Why Don't We Listen Better? Communicating & Connecting in Relationships by James C. Petersen
A: Summarize

Given that human beings are social creatures that routinely engage in verbal and symbolic forms of communication, the relevance of learning the essentials of effective communication cannot be overstated (Housel, 2001). Why Don't We Listen Better? Communicating & Connecting in Relationships is an amazing book that essentially demystifies the art of active listening. The overriding message that the book seeks to present is that via the development of better listening skills, an individual can improve the way he relates with others. Throughout the book, Petersen makes use of a humorous tone to simplify various techniques that readers could apply in practical settings to further enhance their listening skills. For instance, in seeking to teach readers how to ignore the urge to interrupt others mid-sentence, the author recommends the “teeth marks in the tongue” approach. In this case, listeners can restrain themselves from interjecting by biting their tongue. His presentation of this concept is rather humorous and simplistic. However, thanks to an approach of this nature, meaningful concepts are likely to remain with the user for a longer period of time. One of the concepts I found most effective as far as the promotion of listening and talking (and thus communication) skills is concerned is the Talker-Listener Card (TLC). In essence, the card encourages and advances the need to ‘listen first and talk second.’ Thanks to the TLC, each person can play a role that actively promotes the communication process, i.e. by eliminating unstructured arguments. This is just but one of the essential tools highlighted in a book that presents a wide range of techniques meant to boost readers’ listening skills, and hence improve their relationships.

B: Respond

There are numerous parts of this book that largely relate to my growth and development in the midst of relationships. This is particularly the case in reference to the book’s how to listen better: technique #6. According to Petersen, in seeking to further master our listening techniques, we ought to decode messages by confirming their actual meaning from the talker’s perspective. Towards this end, the author recommends saying, “what I heard you say was (fill it in)”… and then asking, “is what I heard when you meant…”

In my opinion, the relevance of the decode technique cannot be overrated in intimate relationships. This is more so the case given that I have in the past found myself misinterpreting my husband’s messages – particularly whenever we are not...…understanding.

While patience is of great relevance in the ‘listen first, talk second’ realm, understanding comes in handy in seeking to deceiver the actual meaning of the spoken words of others and having the courage to seek their true meaning by way of making insightful enquiries. It is important to note that just as is the case with other undertakings in life that require us to adapt our behaviors, developing the appropriate listening skills and applying them in real-life settings is likely to be a process that demands some sacrifices. For this reason, I am fully aware that in addition to discipline, I will be required to have an unwavering focus. Perseverance is also of the essence.

In the past, I have found out that habits are easy to pick up, but hard to sustain. In the final analysis, the relevance of prayer in this whole endeavor cannot be overstated. I will be seeking Devine intervention so that I can effectively pull this through. In so doing, I resign to the fact that without the help of our Father in heaven, most of our undertakings here on earth may not necessarily succeed. Here, I am further motivated and guided by the fact that this is an undertaking that will bring me closer…