The Fall of the American Family

Relationship Trends
Abstract
This paper looks at relationship trends in the U.S. from a sociological perspective, using feminist political stance as a way to explain the transformation from traditional family norms of the early 20th century to the mixture of families today. Today, single parenting is the new norm as half of all marriages end in divorce. More and more people are going unwed and not having children as well. The population is aging and there are effects to all these factors that are discussed as well. The pros and cons of these trends are examined and described.
Introduction
The traditional family of one hundred years ago used to be the sociological norm; today, however, the new norm is that there is no norm. Half of all marriages end in divorce, and as the Pew Research Center (2015) shows, not only are family sizes shrinking (with parents having fewer children than they used to) but family arrangements are rapidly diversifying: “Two-parent households are on the decline in the United States as divorce, remarriage and cohabitation are on the rise” (Pew Research Center, 2015). Part of the fundamental reason for these changes are rooted in the wider sociological acceptance of birth control to prevent pregnancy and the Feminist movement, which has altered the traditional family dynamic by promoting the woman’s role outside the confines of the domestic sphere with leading feminists like Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem urging women to get into the workforce in the 1960s and 1970s. This has led to the old idea of “courtship” being replaced by the new idea of “hooking up,” which further undermines the traditional concept of family life (Hamilton & Armstrong, 2019). This paper will examine the statistics of relationship trends today, including unmarried, solo parenting, blended families and child free living, and discuss the pros and cons of each and how the sociological perspective and feminist politics play a role in understanding these trends.
Unmarried
In 1960, only 5% of births occurred to unmarried women. Today, nearly 40% of births occur outside of marriage (Pew Research Center, 2015). That is a significant jump over the past fifty years and indicates a radical transformation in the social structure and dynamic with regards to personal familial relationships, sex, and marriage. It aligns with what Hamilton and Armstrong (2019) have shown about the trend in relationships moving away from the concept of courtship, which implies getting to know one for the purpose of marriage—i.e., something permanent—to the concept of hooking up—i.e., having sexual flings that have no permanence attached to them. Whereas in the traditional concept, sex was linked to the procreative act, which was sanctioned by marriage, today sex is linked mainly with the pleasure principle and is not restricted to only married people.
The pros of this trend for unmarried does not mean single-parenting. Many relationships are based on cohabitation in which the two parents are living together though they are not married (Pew Research Center, 2015). This indicates that marriage as a social institution has been reduced in value among people today, which could be linked to the rise of feminism, which has promoted and celebrated autonomy among women and urged independence over the “slavery” of marriage, as Friedan (1963) intimated in The Feminine Mystique: “We have made woman a sex creature…She has no identity except as a wife and mother. …She waits all day for her husband to come home at night to make her feel alive. And now it is the husband who is not interested. It is terrible for the women, to lie there, night after night, waiting for her husband to make her feel alive” (p. 29). The cons of this trend are that it means families have fewer resources to balance out the needs of the family. Delaying marriage is a trend that has increased: “The median age at first marriage has gone from 20.6 to 27.4 for women and from 23.1 to 29.6 for men since 1967” (Schondelmyer, 2017). Moreover, only 31% of adults between the ages of 18 and 24 have children living with them today, and of adults between the ages of 25 and 34 61% do not live with children—up from only 24% in 1967 (Schondelmyer, 2017). This shows the rising trend of adults to delay marriage and child rearing so that they can live autonomously and without the traditional responsibilities associated with the traditional family life. However, this will weigh on the population as time goes on, as fewer children means an aging population, which can have catastrophic economic and social effects down the road.
Single and Solo Parenting
According to Livingston (2014), single and solo parenting is now the new norm in America: “Fewer than half (46%) of U.S. kids younger than 18 years of age are living in a home with two married heterosexual parents in their first marriage. This is a marked change from 1960, when 73% of children fit this description.” Single parenting is full of its own cons, as well. Single parents face “food and fuel poverty” and many (most of whom are mothers) find that they must sacrifice their own time and energy just to meet the basic needs of their children, according to the study by Stack and Meredith (2018, p. 233). Additionally, there are negative psychological, emotional and social consequences of single parenting aside from the economic effects—these include: “isolation, anxiety, depression, paranoia, and suicidal thoughts” (Stack & Meredith, 2018, p. 233). Thus, in spite of the feminist political stance that has promoted the idea of autonomy and independence among women, all that has really accomplished is the emancipation of the man from the family and the sense that the father owes a duty to the mother and the children. By pushing for emancipation of the woman from marriage, the consequence has been the erosion of the two-parent family dynamic, which at least offered stability. To assume that Friedan and Steinem spoke for all women in the 1960s and 1970s is, moreover, to make a large assumption that is not validated by data. Their social impact, however, has been shown by studies to have led to an increase in single parents (a woman may be emancipated from marriage but unless she is willing to abstain, use contraception or abort, she is never emancipated from motherhood). A single mother is more likely to experience severe mental, emotional, financial and social stress than a married mother in a traditional relationship (Stack & Meredith, 2018). Stack and Meredith (2018) do not identify any pros related to the plight of the single mother and instead show that the single parent life is difficult, damaging and very stressful on the parent. However, if there is one pro it is that children of single parent homes can grow up without showing signs of being negatively impacted by the challenges faced by the parent—though this is not always the case.
Blended Families
The Pew Research Center (2015) shows that 16% of children today live in blended families—families that are formed by way of re-marriage. About 63% of women who have remarried have entered into a blended family. The pros of blended families are that they at least provide a kind of stability consistent with the traditional family model, in which there are two parents working together to raise a family. The cons of the blended family are that a great deal of negotiating has to be conducted among stakeholders as they try to find their places and roles in the blended family. Some will face resistance and others will be welcomed, but there is always going to be the challenge of adjusting to a new arrangement that is not familiar and that requires a certain amount of give and take on the part of all family members including those not in the immediate family, such as grandparents.
Child Free Living
Child free living is on the rise as the fertility rate has declined to its lowest levels since records began being kept at the beginning of the 20th century (Rosen, Osterman, Hamilton & Martin, 2018). Child free living reached a high of 20% among women in the 40s in 2005 but has since decline. Making the voluntary choice to live without children is a natural outcome of the prevalence and social acceptance of birth control today. Sex has been de-linked from the procreative act in Western society and as such it is viewed as pleasure norm rather than as a procreative norm. The morality of sex without the possibility of procreation is not challenged in popular culture, so it is not surprising that child free living should be on the rise. The pros of this situation are that people without children can enjoy their autonomy and independence without having to engage in responsibilities of the traditional family. The cons of this situation are that without children, society will not grow and the age of the population will increase, meaning there will be more old people than young people in the future.
Conclusion
Relationship trends have altered substantially over the past hundred years but have significantly picked up in terms of transformation just in the past 50 years, thanks to the rise of feminism led by Friedan, Steinem and others who de-legitimized the traditional family norm and posited that women should go out and work and be independent and not be forced to rely on a man. This has not turned out well for single mothers, who have suffered substantially for their independence. Nor has it worked out well for the future of the population, which is now aging dramatically as more and more people avoid children and the family traditions altogether.

References
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