How to Respond to the Emotional Needs of Others

Reflective Listening

1
Feeling: Regret/remorse
Empathic response: “Sometimes it’s not so important that we go back and try to change things, but rather that we look forward with that same desire. Use that regret to make the rest of your life better. It’s actually a good thing to feel that way. It shows that you are aware and have developed a deeper understanding of things. A lot of people don’t attain that level of awareness.”

2
Feeling: Frightened/anxious/traumatized
Empathic response: “The important thing to remember is that you’re here now and safe. You have a lot of good things in your life and your experience, for whatever reason, may have been allowed to happen to help you see things afresh. Do you ever feel like things in your life, people, places appear to you in a new light since your accident? If you do, that may be an indication that you were taking them for granted before. Maybe there is a reason all of this happened.”

3
Feeling: Angry
Empathic response: “Yes, but perhaps there is something here that we are missing. He may have had a reason—at least in his own mind—for what he did. Did you ever think that perhaps he was trying to help? Maybe he thought he would be doing a nice thing for you by trimming your lawn. The stones hitting the car could have been an accident that he did not intend to do. It’s best not to make judgments so quickly because it really could be a simple misunderstanding. Yes, he could have asked before he did it. Yes, he might’ve paid more attention to what he was doing. But he may have actually had good intentions—that’s all I’m saying. We should really try to get to know him better and not allow bad blood to fester, don’t you think?”

4
Feeling: Scared/anxious
Empathic response: “Being pregnant is a beautiful thing: you are bringing new life into the world. The plans that we make in life are always subject to change. You know, I made plans to be a doctor—but that got derailed when my dad got sick and he needed someone to take over the business for him. I always had my heart set on medical school, but family came first. Then my sister had her first baby and I was there to help out with that. If I had been at away at med school I realize I would have missed so much. Life takes us in surprising directions, ways we never imagined for ourselves—and that can be frightening, because we can’t picture what’s going to happen next or how we will get through the next chapter. Really it’s all about how we respond to this moment though—not what we set in store for ourselves next year or the year after that. It’s about making the right decisions and taking responsibility. You’re now in a position that some women only dream of. You may not have dreamt of it yourself, but that’s okay. We don’t always have to envision our future for ourselves. Sometimes life comes along and gives us a new roadmap in time. For now we follow the signs that we’re given and make the best of what we have. You’re in a great position, believe it or not: you have friends and family who love and care for you—and they will help you no matter what. Don’t forget!”