Personal style conflicts and managing workplace differences

1. What is your personal style of conflict? How did you learn that?

I tend to avoid conflict as much as possible, which is not necessarily the best approach. Conflict is natural and inevitable and leaders need to develop strong conflict resolution skills to be successful in their field. I learned to avoid conflict as a child, growing up in a chaotic environment. I sought solitude and peace when possible rather than asking for what I needed directly. This has led to unexpressed needs, resentment, and passive-aggressive behaviors that I would like to change. As Holton (1995) points out, all conflict takes place in situations that require interdependence; otherwise the parties would not have a vested interest in the issue and would be detached. Conflict arises because people have different needs or goals, but need to work with other parties in ways that are mutually beneficial. I am now learning how to handle conflict using less individualism, and less competition, and more cooperation. Individualism would have been an approach I have used in the past, as it coincides with my desire to avoid conflict. Now, I have been working on resolving conflicts using collaboration and cooperation—which in turn requires a sense of humor, a willingness to listen, and patience. I am learning to improve my conflict resolution style by emulating people I admire and working with mentors in the field of education.

2. When have you surprised yourself with how well you handled conflict? How do you account for these instances?

I have been impressed with the ways I have improved handling conflict in my personal and professional life. One occasion, I was upset but used breathing techniques to calm down. By doing this, I resisted the urge to lash out and took my emotions out of the situation as best I could. I focused on the issues, listening closely to what the other person had to say and trying earnestly to understand their point of view. Now that I recognize that conflict occurs when the two parties are on some level required to work interdependently, I realized that it was important to focus on shared goals and mutually beneficial outcomes. I tried to convey the fact that we were both on the same page, and that instead of focusing on the points of difference, we should start by focusing on our commonalities. Doing this helped us to see that we can work together to find a solution.

3. What forms of differences do you personally find most challenging to work with?

I have found that different principles and value systems are the most challenging to work with. When two people are coming at an issue from two entirely different worldviews, it can be most difficult to find common ground. Resolving conflict is easier when the conflicting parties have a shared value system. An example would be having a conversation between a very religious person and an atheist. Ultimately, the two parties would never be able to agree on the overarching existential issues or guiding principles. This is why it can be so difficult to find common ground on ethical debates on issues like abortion or physician-assisted death. To overcome the challenges of working with people with different principles, I believe the only way forward is empathy. Both sides need to at least temporarily adopt the other person’s worldview and see the issue through a different lens. Only by realizing why a person feels or believes what they do is it possible to find the common ground needed to resolve conflict. In a professional setting like higher education, it is easier to resolve conflicts because we are ultimately dealing with an organization that has a mission, vision, and value statement. It can be challenging when others use the “competition-individualism” approach (Holton, 1995, p. 8). On the other hand, we can find solutions in the process of cooperation or using alternative dispute processes (Warters, 1995).





References

Holton, S. (1995). Conflict 101. Conflict Management in Higher Education. Pp 1-10 pdf
Warters, W (1995). Conflict Management in Higher Education A Review of Current. Pp 71-78 pdf