Raising Children to Become Good

Raising Children to Become Good People

The library is full of books about what creates a child who is curious and motivated to learn. Graeber (1998) points out that because most people fall in the "average" intelligence range, genes are not as crucial to intelligence as environment. Surprisingly, at a time when daycare is almost universally accepted as just as good, Zuckerman (1997) argues that there is no substitute for a caring parent in the intellectual development of a child. "The sight, sound, touch, smell, and especially, the intense involvement, through language and eye contact, of parent and child affect the number and sophistication of links within the brain" (p. 92). Zuckerman goes on to say, "What children need is the touching, holding, cooing, rocking, and stimulation that come traditionally from a mother [or stay-at-home father]" (p. 92).

The full development of language skills seems to be crucial to raising a child that wonders (Graeber, 1998). Language stimulates intelligence. Research shows "the number of words parents use with their infants and toddlers directly affects not only their vocabulary but even their IQ scores in childhood...at age 3, those who scored highest on IQ and language tests had heard the greatest number of words: about 2,150 words per hour in the most talkative homes vs. only about 620 an hour in the least verbal ones" (p. 134). Apparently, children whose parents talk to them develop a mindset -- they automatically wonder what words mean and how they can use them. Adequate sleep, breakfast, and music lessons, which develop understanding of spatial concepts and patterns, also contribute to higher IQs, especially in math and science.

Of course, everyone knows that the world desperately needs intelligent people who can find solutions to complex problems, but just as importantly the world needs people who are moral, honest, and kind to others, that want to make the world a better place. How do we teach children to make intelligent decisions based on positive values? Three important aspects of child rearing are teaching by example, helping children to recognize their emotions, and story telling (Slater, 2002).

If we want our kids to be good people, we have to model good behavior ourselves (Slater, 2002). Values such as integrity, empathy, and responsibility can only be taught by example. We have show respect if we want them to be respectful, and we must be polite to them if we want them to be polite. If we want kids to be tidy and respect other people's property, we must show them that's what we do. Good people need good behavior to copy when they are kids

Just as important as positive role models, kids need to learn to control their emotions in order to become moral adults (Slater, 2002). To learn this, children must become aware of their feelings and able to identify their emotions. Until a child is able to say how he or she feels -- and to differentiate among a wide variety of human emotions -- he or she won't be able to understand others. Understanding others is crucial to developing empathy; that is, knowing how others feel about things. Compassion comes when empathy develops. Young children can learn to identify feelings by looking at pictures that reveal happiness, anger, sadness, etc. The parent or caregiver can point these out and also comment on the child's feelings as they arise. "You look sad. Is it because you have to stop playing and take a nap now?" natural structure for socialization and formation of good character is the story. Children need exposure to stories with moral messages -- in books, video, and from a parent's own life. When I was 12 I read a book called "The Secret Garden" that was full of good ideas for development of moral character. These ideas were not "preachy-teachy" but built into the fabric of the story. Young children still love "The Little Engine that Could," and the lesson of believing in oneself and not giving up is as important and meaningful today as it was in the 1940s when the book was written. Slater (2002) suggests making an interactive game out of reading stories. Close the book just before the story ends and ask the child to tell what he or she thinks will happen. This helps to develop imagination and also awareness of consequences.