Counseling couples with infidelity issues

What are some factors that can cause Infidelity? How does these factors typically cause infidelity?
Infidelity is both a cause of marital breakdown and an effect thereof (Previti & Amato, 2004). The causes of infidelity are as innumerable as people themselves. Differential attitudes and outlooks on marriage, issues related to self-concept and self-esteem, perceptions of the marital contract itself and gender roles, and cultural variables can also play into the decision to act on the urge to commit infidelity. When infidelity is viewed through a multifaceted lens that takes into account systemic variables, counselors are in a far better position of being able to help clients working through their infidelity issues: whether they have been acted on yet or not, whether they have been disclosed or not, or whether or not they are precipitating a marital breakdown.
Theoretical viewpoints range from biological to the pathological, with some evidence suggesting that Axis II personality disorders are also a strong factor precipitating marital infidelity (Bagarozzi, 2008). The factors that may also cause infidelity include a breakdown in marital communication, a lack of mutual respect, and even demographic variables including those related to culture and worldview (Bagarozzi, 2008). Unhappiness and overall dissatisfaction, and a devaluation of the normative contract of the marriage are additional issues that could cause infidelity. Whatever the cluster of factors that interact to cause the underlying motivation for the behavior, infidelity can become an insurmountable barrier and is one of the family and marriage therapist’s greatest challenges.
What are the ramifications of infidelity?
Even couples committed to the marriage may experience diminished satisfaction in the relationship following infidelity. Trust is eroded, as is the willingness to work through the overarching problems that could have led to the infidelity in the first place. For example, if the infidelity occurred because one of the individuals struggled with feelings of neglect or low self-esteem, that person may have sought personal satisfaction and gratification through an extramarital affiar. If the affair delivered the desired emotional response, that person might opt to leave the marriage entirely. Ramifications of infidelity can be the most poignant and extreme for individuals with psychological disorders. Therefore, counselors should apply astute diagnostic criteria to help clients with Axis I mood or anxiety disorders that might exacerbate reactions to a partner’s infidelity, or who may also have Axis II personality disorders. Various psychiatric conditions may also predispose some clients towards thinking about infidelity or acting on their urges, participating in risky behaviors such as online dating and virtual sex, which the individual may rationalize away as being not actually indicative of a problem. The counselor can aid clients who are grappling with additional ramifications of infidelity, including ancillary problems communicating with family members, with work-related stress, and with the breakdown of the marriage.
How can a counselor help a couple who is dealing with infidelity?
Infidelity issues are one of the main reasons why couples seek counseling (Bagarozzi, 2008). It is therefore important to consider that each person will define infidelity differently and that it is important to establish ground rules and operationalize the definition for each person and each couple. The counselor of course also works within the established ethical guidelines of the profession, which protect confidentiality. When one member of the dyad discloses infidelity in a private session, the counselor has an obligation to protect that confidentiality while helping both members of the marriage work through their ancillary issues. The only way a counselor can help a couple dealing with an infidelity that has yet to be disclosed is to remain committed to client confidentiality.





References

Bagarozzi, D.A. (2008). Understanding and treating marital infidelity. The American Journal of Family Therapy 36(1): 1-17.
Previti, D. & Amato, P.R. (2004). Is infidelity a cause or a consequence of poor marital quality? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 21(2): 217-230.
Shpancer, N. (2015). The causes of infidelity. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/201507/the-causes-infidelity-players-gonna-play