¶ … true measure of a friend is their conduct towards you when you are going through bad times. Being there for your friends is considered the mark of a true friend. Thesis: the best way to be there for someone is to be there with someone, to be "present" with that person. It means sharing in the person's pain or joy or whichever emotion happens to arise while you are with that person.
Recently, a friend of mine dropped out of art school, an endeavor in which he had invested much time, money, and effort. He decided that it was too expensive for what it was giving him. He would have to go back to work full-time and save up money for another artistic endeavor.
Though my friend had a good reason to drop out of art school, he seemed overly upset over the whole affair. He ranted somewhat bitterly about school,...
It seemed as if he wanted to blame everybody but himself for the way things turned out.
My friend might have been dealing with feelings of social inadequacy or career anxiety. However, I did not press him on these issues. Though I am usually annoyed by people who avoid accountability, I sensed here that I had to let go of my own selfish preferences and aversions.
I understood that the best thing I could do as a friend at that moment was to be "present" with him in whatever he was dealing with. One way that "presence" manifests itself is through the act of listening. To truly listen, it is not the type of listening you find in typical conversation, where people evaluate each other's statements and figure out how to respond. This type of listening is more receptive, it…
