Reflection Assessment God Love

Friendship, Marriage and God

One of the most compelling themes of the Christian gospel is love. Christian love refers to many things including the divine love of God for Creation, and also to human love for each other. Human love can manifest in a number of different ways or types of relationships. Marriage and friendship are two of the most important and universal types of human relationships that are based on love. In spite of differences in culture, language, and ethnicity, all Christians perceive and communicate love in similar ways. Christian love as a strong theological component, as for the first time in recorded history, God became equal to love: "God is love," (1 John 4:8). The Bible also shows how and why love can be psychologically as well as spiritually transformative, which is why the theme of love remains constant throughout the New Testament. Essentially, there are three distinct but related types of love in Christian doctrine: agape, Eros, and philia (Carmichael 4). Agape refers to the outpouring of divine love from God "through the Holy Spirit" and into the hearts of human beings (Romans 5:5). Eros is squarely focused on the love between husband and wife, which is a special type of Christian relationship. Finally, philia is a broad term referring to friendship as well as all other virtuous, respectful, and altruistic human relationships. Thesis: Christian love is defined by the commingling of agape, eros, and philia; it is impossible to experience, share, or define Christian love without all three of these essential components.

The Christian concept of love has evolved through the merging of Christianity with Greek philosophy. However, the term agape was not a term found in Classical Greek, indicating a completely new concept of love that came from Christ, which required the new word (Carmichael 35). The concept of agape is therefore the most central and important to Christian love, and underwrites all other types and manifestations of love including marriage and friendship. Agape is defined as the "altruistic love flowing down from God," (Carmichael 4). Likewise, the Bible clearly indicates that a person is incapable of truly loving God with agape without also and simultaneously cultivating and expressing love for fellow human beings in the forms of eros and philia: "Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister ... cannot love God ... And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister," (1 John 4: 20-21). Therefore, all three types of love are central to the Christian worldview and identity. All three types of love also happen to be essential prerequisites for salvation, because God makes love "complete" and meaningful as it states in 1 John 4:17: "This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment." Human love parallels the promise and process of salvation. Therefore, loving thy neighbor, thy friend, and God becomes a spiritual imperative and the core component of Christian faith.

Christian love is often discussed in terms of sacrifice. According to Christian doctrine, a sign of God's love for humanity was in the mystery and sacrifice of Christ. "This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins," (1 John 4:9-10). Thus, sacrifice must be a key component of human love. Human beings do in fact make sacrifices for their friends and loved ones. Those sacrifices can and sometimes do require suffering and even death. Virtuous love can exist between husband and wife, between friends, between parents and children, or even between individuals and their countries. For example, soldiers possess a virtuous love for their country that inspires them to sacrifice their life just as Christ did. Selfless love also entails sacrifice, whether sacrificing a kidney to save a person's life, or sacrificing money for the same. Most parents would willingly sacrifice their own lives to save that of their children. The idea that sacrifice is integral to love has its roots in the gospel of Christ, for "Christ is our true friend, wounded with love yet loving those who wound him" (Carmichael 41). Sacrificial love means being willing to put aside all thoughts of the self in order to do good for another, whether that other is another person or God's will.

Although agape, eros, and philia are interrelated and interdependent, these types of love are felt and communicated in different ways. God's love for humanity may be communicated in ineffable ways such as through miracles or grace. Human beings are technically incapable of communicating love in the same way God would, but can communicate love in other ways including but not limited to making selfless sacrifices. It is also possible to conceive of the love between husband and wife as being a process of unfolding grace given and shared between the couple (Cooke 81). The philial love that defines friendship is characterized by mutual respect, trust, and admiration. Depending on the nature of the friendship, the ages of the individuals, their backgrounds, and any number of other situational variables, the verbal and nonverbal expressions of philial love will be unique and yet always rooted in God. Friends often tease one another as a sign of affection, which is no less valid a means of communicating as a kiss between husband and wife or a "tough love" scenario in which a friend needs an intervention. There are theological reasons why love can be communicated in various ways; all love is one because theoretically all love comes from God as human beings are created in God's image. Even friendship is something that God gave humanity, as the archetypal model for friendship can be traced to Christ's relationship with His followers. One of Christ's roles was as "friend," and "friendship with God is possible" because people are children of God and God loves as parent to a child (Carmichael 33).

Although the relationship between Christ and a disciple or any human being is unequal given the status of Christ, Christ's "friendship" nevertheless provides a model for human friendship and love. In spite of the different methods of expressing or communicating love, when Jesus states, "Love each another as I have loved you," the implication is that Jesus is encouraging people to practice agape with each other (John 15:12). If humans are to "love one another" as Christ loves humans, then all love may stem from the same divine source. For example, Christ demonstrated incredible kindness towards others, including those who were unkind to him or to those who did not necessarily deserve good treatment. Kindness and goodwill exist between human beings and also between human beings and God. Friendship is "active love," or God's love in action through the works of human beings (Carmichael 32). In fact, it is possible to view the relationship of human beings with God as a type of friendship or at least as the bond between parent and child. Marriage, like friendship, mirrors God's love for humanity. Just as friends must model their love for one another on God's love, husband and wife must do the same. The Bible suggests that husband and wife become one flesh and one body, similar to the ways Christians and Christ share the same spiritual body (Lawler). Sexuality is a means of communicating God's love through the sacred bond of a marriage, because "that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh," (Genesis 2:24). Eros, as it is described here in Genesis 2:24, is one of the three main types of love and welcomed by God as the Bible and especially Old Testament contains many stories of husbands and wives having sex and bearing children as a result. One of the defining characteristics of love is oneness, the elimination of the ego and other false distinctions between people or between humans and God.

Self-love, which could be defined as being kind to the self or treating the self as one would treat another human being, is qualitatively and spiritually different from selfishness and is an essential part of the agape experience. To understand the self as being a part of God, or to know that each person including the self is a child of God, is to appreciate God's will and creation. This is why Christians are taught to love their neighbors as themselves; the message is not to love selfishly but to love as Christ loves all people. A similar analogy between self-love and love for others exists between husband and wife, showing that there is no distinction between eros, agape, and philia. As Lawler points out, the Bible teaches a universally applicable love in which love of the neighbor, love of a spouse, love of the self, and love of God are one and the same (15). It is important to love and care for the self as much as it is to love and care for others, for to treat the self poorly as through sinful behavior is to denigrate God's covenant with humanity. Self-love is sometimes neglected when examining the role and function of Christian love because too often self-love is confused with selfishness or egotism. Genuine self-love requires treating the self with kindness, as one would treat a friend, neighbor, or spouse. Self-love can also manifest as trusting oneself, as when one remains strong and true to principles.

Self-love is communicated or expressed differently from love of friends, spouse, or God, and yet all of these types of love are modeled after God's love for humanity, which is unconditional, selfless, and sacrificial. The interconnectedness of multiple types of love is reiterated throughout scripture and in relation to marital love, which is typically framed in terms of eros and physical desire. "In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself," (Ephesians 5:28). Eros, which is desire for another, is not supposed to be pleasure-seeking but rather, spiritual, in the sense that seeking pleasure has a selfish connotation whereas giving pleasure in the erotic relationship involves the sacrificial element that is so central to Christian doctrine. The love between husband and wife is based on physical love the likes of which cannot be experienced between friends or in relation to God. Through the sacrament of marriage can the physical expression of love become fully realized. There is a great mystery in the physical expression of love and sexuality, as fornication is different from eros. Fornication alone is self-serving and sinful, but sexuality in a married relationship has been channeled to serve God. Throughout both Old and New Testaments, such as in Genesis 2:24 and Mark 10:8, husband and wife are described as becoming "one flesh," highlighting the connection between the three essential parts of Christian love as well as the theological importance of sexuality.

Eros, philia, and agape are also entwined because Christ is the most "revealed" God and as such bears some divine qualities and some human ones as well. As Cooke points out, God has become intimate with human beings. Even before Christ, God had tried to reveal Himself by "speaking" to humans. Human relationships themselves, when they are rooted in love, are also opportunities to experience the immediate, immanent presence of God. "Humans and their relationships to one another are a 'word' that is being constantly created by God. In this word God is made present to us, revealing divine selfhood through the sacramentality of our human experience of one another," (Cooke 75). The experiences of eros in marriage or philia in friendships are the microcosm (the small, mundane world) to the macrocosm (great, divine world) of agape.

Love has a deep and profound potential to transform human lives and the human experience, possibly also human consciousness itself because of the way love can affect human emotion and cognition. Cooke points out that when human beings trust reality, they are expressing their trust in God -- which is really their love and friendship with God. Trust is necessary in a marriage and friendship, and trust is also necessary in all acts of faith, as faith means trust in God. The act of loving and the experience of love both change the individual, whether those types of love are rendered as eros, philia, or agape. Love is transformative, just as Christ was changed through His sacrifice. Love is also shown to be psychologically transformative in the Bible because "perfect love drives out fear," (1 John 4:18). As love obliterates all that stands in the way between the human being and God, only through love does a person have the potential to know God, understand God, and be saved. Love has the power to heal psychological wounds, as when a bitter or troubled soul experiences the unconditional love of another human being for the first time. Modeled after Christ's love for humanity, this type of love can have a profound effect on people. A person who experiences this type of love for the first time might then be able to share that same love with others, leading to a chain reaction.