Mbongi Assignment: During Thanksgiving
In most households, Thanksgiving is a time where families can exist in a place without metaphorical walls between people and ideas, and share conversation in a common context. But just as the Mbongi conversation is aimed at creating a more socially stable life, Thanksgiving family meetings must also be conducted with sensitivity. I do not always see eye-to-eye with my husbands family about how to cook the family turkey or sides, for example, but I have learned not to present my ideas in a confrontational manner. I try to be the bigger person, and turn conflicts about what are ultimately unimportant matters like food into a discussion, rather than an argument. I have learned to pick my battles without demeaning myself (or my efforts at cooking).
I try to make sure that there is room for everything everyone wishes to bring to the table, including different foods, significant others, and topics. There is a delicate matter of balancing being tolerant of other peoples points of view, however, and not sticking up for what is right. I want to be tolerant, but not a doormat. I think over the years I have come to embrace, more and more, the value of communicating in a respectful fashion, rather than bottling up my feelings and thoughts. But when I speak, I try to be very conscious of separating those feelings from those thoughts.
The fact that my husbands and my family come together means a merging of different traditions for the holiday, but also different ways of relating to one another. In the past, they have been more inclined to bring up uncomfortable topics, and I have stayed silent. Now, I address when I am uncomfortable head-on, but try to do so in a way that focuses on the facts, and does not over-dramatize the issue. Ideally, speaking about things should reduce conflict, rather than increase conflict.
