Reflective Listening for Social Work

I 1 Feeling: False Empathetic Response: It sounds like he was really making you feel false; I know that can be very frustrating—especially when you’re being honest…it’s just not what they want to hear. 2 Feeling: Infuriated Empathetic Response: You certainly have a right to infuriated: those things were very important to you.

3 Feeling: Anxious Empathetic Response: It’s okay to be anxious: a lot of people feel that about a move—will the next be place be as nice as my last? 4 Feeling: Punished Empathetic Response: Yes, it is almost as if you are being punished for his faults. What we have to remember, however, is that—at this point—we are not thinking about fairness but rather about safety. We’ll get to fairness, but first things first.

II 1 Feeling: Contrite Empathetic Response: Clearly you’re contrite about mistakes made in the past… 2 Feeling: Distressed Empathetic Response: Your ordeal has distressed you, that’s very normal… 3 Feeling: Bitter Empathetic Response: Yes, he did do that, and it is important to remember, but it is also important to keep our lives from becoming bitter. 4 Feeling: Shocked Empathetic Response: Your shock is very natural—it is a great surprise, but it also has its great joys.

III 1 Feeling: Afraid Empathetic Response: What he has done would make anyone afraid. 2 Feeling: Outraged Empathetic Response: Their treatment of him was deplorable and your outrage shows that you care. 3 Feeling: Ecstatic Empathetic Response: Your accomplishment is indeed something to be ecstatic about—now let’s buckle down and keep it rolling. 4 Feeling: Bleak Empathetic Response: That situation sounds very bleak indeed: your home is not like you remember it when you were little and everyone is going in different directions, feeling angry at one another and hurt.

IV 1 Feeling: Worried Empathetic Response: It’s okay to be worried, but if you’ve prepared, sometimes your mind will find the right answer even if you yourself aren’t sure: it’s like putting it into autopilot. 2 Feeling: Ticked off Empathetic Response: Their behavior is reprehensible and would tick any good person off.

3 Feeling: Lacking Empathetic Response: He did say he wants to be buddies, and just because your swim skills might be lacking doesn’t mean he’d change his mind: perhaps he wants to be buddies by helping you improve your swim skills. 4 Feeling: Discouraged Empathetic Response: Yes, it all sounds discouraging.

I wonder why the teacher gave the other student the tutor and not you? V 1 Feeling: Mixed up Empathetic Response: It is a situation that would make anyone mixed up: one person you trust telling you one thing, and others telling you another. Both have your best interests in mind yet see two very different ways to get to the goal that everyone wants.

So what do you think would be best? 2 Feeling: Content Empathetic Response: It’s good to know that kind of contentment: it lets us really appreciate life and those around us a lot more than if we never experience it, don’t you think? Then it shows us how we can turn around and show that same kind of love to others. 3 Feeling: Confounded Empathetic Response: You’re right, it is fair that such a short statement can feel confounding.

I should have explained in more detail to show what I meant. 4 Feeling: Shaky Empathetic Response: Anytime we change our habits, it can make us a little shaky—but sometimes our bodies tell us it’s time for a change—and that means it’s time to listen to them and hear what they are saying. We might try to fool ourselves sometimes, you know, but our bodies never lie: they are very direct. VI 1 Feeling: Troubled Empathetic Response: You are troubled.