Conflict Styles

¶ … Conflict How do I react to conflict? I took the Conflict Style Questionnaire and for the rating on person "A," I had 4 out of five between 15 and 20, which is representative of a "strong style." That is a dear female friend of mine and I tend to say away from strong arguments, hence several number "4's" in that part of the questionnaire. The second person ("B") I included in my rating was a person whom I argue with often, who has an intolerably hard-nosed stand on political and environmental issues.

Otherwise he's a gentleman, a good father and friend, and we go to ballgames together where political issues never are raised. But when we talk about government or the environment, he's quite far to the right. For example, I never try to "split the difference" (#3) because he gets his information on global climate change from a right wing radio personality, and I get my information from the empirical science reported by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC).

There is no splitting the difference when it comes to science and ideology. Frankly, in this matter, I'm informed and he is ill-informed.

What do the results of the questionnaire suggest might be my dominant conflict-management style? Clearly the questionnaire shows me to be a "weak style" on "Avoidance" and "Accommodation" -- and I have an "average" style on "Compromise" and "Collaboration." But these categories don't really reflect the dynamics of encountering conflict with a person who stubbornly holds on to hearsay and the false claims of a right wing radio personality.

For example, number 9, "I usually accommodate the other's wishes": in this case when the gentlemen I have discussions with says that President Obama is a "Muslim" and he says that the Environmental Protection Agency's (EPA) rule that is intended to cut mercury and other pollutants from the smokestacks of coal-fired plants is "executive dictatorship," I will not accommodate that kind of statement.

And number 14, "I give in to other's wishes," I have to say "never" (#1) because this person is so far to the right he cares little about the facts as long as he can mimic what he heard on Fox News or on Rush Limbaugh's radio program. Can you describe a situation in which you utilized the dominate style? On number 23, with my female friend, "give and take" is a way to find common ground, and this is reflected as a strong style.

On number 7, I use my authority (as a researcher and knowledgeable person on contemporary issues) to try and make the decision in my favor (anybody would). Is there another situation when I used a different style? Yes, on #16 I don't keep my disagreements to myself with my right wing friend but I sometimes do with my female friend.

Is there a best style? Probably the best style would not be a "strong style" but rather it would be an "average style," because sometimes using tact and grace is far better than entering into an verbal conflict that nobody can win. What benefits are there for a leader to be aware of and able to use multiple conflict-management styles? The benefits are many, when a person uses tact and a willingness to back down when there is no value in pushing an issue during a conflict.

It's an old cliche, but it is true: pick your fights at the right time for the right reasons. If you're having a discussion with your girlfriend's parents and they strike a chord on an environmental issue that is the.