How Divorce Shapes American Culture and Family Life

Introduction: Marriage and Divorce in America

Marriage is one of the most popular and venerable institutions in American society. Little girls grow up dreaming of their "perfect" wedding, gay and lesbian couples fight for the right to legally marry, and fathers dream of walking their daughters down the aisle someday. However, marriage is changing in America, and divorce — once almost unheard of historically — has become much more prevalent. As a group of writers note, "Marriage in America has changed a great deal over the past two generations, including increased incidence and social acceptance of divorce, cohabitation, premarital sex, and unwed childbearing" (Doherty et al. 4). In fact, marriages declined in 2005, but divorces also declined to the lowest rate since 1970 — something positive about a very negative subject (Editors). Divorce can influence every aspect of a person's life. It has a very powerful effect on American culture because it frames the way people live, work, and relate to others, and it influences just about every aspect of how people view themselves and American culture at large.

Men and women view marriage and divorce differently, and these events affect them differently as well. While many men may be hesitant to marry and give up their "freedom," men tend to actually thrive in committed relationships. One journal author notes, "Men do seem to benefit simply from the state of being married. Married men enjoy better health and longevity and fewer psychological and behavioral problems than single men" (Hetherington). Women tend to do well in good marriages, but in bad marriages they can suffer from a variety of health problems, from depression to immune-system breakdowns (Hetherington). Often, parents stay together when there are children involved, hoping to raise them in a more stable environment, but the marriage can become so difficult that the children suffer regardless. All of these aspects of marriage and divorce combine to create a very complex issue that affects families and American culture in a variety of ways.

Social Networks and Community Ties

When a couple divorces, it affects each partner and their family, but it also affects other aspects of their lives. Usually, a couple develops a social network of friends and family throughout their marriage. When a couple divorces, that social network changes, with some friends and family siding with the husband and others with the wife, no matter how amicable the divorce may be. Hetherington observes, "Ex-spouses typically must cope with lingering attachments; with resentment and anger, self-doubts, guilt, depression, and loneliness; with the stress of separation from children or of raising them alone; and with the loss of social networks" (Hetherington). Thus, the social networks of both partners shift, and they may lose support from people close to them, with disastrous results. Without the support of friends, they may face more difficulties adjusting to the divorce, and the cultural implications are significant.

In American society, friends and relatives are basic to happiness and security, and the loss of these social networks can lead to a variety of problems, from depression to health-related issues. This affects the culture of the nation, as society must deal with the aftermath of divorces by creating healthcare and wellness support systems, groups to assist the divorcing partners, and counseling to help friends and family cope. Divorce does not just affect the partners — it affects those around them. With rampant divorce, it fosters disillusionment with marriage rather than encouraging people to make their marriages work. The culture of America is still built on marriage as the foundation of the family, and undermining the family unit helps erode American cultural foundations as well.

Effects of Divorce on Children

Perhaps the biggest effect on society and American culture that divorce produces is the harm it causes to the children of divorced parents. Children suffer because they may believe they caused the divorce, and they suffer in numerous ways that ripple through society and culture. Hetherington notes, "Both young children and adolescents in divorced and remarried families have been found to have, on average, more social, emotional, academic, and behavioral problems than kids in two-parent, non-divorced families" (Hetherington). This means that American culture is altered when the "intact" family disintegrates, and society must develop ways to support children who are struggling emotionally and behaviorally.

These difficulties can affect children's entire lives. Studies indicate that children carry the emotional weight of divorce with them, and it can affect their relationships, their jobs, and just about every other aspect of their lives. Two researchers note, "Children of divorced parents more frequently demonstrate a diminished learning capacity, performing more poorly than their peers from intact two-parent families in reading, spelling, and math. They have higher dropout rates and lower rates of college graduation" (Fagan and Rector). This affects the entire culture of the country, producing a segment of society that is underprepared for adulthood, for the demands of the workforce, and for raising their own families. If enough children of divorce carry these poor foundations into adulthood, the culture of the country will change — relationships may not seem as important to these children, and maintaining the foundations of society may not seem as important either. Studies indicate that children of divorced parents tend to want fewer or no children, are more likely to live together rather than marry, and expect their own marriages to end in divorce (Fagan and Rector) — attitudes that could change the very culture of America if the numbers of children from divorced families continue to rise.

Statistics show that sixty-three percent of children in the U.S. grow up with both parents, the lowest proportion in the Western world (Editors). This is a startling statistic, and if these numbers continue to shift as they have been, it could permanently alter the culture of marriage and family in America.

It is often difficult for children to adjust to living with only one parent and to cope with all the disruptions of divorce. One group of authors notes, "Coping with continuing conflict between the parents and divided loyalty was particularly taxing for many children. Some, especially boys, regretted the more limited access they had with their non-resident fathers" (Butler et al. 188). Children also face numerous other disruptions, from changing schools to adjusting to a new home, new schedules, and parents who must now work in ways they did not before. Another group of researchers notes, "It is well documented that divorce often involves a wide array of disruptions or stressors, including increased fights between parents, exposure to parental distress, changes in residence and schools, involvement with parents' new partners, and loss of time with one or both parents" (Wolchik, Tein, Sandler, and Doyle). Thus, children tend to suffer the most from divorce, and they grow up with many challenges. Their views on family and marriage may become persistently negative, with the potential to alter American culture if those attitudes become widespread.