¶ … Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

To make the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich, you will need one jar of peanut butter -- creamy or crunchy, depending on your preference (as a snack, I prefer the creamy, but for meals the crunchy gives the sandwich a more substantial feel), as well as one jar of strawberry (yes, strawberry only) jelly, two slices of white bread (crusts on), and a standard butter knife.

Start by placing the two slice of bread side-by-side on a plate, counter, or other surface in front of you. Sandwich making without a surface is possible by shifting the various jars and slice of bread around n your hands and under your arms (when not in use), but this should only be attempted by those already proficient in the basic procedure. So, with the bread in front of you, rounded sides furthest away, begin by opening the jar of peanut butter and using the knife to withdraw at least enough peanut butter to cover the blade with a layer of nutty goodness at least half-an-inch thick. Spread evenly around the left-hand slice of bread, ensuring that it covers the bread right to the very edge. Wipe the knife clean on the other piece of bread, then open the strawberry (YES, strawberry) jelly and take a similar amount of jelly out with the knife. Two or three attempts might be necessary to procure the correct amount. Spread this on the right hand side of the bread, again being careful to cover the slice evenly and completely.

Now for the sandwiching. Though the proper way to eat the sandwich is with the peanut butter side down, flipping the jelly-slice over onto the peanut butter-slice would result in uneven jelly spread. Peanut butter has much lower viscosity, meaning it will spread less during the flipping process. Therefore, flip the peanut butter slice onto the jelly slice, then flip the whole thing, and cut vertically down the middle providing two identical halves.