Major psychological perspectives on romantic relationships

Psychological Perspectives

The relationship to be considered is a romance between a man, 28 years of age, and a woman who is 22 years old. The relationship lasted three years, and can be described according to the five major psychological perspectives, including the biological, learning, cognitive, sociocultural, and psychodynamic perspectives. The man will be called Erik and the woman Amanda.

Erik and Amanda met at the wedding of a mutual acquaintance. Neither was in a relationship at the time, and they noticed each other while their respective companions were on the dance floor. At the meeting, the biological perspective (Appraiser Central, 2010) played a major role. Impulses, chemicals and hormones combined to attract Eric and Amanda to each other. When they first noticed each other, both Eric and Amanda were pleased with what they saw at a physical level. They found each other attractive, and hence Eric approached to invite Amanda for a dance. The biological impulses perpetuated, and they began a relationship.

The biological element dominated for a month or so at the beginning of the relationship, after which the learning perspective (Appraiser Central, 2010) began to play a role.

When the romantic passion became less dominant, Eric and Amanda began to become aware of each other's needs and personalities. Through communicating, they began to learn what these are and how to please each other in terms of partnership. Eric for example learned that Amanda appreciated thoughtful gestures like flowers on her birthday. The size of the gift did not matter as much as the understanding that he remembered days that were important to her. Amanda on the other hand learned that Eric appreciated her interest in his professional life. She learned to demonstrate an understanding and listening attitude when he needed to complain after a hard day at the office. Eric's perspective was however that Amanda's job -- as the owner of a bookshop -- was not as highly stressful as his own and he seldom offered the same understanding to her at the end of a long day. Amanda considered this as a necessary and minor sacrifice to preserve the peace of the relationship, as well as in the light of Eric's other good qualities, such as his thoughtfulness.

The partners also learned to avoid actions and issues that caused conflict or angry reactions. Eric for example learned that Amanda like to be notified if he needs to work late. She also likes to know in advance if he is going to invite business acquaintances for dinner. Amanda in turn knows that Eric does not like her to go out alone with past romantic acquaintances, even only as friends. If she goes out without him, he likes her to be with a group of mixed-gender friends rather than alone with one male friend. At the same time, he avoids nights out with single lady friends and goes out only in groups if not with her.

The cognitive perspective also began to play a part during the learning process. This was not at all a factor during the first, biological phase of the relationship. As the relationship grew, Eric and Amanda began to become more familiar with each other on a cognitive level. They began to understand not only each other's likes and dislikes, but also the reasons behind these. Eric's first serious relationship, when he was 19 years old, ended badly. His partner deceived him with another man, and hence he is wary of letting Amanda go out with single male friends, particularly if these persons are from previous romantic attachments.

Amanda in turn likes time to plan dinner parties and other events thoroughly, and therefore likes to be informed well ahead of time when these will be required. The effect of this cognitive learning process is that Eric and Amanda became increasingly familiar and comfortable with each other.

Although the initial biological aspect has diminished, it was still very much part of the relationship, which had matured to be based upon a more lasting concept of love rather than just

being "in love" or being initially attracted to each other on a biological level. In this way, they have become familiar with each other's behavioral traits and the reasons behind these traits.

Psychodynamic aspects (Cherry, 2010) did play a role since the beginning of the relationship, but became significant only while Eric and Amanda were learning about each other on a cognitive level. Eric's fundamental insecurity regarding Amanda's relationships with other men stem not only from his first disappointment, but also from the fact that his mother abandoned him as a baby. Raised by his father and stepmother, who did provide him with plenty of love and security, Eric always experienced a sense of loss and abandonment from the female gender. This broken mother-child relationship, reinforced by his disappointment at 19, has informed his relationships in later life.

Amanda in turn did not have traumatic childhood experiences. Her parents are still together and provided her with plenty of love and security during her formative years. She is therefore finding it difficult to truly relate to Eric's situation. However, her background has provided her with a deep sense of sympathy for her fellow human beings, and she has used this to provide her with a cognitive understanding of Eric's situation.

In terms of the sociocultural perspective, Eric and Amanda's relationship is quite typical of the romantic dynamic for people between 20 and 30 years old. They had an apartment together and regularly engaged in intercourse. When the relationship started, they were each keenly aware of their single status. Most of their friends were in relationships, and hence they felt somewhat excluded from their social circle.

During their relationship, Eric and Amanda regularly enjoyed evenings out with friends, most of whom were also in relationships. The sociocultural perspective here then dictates that, as young, relatively attractive people, both Eric and Amanda are expected to be in relationships.

The partners enjoyed a relatively stable relationship for approximately three years. However, after about two and a half years, Eric began suggesting that they get married. Amanda did not have a specific problem with getting married. However, because she was just establishing her bookshop, she did not feel up to having children right away. Eric on the other hand felt that he wanted to begin with a family right away, as he was just entering his thirties, and he did not want to wait too long.