1. Being Aware of Emotions
Because the counselor’s work depends on emotionally connecting with others, it is important to maintain strict vigilance of one’s own emotions, particularly emotions that correspond to those expressed by clients. Learning to read emotional cues in self and others is an essential emotional intelligence strategy I will incorporate into my work. Starting with myself, being aware of emotions means first tuning into the body. Emotions manifest first as physiological responses to some type of trigger—triggers that include our own thoughts. Instead of labeling the physiological response prematurely, I can simply notice that response for what it is and reframe it with clear intent to unpack what the response represents and how I can manage that response effectively.
When working with others, I can pay attention to both verbal and nonverbal communication cues. Being aware of myself and others helps build my confidence as a professional, which in turn makes me more effective and competent as a counselor (Prikhidko & Swank, 2016). It takes time to develop skills in this area, which is why I need to actively listen in all social situations. Watching the expressions on people’s faces, and listening to their tone of voice are some ways I can become more aware of the emotions expressed beyond what the person is saying in words—thereby allowing for a deeper active listening experience.
2. Identifying Own Emotions
Another critical component of emotional intelligence is learning how to identify emotions, naming them, and therefore having greater control over them. First, I need to develop a sort of personal emotional lexicon. Each person experiences or perceives emotional responses in different ways, so I need to identify what feeling angry, frustrated, or upset feels like specifically and then I can distinguish between different types of emotions. Many seemingly similar emotions can be differentiated through practice and paying attention to our physiological cues. For example, fear, excitement, and anticipation all share features in common. Even sadness and joy have a core of deep feeling that can be explored through meditation and mindfulness exercises.
Among the specific methods I will use to identify my own emotions include continually...
Paying attention to my thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations on a regular basis helps build the habit of self-awareness. It is also important to “attend to process,” observing how I do things so that I can make changes to become more efficient in the future (Martin, Easton, Wilson, et al., 2004, p. 21). Also, I will learn breathing techniques that help me to slow down to take time and tune into my own emotions.
3. Identifying Others’ Emotions
The process of being more emotionally intelligent also depends on learning how to identify the emotions others express in their body, behavior, and words. Becoming better at reading other people’s language, and not making assumptions, is important for a counselor. We need to learn how...…sense of when to remain silent and when to speak up. Expressing anger and other challenging emotions requires great care and being tuned into myself and others. I need to be patient, not reacting immediately to my emotional response, but allowing it to simmer so that i can analyze it rationally before engaging in any outburst. Detaching, reflecting, and processing will help.
To do this, I will journal more actively. I will also talk with my counselors and friends about how I am feeling, asking them for tips on how to improve my communication style when I am in an aroused emotional state. For example, if I sense my heart is racing, I know that means I am upset and it would be best to calm down using breathing and cognitive reframing. Discomfort is an opportunity to explore the root causes of the emotion, and untangle the complex knots of memory and self-concept impeding my ability to see the situation clearly, rationally, and objectively. I also need to move confidently in the direction of positive emotions. Enhancing pleasant emotions requires the ability to cultivate appreciation for those positive states, not fearing that those states will impede my effectiveness as a counselor. I will also learn to distinguish between genuine, productive introspection versus rumination. Rumination is futile, leading to a swamp of dead emotions, whereas effective self-reflection leads to discoveries that I can apply to my daily routine engaging with others and becoming a better counselor.…
