Mamba Mentality and the Scriptures

Instructing a Child’s Heart: 4MAT Book Review

Abstract

This paper presents a critique of the textbook “Instructing a Child’s Heart” by Tedd and Margy Tripp, using the 4MAT Book Review system. The review begins with a concrete response to the book, followed by a reflection on the strengths and weaknesses of the authors' approach to parenting. The paper concludes with actionable steps that parents can take based on the book's teachings. These steps include educating the heart, creating a family culture of grace, applying discipline wisely as Scripture teaches to do, and being a personal example of growth and spiritual love for the child to see and follow.

Concrete Response

“Instructing a Child’s Heart” is a practical guide for parents who want to teach their children biblical values and principles. The book is divided into three parts, each focusing on a specific aspect of parenting: foundations—i.e., the “call to formative instruction,” heart-directed methods—i.e., the substance of that same formative instruction, and practical applications—i.e., how-to steps that parents can take in their everyday lives, focusing discipline, teaching consequences, how to balance correction with care, and so on.[footnoteRef:1] This is why the book can aptly be described as a practical—almost field-use—guide to parenting with a care to for the heart of the child, where the Word of God must take root. The authors begin by emphasizing the importance of a strong foundation in God’s Word and the necessity of parents’ own spiritual growth. They then provide practical tools for cultivating a child’s heart and addressing heart issues such as pride, anger, and disobedience. [1: Tripp, Tedd, and Margy Tripp. Instructing a child's heart. Wapwallopen^ ePA PA: Shepherd Press, 2008.]

One of the strengths of the book is the authors' emphasis on the importance of the heart in parenting. They make the case that behavior modification alone is not enough and that true change comes from a transformed heart. The Tripps also provide practical tools for helping children understand their hearts and identify the root issues that drive their behavior. These tools include the parents’ own example of love and the excellent resources provided in Scripture. For instance, the Tripps argue that behavior is often a reflection of what is going on in a child's heart, whether it is a desire for control, a need for attention, a struggle with anger or jealousy, or any number of other issues. Instead of just addressing the behavior, parents need to take the time to understand what is going on in their child's heart and help them respond to those issues with biblical wisdom and grace. Parents are to model the wisdom of Scripture so that children can see it. If they cannot see it in their parents, they will have a hard time seeing it in their own minds and hearts.

Another strength of the book is its emphasis on the role of the family in shaping a child's heart. The authors stress that parents are the primary spiritual influencers in their children's lives and that the family should be a community of grace where children can learn to love and serve one another. The book provides practical suggestions for creating a family culture that fosters spiritual growth and character development. Scripture again is key to this practice. The book suggests that Scripture should play a crucial role in helping children to see how they are to live, act, think, feel, and love.

One of the weaknesses of the book, it might be said, is its heavy emphasis on discipline and correction via Scripture. Scripture is a good part of the solution, but so too is prayer and simple engagement and patience. Everything takes time. Children are growing—but so too are adults: everyone is growing in love and virtue and grace, so long as they keep working toward the goals that God wants them to seek. While discipline is certainly an important aspect of parenting, it is important to view it as an aid in parenting challenges. Emphasis should also be placed on positive reinforcement and building on a child's strengths, which can be just as effective in shaping behavior and character.

Reflection

The first great point that the book makes is that it links thought to the heart and explains that this is what God does, too, in the Bible: from Gen. 6:5 to Lk. 2:19 to Heb. 4:12, the Bible is constantly referring to the “thoughts of the heart.”[footnoteRef:2] The fact that we tend to think of the heart as just a source of feelings and not of thought is a mistake, as the Tripps helpfully explain. It is similar to something I once read in a letter from Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne: Melville was complaining the mass of men think of God as though he were all head like a watch; Melville then went on to assert that he was for the heart. God is also for the heart: He loved David because David was a man after God’s own heart. The heart is where it all begins, and it is wrong to think of thoughts as beginning in the head. The heart does not play second fiddle to the head. [2: Tripp, Tedd, and Margy Tripp. Instructing a child's heart. Wapwallopen^ ePA PA: Shepherd Press, 2008.]

I appreciated the book’s focus on the heart. The authors helped me to see that while many parenting books only address behavior and external actions and neglect the underlying heart issues, this is not enough. By contrast, the Tripps encourage parents to focus on the root causes of their child's behavior—all of which can be best understood through the lens of Scripture—and teach them to respond to those heart issues with biblical wisdom and grace. This is an important insight for parents who want to raise children who are not only well-behaved but also have strong character and a vibrant faith. It corresponds with the idea that we need to find “the ideal harmony between empathy and tough love.”[footnoteRef:3] [3: Ashley McDonough-Turnipseed, “Coach Hard Love Harder,” 2023. https://www.coachedbychrist.com/post/coach-hard-love-harder]

I appreciated the book’s emphasis on the role of the family in shaping a child's heart. It is a great blessing to have kids who “have respect for their personal space and those around them, show gratitude towards their parents.”[footnoteRef:4] This shows that there has been a good foundation of love and support along with discipline. A child who appreciates in a 360-degree manner like this is one who has been nourished the right way. That nourishment comes from family love. The Tripps argue that the family is the primary spiritual influence in a child's life and that parents should view themselves as stewards of their children's hearts. That is one hundred percent absolutely correct. The family—especially the parents—provide the framework, the foundation, the practical steps, the motivation, the example, and the way; they are responsible for creating a family culture that fosters spiritual growth and character development, rooted in faith—and this means having family devotions, like prayer and service projects. This emphasis on the family as a community of grace is a refreshing perspective in a culture that often sees the family as an obstacle to personal fulfillment. These are the basic Mamba Mentality rules of raising good kids: they align with what Kobe believed in (and he himself was nourished by a Christian faith that saw him and his family through some difficult times). Mamba Mentality aligns with what the Tripps put forward: Get better every day, work on weaknesses, learn from wins and losses, and so on. Everything in Mamba Mentality corresponds with what Scripture teaches and with what the Tripps show is essential in teaching the child’s heart.[footnoteRef:5] [4: Ashley McDonough-Turnipseed, “Winning the Coach’s Approval,” 2023. https://www.coachedbychrist.com/post/player-recruitment] [5: Ashley McDonough-Turnipseed, “The Ten Mamba-Mentality Rules for Success,” 2023. https://www.coachedbychrist.com/post/the-10-mamba-mentality]

Parents may feel overwhelmed or discouraged if they view discipline as the primary tool for shaping their child's heart and neglect the importance of affirming and celebrating their child's positive qualities. But discipline, love, Scripture, practice, and example all go hand in hand. The parents first and foremost need to bring the discipline they expect from their child to their own lives, to their own souls and hearts. If they lack it, they cannot expect to see it in their children. They have to live the Scripture and set the example. That is why they have to lead like they mean it.[footnoteRef:6] [6: Ashley McDonough-Turnipseed, “Lead Like You Mean It,” 2023. https://www.coachedbychrist.com/post/athlete-leadership-training]