Reflective Listening for Social Work

I
1 Feeling: False
Empathetic Response: It sounds like he was really making you feel false; I know that can be very frustrating—especially when you’re being honest…it’s just not what they want to hear.
2 Feeling: Infuriated
Empathetic Response: You certainly have a right to infuriated: those things were very important to you.
3 Feeling: Anxious
Empathetic Response: It’s okay to be anxious: a lot of people feel that about a move—will the next be place be as nice as my last?
4 Feeling: Punished
Empathetic Response: Yes, it is almost as if you are being punished for his faults. What we have to remember, however, is that—at this point—we are not thinking about fairness but rather about safety. We’ll get to fairness, but first things first.

II
1 Feeling: Contrite
Empathetic Response: Clearly you’re contrite about mistakes made in the past…
2 Feeling: Distressed
Empathetic Response: Your ordeal has distressed you, that’s very normal…
3 Feeling: Bitter
Empathetic Response: Yes, he did do that, and it is important to remember, but it is also important to keep our lives from becoming bitter.
4 Feeling: Shocked
Empathetic Response: Your shock is very natural—it is a great surprise, but it also has its great joys.

III
1 Feeling: Afraid
Empathetic Response: What he has done would make anyone afraid.
2 Feeling: Outraged
Empathetic Response: Their treatment of him was deplorable and your outrage shows that you care.
3 Feeling: Ecstatic
Empathetic Response: Your accomplishment is indeed something to be ecstatic about—now let’s buckle down and keep it rolling.
4 Feeling: Bleak
Empathetic Response: That situation sounds very bleak indeed: your home is not like you remember it when you were little and everyone is going in different directions, feeling angry at one another and hurt.

IV
1 Feeling: Worried
Empathetic Response: It’s okay to be worried, but if you’ve prepared, sometimes your mind will find the right answer even if you yourself aren’t sure: it’s like putting it into autopilot.
2 Feeling: Ticked off
Empathetic Response: Their behavior is reprehensible and would tick any good person off.
3 Feeling: Lacking
Empathetic Response: He did say he wants to be buddies, and just because your swim skills might be lacking doesn’t mean he’d change his mind: perhaps he wants to be buddies by helping you improve your swim skills.
4 Feeling: Discouraged
Empathetic Response: Yes, it all sounds discouraging. I wonder why the teacher gave the other student the tutor and not you?

V
1 Feeling: Mixed up
Empathetic Response: It is a situation that would make anyone mixed up: one person you trust telling you one thing, and others telling you another. Both have your best interests in mind yet see two very different ways to get to the goal that everyone wants. So what do you think would be best?
2 Feeling: Content
Empathetic Response: It’s good to know that kind of contentment: it lets us really appreciate life and those around us a lot more than if we never experience it, don’t you think? Then it shows us how we can turn around and show that same kind of love to others.
3 Feeling: Confounded
Empathetic Response: You’re right, it is fair that such a short statement can feel confounding. I should have explained in more detail to show what I meant.
4 Feeling: Shaky
Empathetic Response: Anytime we change our habits, it can make us a little shaky—but sometimes our bodies tell us it’s time for a change—and that means it’s time to listen to them and hear what they are saying. We might try to fool ourselves sometimes, you know, but our bodies never lie: they are very direct.

VI
1 Feeling: Troubled
Empathetic Response: You are troubled by their report: they are saying you were drunk driving yet you know better than to do that.
2 Feeling: Incapable
Empathetic Response: You feel incapable of giving your son the care he needs, unable to cope with his outbursts and reactions.
3 Feeling: Fearful
Empathetic Response: You are fearful because of what happened in the past and you don’t want those things to be repeated.
4 Feeling: Ostracized
Empathetic Response: Your teacher and peers have demonstrated a willingness to ostracize you, to cut you off—but maybe that was unintentional on their part. Maybe if you show that you are not going to be turned off by their bad behavior, they will come to realize how wrong they were.