The counselor/consultant style of the authoritative parent implies attentively and open-mindedly listening to the child's desires without passing judgment initially. For example, if the child wants a pair of designer jeans, the parent can hold off from saying "No" based on initial feelings of exasperation. Instead, the parent might find out if the child is experiencing peer pressure at school with regards to trendy clothing. Knowing that fitting in is a nearly universal need, the authoritative parent would suggest, "You can have those jeans but it would mean that we're not going to Disney World next month/not going out to your favorite restaurant tomorrow / not going to get that video game system you wanted." Framing the child's desire as a choice offers the child a sense of control and responsibility and fosters mature psychological development. The authoritative drill sergeant parent, on the other hand, would say "No!" To the request for designer jeans without consulting the child or addressing his or her concerns about fitting in at school. Moreover, the authoritative parent does not explain to the child reasons for the refusal; the refusal is simply an expression of "I'm the parent and that's the way it is."
Finally, authoritative and authoritarian parents differ in regards to their expression of their own needs, desires, and demands. For example, most children are messy and leave their toys or clothes strewn about the floor of their room if not the whole house. An authoritarian parent might express his or her needs for cleanliness through a reward system such as offering allowance money for chores. However,...
Actively engaging the child in dialogue is the authoritarian parent's main tool with regards to demanding certain behaviors from the child. Authoritarian parents, on the other hand, act like a drill sergeant would, such as by sternly or loudly demanding that the child perform a certain duty. The authoritative parent uses rank as the reasoning behind the demand and unlike the authoritarian parent, does not explain, reason, or engage the child in conversation.
Authoritative and authoritarian parenting styles differ greatly, especially in regards to disciplining unwanted behavior, responding to the child's needs, and demanding desirable behaviors. The main difference between authoritarian and authoritative parents is that the authoritarian approaches the child as a counselor or consultant. The authoritarian parent offers the child choices and rationally explains situations. As a result, the child feels more mature and is encouraged to make behavioral changes on his or her own initiative. The authoritative parent acts like a drill sergeant. Instead of using reason or rationality, the authoritarian parent reacts with sternness and unyielding strictness. The authoritative parent does not tolerate misbehavior and does not explain his or her demands to the child by any means other than pulling rank. Understanding the differences between these two parenting styles can help new parents or seasoned ones learn how to improve their approach and foster their child's optimal development.
