is fortified (p. 14).
Etcheverry and Le (2005) have also shown that commitment is a big factor in determining how well partners in a long-distance relationship will focus on interpersonal communication. One of the big aspects of commitment is how much the partners are willing to sacrifice for the other. In a long-distance relationship, one person might be satisfied with only speaking to the other a few times a week while the other might want a phone call every night or FaceTime or social media posts that show the two are still connected in spite of the distance. If the other person is not willing to sacrifice personal preferences to make the other person happy, the interpersonal communication is obviously going to suffer.
When long-distance relationships are seen more as an obstacle than as a challenge for people to come together, the danger is that communication is going to falter. Long-distance relationships have to be built on mutual respect and trust and they have to focus on the people providing one another with the love and support they each need. And that means being willing to make small sacrifices, such as posting pics on social media to make the other person happy, leaving comments, calling frequently as needed, and as showing a willingness to maintain interpersonal communication using the tools available no matter what the cost (Etcheverry & Le, 2005). That kind of commitment shows that underneath the distance is a real bond of affection and warmth, commitment and value that the two people respect.
It also shows maturity and realism about what the relationship is about. For younger people, such as college students, maturity is not always going to be something that many possess. College students are on their own for the first time and lack experience in this area and do not necessarily have the right guidance on how to navigate this kind of tricky relationship issue, having never been in a situation like this before. However, if they enter into it with a mature and realistic perspective, knowing that it is a relationship they want to maintain, there is a high chance that the partners will make it will and will use the tools available in today’s Digital Age to stay connected, to keep each other posted on what is going on in their lives, and to provide the support that each one needs. When individuals show love and affection in a way that demonstrates selflessness, they will fortify their interpersonal communication naturally and organically. Distance does not have to be a deal breaker and the tools of social media, phone communication, FaceTime and so on all make it easier to stay connected for those who are willing to embrace the distance as a challenge to be overcome rather than as an obstacle to growth and a reason to break up.
As Johnson, Haigh, Becker, Craig and Wigley (2008) even young people, however, can use social media and email to manage their long-distance relationships effectively. Long-distance relationships, in other words, do not have to crush interpersonal communication even when the relationships being discussed are just with friends and family and not romantic. The real risk, however, is with romantic relationships because those are the ones that need to be sustained by more consistent and interpersonal contact and communication. Friends and family tend to be willing to wait for a return so they can pick up where they left off (Johnson, 2001). Romantic partners on the other hand want to know that there will be a future and going for long stretches without interpersonal communication can be harmful for the relationship.
Instances Where Long-Distance Relationships Undermine Interpersonal Communication
Long-distance relationships are not going to work under every set of circumstances and in cases where the people involved in them are not aligned in their thinking, needs, expectations and ability to satisfy, the interpersonal communications of the two will suffer (Etcheverry & Le, 2005; Johnson, 2001). When individuals view distance as a reason to say goodbye or as a reason to give up or to not be hopeful, interpersonal communication suffers. When they see it as an excuse to miss a call or to start seeing other people, interpersonal communication suffers. It suffers because the two are no longer connected mentally. The physical disconnection starts the process of a mental disconnection, which leads to a disconnection in terms of interpersonal communication.
Those who maintain strong interpersonal communication efforts with their significant others over the course of a long-distance relationship do so because they are mentally connected to one another. In other words, they are aligned in their thoughts, needs, expectations and ability to satisfy. It is when one of these is missing that breakdowns in communication can occur. One person will feel that the other is not making himself available enough and the problems the two are having will become amplified unless there is maturity, respect, humility and appreciation among the two partners (Farrell et al., 2015).
Interpersonal communication suffers in long-distance relationships when there is a sense among one or both that there is no need to stay connected, to keep up with the social media posts to show support and interest; no need to make that extra phone call or to take that extra time to send an email even if it will not be of anything important. What matters for people in long-distance relationships is that they let the other know they are loved, that they are being thought about, that they are missed. It shows that the communication is working and the connection is being maintained. When the distance begins to grow heavy, the commitment can falter. The two can begin to wonder whether there is any real point to maintaining the relationship. Interpersonal communication will all but stop in these types of situations because there is no trust or vision that the two are even on the same page.
Conclusion
Long-distance relationships do not have to mean that interpersonal communication is going to end. If anything, the availability of digital and mobile technology has made it easier than ever before in history to maintain strong interpersonal communications with significant others in long-distance relationships. In fact, as Maquire and Kinney (2010) show, many people today would prefer to feel as though they were in a long-distance relationship as they prefer using social media and digital tech to communicate with friends, family and loved ones instead of seeing them face-to-face. This discovery shows that interpersonal communication does not have to be threatened by distance. However, in order for long-distance relationships to work and to not undermine interpersonal communication, the partners involved must be mature about their relationship and realistic about what the future holds. If they are aligned and mentally connected, they will recognize the emotional needs of the other and be willing and able to meet those needs by sending the extra email, texting the extra message, taking the time for a phone call, or liking a post on social media. It is really all about making a commitment to be there for the other person in the ways that person needs. Distance does not have to be an obstacle to that.
References
Etcheverry, P. E., & Le, B. (2005). Thinking about commitment: Accessibility of commitment and prediction of relationship persistence, accommodation, and willingness to sacrifice. Personal Relationships, 12(1), 103-123.
Farrell, J. E., Hook, J. N., Ramos, M., Davis, D. E., Van Tongeren, D. R., & Ruiz, J. M. (2015). Humility and relationship outcomes in couples: The mediating role of commitment. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 4(1), 14.
Johnson, A. J. (2001). Examining the maintenance of friendships: Are there differences
between geographically close and long?distance friends?. Communication Quarterly, 49(4), 424-435.
Johnson, A. J., Haigh, M. M., Becker, J. A., Craig, E. A., & Wigley, S. (2008). College students’ use of relational management strategies in email in long-distance and geographically close relationships. Journal of Computer-mediated communication, 13(2), 381-404.
Keller, M. (2013). Social media and interpersonal communication. Social Work Today, 13(3), 10.
Maguire, K. C., & Kinney, T. A. (2010). When distance is problematic: Communication, coping, and relational satisfaction in female college students' long-distance dating relationships. Journal of Applied Communication Research, 38(1), 27-46.