Difficulties managing a problematic coworker in an academic laboratory

Difficulties With Sam, a Putative Aspd Personality

Difficult Personalities

When I was an undergraduate student I worked in a psychology laboratory doing odd menial tasks, which nevertheless required remaining aware of the safety issues common to a room filled with potentially carcinogenic and poisonous chemicals. I had to go through a period of training and after a few months began to be trusted enough that I was allowed to perform actual experiments under direct supervision. What a blast! During my second year working in this laboratory, a new work study student (Sam) was hired by the principal investigator to assist me and the other personnel in the laboratory. The principal investigator explained that I had been doing such a good job for so little money they decided to take a chance on hiring another work study student.

The responsibility for training Sam naturally fell on my shoulders, since my time was the least valuable and I was already familiar with what needed to be done. As I began to show Sam how to clean the laboratory dishes and explained why everything had to be rinsed at least three times before being left to dry, he began to find fault with what was required of him. At first I assumed that maybe Sam had worked in a laboratory before and was more knowledgeable than I, but more senior members of the laboratory explained to me in private that Sam was simply being lazy. With this realization, I became angry because the validity of my data and everyone else's was being compromised by the residual detergent being left on the glassware. This anger grew as I began to re-rinse the glassware after Sam had left work. I began to watch Sam while he washed the dishes, which made him uncomfortable and angry. At one point he exploded in anger, throwing a dish into the sink where it shattered, sending bits all over the room, and then ordered me to wash the dishes if I was so worried about residual detergent. Our confrontations became more common after that explosion.

Over a period of weeks, Sam began to avoid me altogether, even though I was technically his direct supervisor. It was my responsibility to assign tasks to him, but it became increasingly difficult as he would cozy up to others in the laboratory as soon as he reported for work, if and when he reported to work on time. Several times I caught Sam idly surfing the internet on one of the laboratory computers and tried to give him an assignment, but his response clearly communicated that he did not consider me his supervisor. In laboratory meetings he began to act as if he was my supervisor by occasionally suggesting assignments for me to do. At first my coworkers seemed shocked and looked at me to get a feel for what was occurring, but eventually everyone learned to simply ignore such statements.

I was not the only one who got into heated arguments with Sam, but our disagreements were by far the most common. I began to suspect that Sam felt I was an obstacle to advancement, a salary increase, and a glowing recommendation letter, because of my seniority and experience. There were even one or two times that he indirectly threatened me physically, such as mentioning that he knew where I lived. After I informed my supervisor about some of the worst confrontations and threats, Sam was told that the laboratory was short on funding and he would not be rehired for the following semester. Sam never made it to the end of the semester because he simply stopped showing up. The last day anyone saw him was also the same day the dishwashing sink was left filled with dishes and overflowing with water. Some of the dishes in the sink were radioactive, which meant we had to call radiation safety to help us manage the cleanup. What a mess!

Informed Strategies for Handling the Sam's of the World

O'Donohue (2011) recommends avoiding persons with ASPD if at all possible, especially if you begin to feel unsafe. I could not avoid Sam without shirking my duties as his supervisor, so this option was not available to me at the time. When I reported the indirect threats of physical violence to my supervisors, they believed me, but could do little because Sam made sure that no one else was around when he made the threats. They did, however, inform Sam that his services would no longer be needed at the end of the semester. In a sense, this was a delayed form of avoidance that was conferred to me by my employer.

The second recommendation by O'Donohue (2011) is to be assertive, especially for people who are unable to avoid an ASPD. I was assertive, repeatedly, but taking this approach often led to angry confrontations as O'Donohue paradoxically warns. O'Donohue suggests that another way to handle ASPDs who are difficult to escape and respond poorly to assertive behavior, is to be manipulative. A dose of manipulation, according to O'Donohue, can go a long way if this strategy can be stomached. I have always had a hard time being manipulative for very long, which may explain why I never tried this strategy on Sam.

Probably the most useful advice O'Donohue (2011) provides is to accept that Sam was incapable of changing. As I began to realize that Sam was going to be a significant source of stress in my life, his mere presence or sighting would cause my blood pressure to rise. In a way, Sam was controlling how I experienced my time on campus.

If I had learned to accept that Sam was not going to change, or cared little about me and the trouble he was causing, the heated confrontations would have ended because I would have learned to walk away. There were times that I sensed Sam was deliberately baiting me into arguments in order to damage my reputation with my coworkers. In addition, I should have been more forthcoming with my supervisors about my experiences with Sam because my word would have carried some weight. Doing so might have minimized how much suffering Sam eventually caused to everyone in the laboratory, because it would have put them on alert. This might have occurred to me if I hadn't been so caught up in the emotional reactions I was having to Sam's behavior. Accepting that Sam was incapable of changing might have made the difference.

After reading O'Donohue's (2011) detailed portrayal of an NPD, Sam doesn't seem to fit neatly within this personality type. I never had the impression that Sam believed he was better than anyone else. Quite the contrary, it seemed like all the lies, deceit, scheming, manipulation, and charm represented compensation for felt inferiority. There were several moments when it felt like Sam actually seemed to believe I was superior to him, a realization that seemed to trigger agitation and the need to escape me or that realization.

Conclusions

The advice O'Donohue (2011) provides for coping with difficult personalities like Sam would have been helpful. While I couldn't have avoided Sam without shirking my responsibilities to my employer and my coworkers, I can see how it would have been productive to simply accept that Sam's personality could not change. The level of my suffering, and that of my coworkers, might have been minimized with this advice.