Why Don t We Listen Better Book Review

Why Don't We Listen Better? Communicating & Connecting in Relationships by James C. Petersen A: Summarize Given that human beings are social creatures that routinely engage in verbal and symbolic forms of communication, the relevance of learning the essentials of effective communication cannot be overstated (Housel, 2001). Why Don't We Listen Better? Communicating & Connecting in Relationships is an amazing book that essentially demystifies the art of active listening.

The overriding message that the book seeks to present is that via the development of better listening skills, an individual can improve the way he relates with others. Throughout the book, Petersen makes use of a humorous tone to simplify various techniques that readers could apply in practical settings to further enhance their listening skills. For instance, in seeking to teach readers how to ignore the urge to interrupt others mid-sentence, the author recommends the “teeth marks in the tongue” approach.

In this case, listeners can restrain themselves from interjecting by biting their tongue. His presentation of this concept is rather humorous and simplistic. However, thanks to an approach of this nature, meaningful concepts are likely to remain with the user for a longer period of time. One of the concepts I found most effective as far as the promotion of listening and talking (and thus communication) skills is concerned is the Talker-Listener Card (TLC).

In essence, the card encourages and advances the need to ‘listen first and talk second.’ Thanks to the TLC, each person can play a role that actively promotes the communication process, i.e. by eliminating unstructured arguments. This is just but one of the essential tools highlighted in a book that presents a wide range of techniques meant to boost readers’ listening skills, and hence improve their relationships.

B: Respond There are numerous parts of this book that largely relate to my growth and development in the midst of relationships. This is particularly the case in reference to the book’s how to listen better: technique #6. According to Petersen, in seeking to further master our listening techniques, we ought to decode messages by confirming their actual meaning from the talker’s perspective.

Towards this end, the author recommends saying, “what I heard you say was (fill it in)”… and then asking, “is what I heard when you meant…” In my opinion, the relevance of the decode technique cannot be overrated in intimate relationships. This is more so the case given that I have in the past found myself misinterpreting my husband’s messages – particularly whenever we are not in good terms.

In one such instance, I requested him to run some errands for me and his response was “I’ll be busy all day.” As per my understanding at the time, he had effectively (and perhaps rudely) turned my polite request down. I ended up spending the rest of the day angry at him and declined to pick his calls after he left for work. Upon his return home later in the evening, he asked me whether he could run the said errands the next day.

To cut the long story short, his response in the morning had been more of “I’m extremely busy today, but perhaps I can help you out tomorrow.” Thanks to that experience, and after reading Petersen’s book, I’m now more appreciative of the need to seek out the talker’s actual intention.

In the example highlighted above, I should perhaps have asked, “do you mean to say that at this moment you cannot help, but will be willing to help out later – perhaps tomorrow?” Towards this end, Petersen is of the opinion that “when what someone says makes you feel defensive (thud), try decode and find out what the message the person is really trying to convey.” C: Reflect Reading this particular book was an enlightening experience for me.

This is more so the case when it comes to the further enhancement of my understanding of the essence of interpersonal relationships and the need to always be considerate of the person on the other end of the conversation. For instance, I have in the past found myself in conversations I deem boring. In an attempt to perhaps save time, I now realize I may have been too impolite in my attempts to ‘eject’ from the said engagements.

As a matter of fact, in his presentation of the teeth marks in the tongue, Petersen observes that in some instances, there is that urge to utter a “that reminds me…” kind of statement in an attempt to end a conversation. This example typically describes my disposition in most conversations. I realize that I tend to be a little bit impatient – which is something that I ought to fix so as to better relate with others and demonstrate respect for their insights and points of view.

Also, after reading the book, I realized how easy it is to be condemnatory even without sufficient facts in a conversational setting. God warns us against being judgmental. Petersen proposes that readers ought to develop the skill of listening without agreeing. According to Petersen, listeners are often exposed to the pressure to confirm whatever it is that the person doing the talking presents. In some cases, talkers indirectly demand confirmatory responses from the listener.

To counteract the urge to join in when we are unsure of the facts at hand, i.e. when the talker is badmouthing another person, Peterson points out that we must refocus our attention to listening, as opposed to thinking (and thus offering our contribution). This is a technique I realize could come in handy in an attempt to minimize our participation in lynching-like behaviors.

D: Act In seeking to be like Christ, I am dedicated to be more considerate of other people – owing to the realization that their needs, desires, and aspirations are just as important as mine are. I intend to make this transformation by becoming a better listener. It is also important to note that I am fully aware of the fact that it is via effective listening that we fully appreciate the need of others in such a way that we can be able to offer meaningful insight.

All these I intend to achieve by way of being more patient and understanding. While patience is of great relevance in the ‘listen first, talk second’ realm, understanding comes in handy in seeking to deceiver the.